INT. NEWSNIGHT STUDIO.
JEREMY PAXMAN IS SEATED AT THE NEWSNIGHT DESK.
EDITOR (VO)
Jeremy, we have been through all this before...
JEREMY
Look I went along with reading the front pages of the morning newspapers. Even the tabloid ones, about celebrities, and (SHUDDERS) Big Brother.
EDITOR (VO)
Yes, Jeremy, and we do appreciate...
JEREMY
I even did the bloody weather forecast.
EDITOR (VO)
Well...
JEREMY
Which is always bollocks.
EDITOR (VO)
That's not entirely fair...
JEREMY
You'd do as well consulting seaweed. But I draw the line at this.
EDITOR (VO)
Focus groups show that viewers respond positively...
JEREMY (GROANS)
Give me strength.
EDITOR (VO)
Everyone is doing it. Five...
JEREMY
Five!
EDITOR (VO)
ITN...
JEREMY MIMES HANGING HIMSELF.
EDITOR (VO)
It just makes the news more dynamic.
JEREMY
For God's sake!
EDITOR (VO)
Come on, Jeremy, it's an editorial decision. You're just going to have to introduce the programme standing up. (PLACATINGLY) It's only for a trial period.
JEREMY
Oh, very well.
JEREMY STANDS AND STEPS OUT IN FRONT OF THE DESK. HE IS NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN.
JEREMY (DISINGENUOUS)
What?!
ENDS.
