Positivity

I dunno about this one. It might simply just not work. Help!

INT. AN OFFICE - DAY

MR GREGG, middle-aged boss man, sits in his lovely, plush office. In walks TOM, early twenties.

MR GREGG
Ah good, do sit down, Tim isn't it?

TOM
It's Tom.

MR GREGG
Doesn't really matter either way.

TOM
It matters to me. Otherwise how would I know whose pants to put on in the morning?

Mr Gregg stares at Tom, whose voice starts to falter.

TOM (CONT'D)
Mine or... or Tim's... um...

MR GREGG
I'm afraid I have some bad news.

TOM
Oh?

MR GREGG
You've been with the company for thirty years now, haven't you?

TOM
Er, no.

MR GREGG
Uh huh. I see. Would you describe yourself as a negative kind of person?

TOM
No.

MR GREGG
No? That sounds fairly negative to me. I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. Do you know why?

TOM
No.

MR GREGG
There it is again, that negativity. It's your whole lack of positive energy that's the problem. I don't want to hear a single non-affirmative word or phrase sneaking out of you in future, or I will fire you, is that understood?

TOM
...yes.

MR GREGG
Don't get me wrong, I know you want to keep your job. Do you know how I know that?

TOM
Er... yes.

MR GREGG
Of course you do. Everybody here has noticed it. The way you look at me.

TOM
I look at you?

MR GREGG
I can feel it, Tim. The raw, seething passion. You want me Tim. You want me on all fours braying like a donkey, don't you?

TOM
I don't know what to say.

MR GREGG
Oh don't say anything, Tim. Our love, it can never be. I'm married, Tim.

TOM
You surprise me.

MR GREGG
Not to a woman Tim. No, I'm married to...

He gestures expansively at the office.

TOM
You're married to the job?

MR GREGG
No, I'm married to this pen.

He lifts up a pen and kisses it.

MR GREGG (CONT'D)
Isn't she a beauty? Do you like her?

TOM
Do I... er... yes.

MR GREGG
You find her attractive?

TOM
Well. Yes.

MR GREGG
Haha, I see we'll have to keep an eye on you. Back in the drawer she goes!

He puts the pen in a desk drawer.

MR GREGG (CONT'D)
Tell you what, one last chance. And remember, no more negativity. Do you want me to fire you?

TOM
Er...

MR GREGG
Think carefully.

TOM
I... er...

MR GREGG
Yes or... that other word.

TOM
I would absolutely, positively like you to not fire me.

MR GREGG
There, that wasn't so hard was it?

TOM
No.

MR GREGG
You're fired.

SKETCH ENDS.

Genius, and a clever idea. Very funny, if you could make it topical I'd suggest NR/TS.

I think that's one of the best sketches I've seen in 'Critique'. Very good. It made me laugh.

Were Fry and Laurie an influence on this? I could picture them performing it.

Fry and Laurie, exactly! Armstrong and Miller could have a good crack at this one, too. Very amusing.

Not sure you need the pants gag at the beginning. I'd go from the "Doesn't really matter either way" line straight to the "I'm afraid I have some bad news" line, but that's just nitpicking.

Marvellous.

Good sketch.

I like the pants line.

Good point about the 'pants' line. I don't feel it's necessary. It seems at odds with the way Tom's character is portrayed in the rest of the sketch.

Really good sketch. It kind of swims in and out of focus, but I actually quite like that. It makes a nice change from sketches rigorously focussed on a single idea, and the boss comes much more alive as a character because of the pen digression. The opening however maybe muddied the water a bit. Rather than the boss say it doesn't matter either way, the logic of the sketch would seem to dictate that the boss should see Tom contradicting him about his name as further evidence of negativity.

Thanks a lot. I really wasn't sure if this sketch worked or not, especially as I didn't have a punchline in mind when I started it.

The pants line is utterly unnecessary, but I like to have a couple of moments that aren't part of the full-tilt race to the punchline. Maybe I shouldn't. Having said that, I like Timbo's idea of linking it in to the negativity theme, which I'll do when I rewrite.

I love Fry and Laurie, and now you've mentioned it I can't get them out of my head when I read it back. I wish they'd do sketches again, they were brilliant at it...

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to critique this thing. I tend to put sketches up here that I'm unsure of, and so the more criticism they get, the better for me.

False modesty, is the biggest sign of ego!

What are your ones your confident like?

Quote: sootyj @ June 24 2008, 5:15 PM BST

What are your ones your confident like?

View original

Awesome.