British Comedy Guide

Favourite lyric Page 8

WARNING! very non-PC material inside.
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not lyrics, but I've always loved Anal C**t's song titles.
Their 1994 album Everyone Should Be Killed contains the following tracks:
1. "Some Songs" – 0:37
2. "Some More Songs" – 0:49
3. "Blur Including New H.C. Song" – 1:16
4. "Even More Songs" – 0:34
5. "Tim" – 0:41
6. "Judge" – 0:43
7. "Spin Cycle" – 0:29
8. "Song #8" – 2:09
9. "Pavarotti" – 0:52
10. "Unbelievable" – 0:42
11. "Music Sucks" – 0:25
12. "Newest H.C. Song #1" – 0:13
13. "Chiffon and Chips" – 0:49
14. "Guy Smiley" – 0:59
15. "Seth" – 0:52
16. "I'm Not Allowed to Like A.C. Anymore Since They Signed to Earache" – 1:21
17. "A. Ex. A Blur" – 0:41
18. "G.M.O.T.R." – 0:51
19. "I'm Wicked Underground" – 0:34
20. "Blur Including G" – 1:02
21. "Shut Up Mike" – 0:19
22. "Abomination of Unnecessarily Augmented Composition Monikers" – 0:49
23. "Radio Hit" – 1:04
24. "Loser" – 0:55
25. "When I Think of True Punk Rock Bands, I Think of Nirvana and The Melvins" – 1:31
26. "Eddy Grant" – 0:47
27. "MTV Is My Source for New Music" – 1:05
28. "Song Titles Are F**king Stupid" – 0:33
29. "Having to Make Up Song Titles Sucks" – 1:03
30. "Well You Know, Mean Gene..." – 0:51
31. "Song #5" – 5:36
32. "Iron Funeral" – 2:00
33. "Chapel of Gristle" – 0:48
34. "Hellbent for Leatherman" – 0:43
35. "Alcoholic" – 2:43
36. "Chump Change" – 0:30
37. "Slow Song From Split 7" – 1:40
38. "Les Binks Hairstyle" – 0:57
39. "Newest H.C. Song #2" – 0:19
40. "Grateful Dead" – 1:20
41. "Aging Disgracefully" – 1:06
42. "Brutally Morbid Axe of Satan" – 0:20
43. "Surfer" – 0:59
44. "You Must Be Wicked Underground If You Own This" – 1:05
45. "Choke Edge" – 1:06
46. "Otis Sistrunk" – 0:37
47. "Russty Knoife" – 0:37
48. "Fred Bash" – 0:12
49. "Guess Which 10 of These Are Actual Song Titles" – 0:46
50. "Our Band Is Wicked Sick (We Have the Flu)" – 0:32
51. "Guy le Fleur" – 1:39
52. "Song #3" – 1:04
53. "Empire Sandwich Shop" – 0:33
54. "Morrissey" – 0:41
55. "Selling Out by Having Song Titles on His Album" – 0:38
56. "Grindcore Is Very Terrifying" – 0:29
57. "Song #6" – 2:53
58. "Guy Lombardo" – 0:42

(29th is my favorite by far)

It gets even better with "It just gets worse" album (1999), whose tracklisting is:

1. "I Became a Counselor So I Could Tell Rape Victims They Asked for It"- :43
2. "Easy E Got AIDS from Freddie Mercury"- :42
3. "I Like Drugs and Child Abuse"- :22
4. "Laughing While Leonard Peltier Gets Raped in Prison"- :41
5. "I Convinced You to Beat Your Wife on a Daily Basis"- :51
6. "I Sent Concentration Camp Footage to America's Funniest Home Videos"- :34
7. "Rancid Sucks (And The Clash Sucked Too)"- :40
8. "I Paid J. Howell to Rape You"- 1:44
9. "I Pushed Your Wife in Front of the Subway"- :46
10. "Extreme Noise Terror Are Afraid of Us"- :29
11. "You Rollerblading Faggot"- :31
12. "I Sent a Thank You Card to the Guy Who Raped You"- :29
13. "I Lit Your Baby on Fire"- 1:56
14. "Body by Auschwitz"- 1:02
15. "I Intentionally Ran over Your Dog"- :30
16. "Sweatshops Are Cool"- :47
17. "Women: Nature's Punching Bag"- :57
18. "I Snuck a Retard into a Sperm Bank"- :30
19. "Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck"- 1:02
20. "I Ate Your Horse"- :50
21. "Hitler Was a Sensitive Man"- :49
22. "You Robbed a Sperm Bank Because You're a Cum Guzzling Fag"- :28
23. "I Made Your Kid Get AIDS So You Could Watch It Die"- :53
24. "I F**ked Your Wife"- :40
25. "Into the Oven"- 1:42
26. "I Gave NAMBLA Pictures of Your Kid"- :52
27. "The Only Reason Men Talk to You is Because They Want to Get Laid, You Stupid F**king C**t"- 1:02
28. "I Made Fun of You Because Your Kid Just Died"- :28
29. "Domestic Violence Is Really, Really, Really Funny"- :42
30. "Dictators Are Cool"- :35
31. "Deadbeat Dads Are Cool"- :43
32. "I'm Really Excited about the Upcoming David Buskin Concert"- :45
33. "Being Ignorant Is Awesome"- 1:03
34. "You're Pregnant, So I Kicked You in the Stomach"- :28
35. "Chris Barnes Is a Pussy"- 1:04
36. "Tim is Gay"- 1:30
37. "BT/A.C."- :41
38. "I Sold Your Dog to a Chinese Restaurant"- :49
39. "I Got an Office Job for the Sole Purpose of Sexually Harassing Women"- :58
40. "Never Date Super Christians"- :53

For more albums and song titles go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_C**t

The Smiths, The Queen Is Dead:

So I broke into the palace
With a sponge and a rusty spanner
She said, 'Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing'
I said, 'That's nothing, you should hear me play piano'

For What Is Chatteris by Half Man Half Biscuit

One-way system smooth and commendable.
Go by bus, they're highly dependable.
The swings for the kids in the park have won awards.
Clean streets, acknowledged in the Lords.
But what's a park if you can't see a linnet?
A timetable if your journey's infinite?
My bag's packed and I'm leaving in a minute.
For what is Chatteris without you in it?

Car crime's low, gun crime's lower.
The town hall band CD, it's a grower.
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce,
Although there was a drive-by shouting once.
But there's a brass band everywhere,
And I don't drive, so I don't care,
And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square,
What's Chatteris if you're not there?

Like a game-bird reserve short on pheasants,
Weavers' cottages devoid of tenants,
A market town that lacks quintessence,
That's Chatteris without your presence.

Three good butchers, two fine chandlers,
An indoor pool and a first-class cake shop,
OFSTED plaudits envy of the Fens,
Crick barriers at both ends.

But what's Chatteris if you're not there?
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
I may as well be in Ely or St Ives.

Despite all the fools and liars
Despite all of the wars
The pursuit of liberty is
Still a noble cause

The Indelicates - Better To Know

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Gerry and the Pacemakers

Quote: Paul Carroll @ June 11 2008, 4:28 PM BST

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Gerry and the Pacemakers

I was going to post this yesterday but I forgot! Great song.

Also top marks for the person who posted Indelicates lyrics :)

Are you all Liverpool fans?

Anything from Art Brut has to be considered. They write proper lyrics and there's always a story in their songs.

Nah I'm not a Liverpool fan, being in the kop at a Champions League game with everyone singing that song must be quality though.

I agree about Art Brut, lots of good lyrics.

Nick, you an Indelicates fan?

Quote: Stuart Laws @ June 11 2008, 5:09 PM BST

Nick, you an Indelicates fan?

Aye, not for long though - some friends of mine have been raving about them for a while but I only actually got round to listening to some of their stuff recently.

Excellent stuff. And you lot, you should listen to The Indelicates as well.

There. Done.

"In this ficticious world all reality twists; I was a hopeless romantic, now I'm just turning tricks."-Bright Eyes, Soul Singer in a Session Band.

I am a Liverpool fan PhQnix, that's why I love that song so much lol. And Nick, I have to say that being in the middle of the Kop in a semi-final of the CL singing this song is possibly the best feeling ever. It makes every hair stand on your body stand up. Absolutely love it!

Quote: Scatterbrained Floozy @ June 11 2008, 7:48 PM BST

"In this ficticious world all reality twists; I was a hopeless romantic, now I'm just turning tricks."-Bright Eyes, Soul Singer in a Session Band.

Great song!

When he played it live before Cassadaga was released though, he would sing it as "I was a hopeless romantic, now I'm just sucking dick" Laughing out loud

I sucked a lot of cock to get where I am;
I only want to be the best that I can.
My mouth is stained, I can't complain,
I keep on rinsing it again and again.

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