A Team for hire, thudding satire free kinda

THE A TEAM ARE MEETING WITH A MAN IN A WAREHOUSE.

MAN

So you're the ATeam, an elite mercenary team of US Special Forces, and you're for hire?

HANNIBAL

That's us, now how can we help you Mr Jones?

MAN

I just bought some land in Nigeria that's rich in oil. But there's a tribe the Dinkas on there, and I can't permission to drill for oil. I want to slaughter them.

FACE

Look Mr Jones, I think you've got this back to front. Don't you mean you want to protect the Dinkas from, some spurious oil company chasing them off.

MAN

Well no, that's ridiculous, why would any one pay for that? No I want you to kill all the Dinkas, and murder a couple of nosey UN observers. Oh and if you could rape some of the other local tribes, and maybe beat them abit. Keep 'em from inteferring.

HANNIBAL

We're not that sort of mercenary organisation, we're.. er

FACE

Nice

MURDOCH

And wacky, I make all kinds of wacky mental jokes.

MAN

Oh, I see so do you shoot people?

FACE

Not really, we kinda shoot at them, and miss and they give up.

MURODCH

And I talk to a sock, and do a fake English accent.

MAN

Well that's it I'll take my business else where.

BA

I pity the fool who turns this job down. The Vans past it's MOT, Murdoch's Prozac prescriptions run out, and Hannibal's still on the Jazz.

FACE

You're heroin habit is pretty expensive.

MURDOCH

And with out my little yellow pills, I'm not wacky. I just remember the 'Nam, the horror, the horror.....

CURLS UP IN A BALL.

MAN

You're the worst bunch of mercenaries I've ever seen I'm outa' here.

WALKS OFF

BA

That's it screw you suckers, I'm joining Blackwater.

BA STORMS OFF.

More to my taste I must say, even if the punchline was lost on me. Who are Blackwater?

I was going to say the A Team reference was not the most topical, but then I recalled that I had posted A Murder She Wrote sketch... Thank God for repeats.

Multi billion dollar US mercenary organisation, shot at survivors of Katrina, killed 100s in Iraq, and training death squads the world over.

An unholy mix of the Dogs of War, the CIA, and those kids down the road who steal car stereos.

I really must make the effort to seek out an alternative news outlet to the Metro.

Try BBC newsfront page, it's very good.

That said Blackwater is abit old news, maybe try that bloke in Equatorial Guinea whats on trial for coup starting.

Isnt it a little bit "look what i know" ? - i'd have thought the number of people in the UK who were aware enough of Blackwater to get the punchline (without the help of Google) was pretty small. YOu've got to be exceptional to get away with making your audience go and research to understand your material (Arron sorkin is a good example)

I didn't get the Blackwater reference either. Neither would I have got the Equatorial Guinea person. I'm an average newsreader by the way.

The whole idea of the A-Team being useless and freely admitting it isn't that funny. You overplayed the point as well.

Out of interest, where would you see this being performed? Was it for one of the topicals or elsewhere?

Not meant to be useless, e.g. the inherent ridiculousness of an elite team of mercenaries, who never kill anyone, and work for buttons like armed social workers who can't shoot straight.

In many ways its a sequel to Provisional Licence to Kill.

As for the mercenary bit, maybe chnage it to

I'm going to be a proper mercenary in Iraq?

Not really a topical, though could be worked on I suppose.

More likely it;s an early draft of a TV or stage generic skit.

SootyJ - I liked - have to say the punchline was a bit too obscure - personally I'd have had the man hire BA to whack the A-Team.

Better

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Quote: sootyj @ June 17 2008, 2:43 PM BST

THE A TEAM ARE MEETING WITH A MAN IN A WAREHOUSE.

MAN

So you're the ATeam, an elite mercenary team of exUS Special Forces, and you're for hire?

HANNIBAL

That's us, now how can we help you Mr Jones?

MAN

I just bought some land in Nigeria that's rich in oil. But there's a tribe the Dinkas living there. I want you to slaughter them.

FACE

Look Mr Jones, I think you've got this back to front. Don't you mean you want to protect the Dinkas from, some spurious oil company chasing them off.

MAN

No why would any one pay for that?I want you to kill all the Dinkas, murder some UN observers. If you could rape some of the other local tribes, maybe a little genocide. Keep 'em from inteferring.

HANNIBAL

We're not traditional mercenaries, we're.. er

FACE

Nice

MURDOCH

And wacky, I make all kinds of wacky mental jokes.

MAN

Oh, I see so do you shoot people?

FACE

Not really, we shoot at them, miss then they give up.

MURODCH

And I talk to a sock, and do a fake English accent.

MAN

Well that's it I'll take my business else where.

BA

I pity the fool who turns this job down. The Vans past it's MOT, Murdoch's Prozac prescriptions ran out, and Hannibal's still on the Jazz.

FACE

You're heroin habit is pretty expensive.

MURDOCH

And with out my little yellow pills, I'm not wacky. I just remember the 'Nam, the horror, the horror.....

CURLS UP IN A BALL.

MAN

You're the worst bunch of mercenaries I've ever seen I'm outa' here.

WALKS OFF

BA

That's it screw you suckers, I'm off to Cuba to water some Ayrabs.

BA STORMS OFF.

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