British Comedy Guide

General, General Thread Page 412

Quote: Leevil @ May 30 2008, 4:59 PM BST

>_< So walking into a dogs territory is not threatening to it?

Not from a small cat, no!

But then dogs are pretty bloody stupid. They probably think a butterfly can be a serious threat.

Quote: Leevil @ May 30 2008, 4:59 PM BST

>_< So walking into a dogs territory is not threatening to it?

No. Going up to it and hissing and such is threatening. Being in its territory, even in the wild, would only warrant a scaring.

Bah, I think the dog laws should be tightened and it really is down to the owner, they are a dangerous weapon, I'm not even a fan of dogs, but I know that, if treated right the millions of dogs in Britain there's only a few cases a year of attacks.

What about cats that wonder around the streets? How many cars swerve to avoid them on the road, resulting in injury or worse?

Quote: zooo @ May 30 2008, 5:00 PM BST

But then dogs are pretty bloody stupid. They probably think a butterfly can be a serious threat.

Yep!

Quote: Leevil @ May 30 2008, 5:02 PM BST

What about cats that wonder around the streets? How many cars swerve to avoid them on the road, resulting in injury or worse?

People do that too. And bunny rabbits. And birds.

It was about eight o'clock on a February evening. We'd let Patch, our Jack Russell, out into the yard to do, well, whatever it is dogs do. Then there came an almighty screeching and scratching and barking noise from the yard.

We ran out and saw Patch, covered in scratches and bleeding (hope this isn't too gory) and a fluffy, if dead, white cat. As usual, my useless father washed his hands of the affair and buggered off to the British Legion club, leaving this dead cat with me and my uncle (from the rat story).

We bundled a terrified Patch indoors and tried to work out what to do with this cat. Neither of us wanted to pick it up, so we used a spade and dropped it into a black bin-liner.

There was nowhere to bury it in our yard, but we did have a park at the end of the road. So, like a latter-day Burke and Hare, we walked down the road. Unc had the spade, and I had to carry this dead cat in a bag, shuddering every time the bag swung and hit my leg.

Then we got to the park, and Unc was look-out while I dug a shallow grave and dropped in the hapless moggy. Then we covered it up and legged it back to our house to patch up Patch.

Two days later, the notices appeared around the neighbourhood. "Has anybody seen our white fluffy cat?" The cat was from five or six doors down the road, it transpired.

No, we didn't tell them. It would have been a bit unfair on Patch to have him put down for protecting our property, especially as this cat was the same size as him. I still think it's better that they thought their cat had gone off to live with the Queen or someone like that, than know the truth about their cat's demise.

It was in the cat's nature to come into our yard. It was in the dog's nature to attack it.

Quote: Leevil @ May 30 2008, 5:02 PM BST

What about cats that wonder around the streets? How many cars swerve to avoid them on the road, resulting in injury or worse?

That's nothing to do with the cat though, is it? That's to do with careless driving.

Quote: zooo @ May 30 2008, 5:04 PM BST

People do that too. And bunny rabbits. And birds.

Well said!

Quote: Aaron @ May 30 2008, 4:51 PM BST

What about the owners of the cat?

What, bury them? Are you mad?

Quote: Aaron @ May 30 2008, 5:05 PM BST

That's nothing to do with the cat though, is it? That's to do with careless driving.

The steering wheel doesn't control the cat.

Quote: Leevil @ May 30 2008, 5:06 PM BST

The steering wheel doesn't control the cat.

If the steering wheel and the accelerator were being controlled properly, very rarely would any cat be in such a position as to need the driver to swerve.

If I was driving a car that hit a cat, I don't think I'd ever be able to drive again.

Well, that's not a very nice story, but I can understand why you did it.

Obviously it would have been better to be able to tell them the truth, but they might have wanted your dog put down, and you love him just as much as I've loved my cats.
Still, why can't dogs just chase cats off, like in cartoons, why do they have to kill stuff?

Cat's aren't stupid. They don't think they have to do tricks in order to get food. Very, very rarely would they go into a road without looking. If a car has to swerve, then it's unlucky enough to be one of the few occasions where the cat has just run, or it's not being driven properly.

Quote: zooo @ May 30 2008, 5:10 PM BST

Well, that's not a very nice story, but I can understand why you did it.

Obviously it would have been better to be able to tell them the truth, but they might have wanted your dog put down, and you love him just as much as I've loved my cats.
Still, why can't dogs just chase cats off, like in cartoons, why do they have to kill stuff?

I know, you never see Tom off Tom and Jerry deposit half a dead bird on the kitchen floor.

If it makes you feel better, Patch died 13 years ago of doggy cancer. Unc's dead too. Only me left, but I can't outrun karma forever.

Quote: Aaron @ May 30 2008, 5:11 PM BST

Cat's aren't stupid. They don't think they have to do tricks in order to get food. Very, very rarely would they go into a road without looking. If a car has to swerve, then it's unlucky enough to be one of the few occasions where the cat has just run, or it's not being driven properly.

*Cats

I'm going to specially train my Karma to run over evil Dogmas.

I like cats more than dogs, but I love animals in general more than cats. So I can't condemn all dogs for a few bad owners or unfortunate situations.

Share this page