Sick

1. INT. DOCTOR'S SURGERY. DOCTOR SITTING AT DESK.

DOCTOR
(TO INTERCOM) Send Mr Lugworthy in, Carol.

LUGWORTHY ENTERS. DEFEATED-LOOKING MAN IN THIRTIES.

DOCTOR
Take a seat. (WAITS) Now, what can I do for you?

LUGWORTHY
Sick note. I want to be signed off.

DOCTOR
What's the trouble?

LUGWORTHY
Erm, I'm sick? You know, icky?

DOCTOR
(BRISKLY) I'll need more than that. What exactly is wrong with you?

LUGWORTHY
Erm. Erm. Well I've had dizzy spells.

DOCTOR
Ah (STARTS WRITING) and when do you get them?

LUGWORTHY
Well I had one this morning. I'd been spinning round and round, and when I stopped I stumbled a bit.

DOCTOR
(IRRITATED) Anything else?

LUGWORTHY
(THINKING ALOUD) I've ... had ... er ... When I wake up in the morning, I have this weird crusty stuff in my eyes.

DOCTOR
And?!?

LUGWORTHY
Er, er, I've gone off cheese. A bit.

DOCTOR
(SLAMS DOWN PEN) There's nothing wrong with you, is there? You're just wasting my time. There are real sick people out there, you know.

LUGWORTHY FALLS ONTO KNEES.

LUGWORTHY
Please, doctor, please. I'm begging you, sign me off. Don't send me back there. Oh, please. It's horrible, you've no idea, the depravity, the drugs, the hallucinations. You're my only hope.

DOCTOR
Good grief, man! Where do you work?

CUT TO:

2. INT. PLEASANT OFFICE. POT PLANTS, FILING CABINETS, ETC. DESK WITH PIC OF LUGWORTHY AND YOUNG WOMAN TOGETHER.

CAMERA PANS UP TO SIGN ON WALL, WHICH READS:
CBeebies
In The Night Garden
Scriptwriting Dept

It's a good idea for a punchline, but the rest is a bit clumsy, and could be sharper.

I think this is one of those sketches where two ideas have become entangled to the detriment of both. I thought the guy trying to get himself signed off was funny (though I'd lose the Austrian Dad and maybe the parrot) and I like the idea of In The Night Garden as a psychadelic hellhole, but the latter did not seem follow on naturally as a punchline to the former.

Potentially there are two good sketches here.

Quote: Timbo @ June 17 2008, 3:07 PM BST

I think this is one of those sketches where two ideas have become entangled to the detriment of both. I thought the guy trying to get himself signed off was funny (though I'd lose the Austrian Dad and maybe the parrot) and I like the idea of In The Night Garden as a psychadelic hellhole, but the latter did not seem follow on naturally as a punchline to the former.

Potentially there are two good sketches here.

View original

Thanks, I sort of wrote myself into a corner. I knew where I was going up until the end of scene 1, but couldn't think of a place sufficiently depraved to justify his desperation to be signed off (I dismissed Amy Winehouse's bikini waxing department). In the end I thought I'd go for bathos.

I agree with the Austrian dad and parrot line excision. I feel I've let you all down. Worse, I've let myself down.

Sootyj, I agree it could be tighter.

Don't be so hard on yourself there's good ideas in there.

Blimey, you think that was being hard on myself? You must live in a world like Mr Soft off that advert.

Well the I've let you all down, was a bit harsh.

You're not some kinky masochist stikcing up sucky skits to get punished, that'd be pretty sick.

Sorry. I keep forgetting sarcasm and irony don't work on the internet.

Blimey, "sucky skits"? I didn't think it was that bad.

No it wasn't as I have no sense of humour, I also have no sense of irony.

Every day is a struggle.

What Sootyj and Timbo said.

Not sure what I'd use as a punchline instead though.

I thought it was really good!