Alpha male

2 MOUSEY LOOKING EXECUTIVES ARE SITTING IN A BOARDROOM WAITING TO MAKE A PITCH,

EXEC1
So the boss is sending some one to help us sell Murchersons office products.

EXEC2
It's a tough sell, I wander who it'll be,

A VERY BIG HAIRY MAN IN A SUIT WALKS IN

HAIRY
Hello I'm Trevor.

EXEC1
Aah the 3rd member of our team, and what do you do? Sales, accounts?

HAIRY
I'm an alpha male.

EXEC2
A what? Oh here comes the Office manager Mr Smith, look alive.

SMITH ENTERS HE IS SHORT, PUDGY, AND NEAT.

SMITH
Now these prices are quite good, but what can you do that Staples can't?

EXEC1
Well we guarantee to fix our prices for 5 years...

EXEC2
And we provide full servicing, for all our staplers.

SMITH
Tempting, but it's a cost...

HAIRY STANDS UP LEANS OVER TREVOR, AND BEATS HIS CHEST. HE THEN WALKS OVER AND URINATES ON THE WATER COOLER, NONCAHALANTLY.

HE SITS BACK DOWN AND STARES AT SMITH, WHO LOOKS AT HIS SHOES.

SMITH
Ok it's a deal, those prices are quite reasonable.

HAIRY STANDS UP BEATS HIS CHEST, THEN HIS FISTS ON THE TABLE AND WALKS OUT.

EXEC1
He really is an alpha male.

I dont get it! Whats that punchline all about?

Weak punch, the idea is all these alpha male Apprentice contestants.

What if they actually acted like alpha males, in the animal sense?

lol - the punch line was actually quite funny .... in the sense that it was so unrequired! (bit like adding on "wow, that parrot really is dead" to the python sketch )

maybe drop the earlier reference and have them enter the meeting still unsure of their colleagues skill...then an "ahhh, he's an alpha male" would work.

The alpha male thing is funny but set it elsewhere, it doesnt fit in a sales environment where cuff links and bone colour business cards are more important.

edit - just seen your Apprentice comments....those guys are typical of anyone working at the bottom of sales, but there are better ways to deal with it that suggesting they are all about macho.

American Phsyco's business card scene is more apt.

Ok, fair enough, in which case haven't you just had a sketch that 'demonstrates' the reveal, leaving the punchline as just stating the bleeding obvious?

Made me laugh.

Well glad I wrote something you like. I think it only works in a sales environment.

Very much inspired by the big arse who won the apprentice, could picture him weeing on a photocopier to show dominance, whilst making our contestants cry.

But thanks for feedback Joel

Quote: sootyj @ June 25 2008, 2:24 PM BST

Very much inspired by the big arse who won the apprentice

View original

maybe there's more funny in the fact an "alpha male" of that type spends hours every day working on his designer stubble, hair gel and buying Charles Tyrwhitt shirts?

Well that is interesting run those ideas together.

Quote: sootyj @ June 25 2008, 2:24 PM BST

Well glad I wrote something you like. I think it only works in a sales environment.

Very much inspired by the big arse who won the apprentice, could picture him weeing on a photocopier to show dominance, whilst making our contestants cry.

But thanks for feedback Joel

View original

Nah it would work in most environments.
I think it could work in a face-off with two gang members on the street in a 'new-way of thinking-kind of way'. But then again that's just my preachy side coming out.

Quote: Pete @ June 25 2008, 2:28 PM BST

maybe there's more funny in the fact an "alpha male" of that type spends hours every day working on his designer stubble, hair gel and buying Charles Tyrwhitt shirts?

View original

Hey! I've had 3 Charles Tyrwhitt shirts and very good quality they are!

lol - i'm sure their lovely...but they tend to be worn by people in a £300 suit with a mont blanc in the pocket and a cheap Tag on their wrist....who then think their Peter Jones. (of course, to the lesser salesman in his £200 suit from Next...they probably are!)

What a delightful rich, vein of resentment I've mined.

I really think there's legs in this idea (f**k you, grammar!) but you've not done enough to explore it. Pissing on the photocopier is a good start. He really needs to brutalise one of those execs if he's going to be the alpha male though. And that punchline is a total waste of time.

Thanks I'll dump the punch, in the original he dry humps the boss into submission.

Would that work?