British Comedy Guide

Before mobiles were invented

EDITED

1. INT. A BUSY BUS.
A WHITE TEENAGE BOY GETS ON. HE'S CARRYING A LUDICROUSLY MASSIVE PILE OF EQUIPMENT. HE STRUGGLES DOWN BUS AND SITS ON BACK SEAT.

CAP: 1982

HE PICKS UP A MEGAPHONE AND SHOUTS ACROSS OTHER PASSENGERS TOWARDS THE WINDOW.

TEENAGE BOY:
It's me. I's on me way now, innit.

PASSENGERS TUT, SHUFFLE.

OUT OF THE WINDOW WE SEE A SECOND TEENAGE BOY WITH MEGAPHONE.

CUT TO:

2. EXT. A STREET CORNER.

THE SECOND TEENAGE BOY IS SHOUTING THROUGH HIS MEGAPHONE

SECOND TEENAGE BOY:
It's Lee. He's on his way now, innit.

WE PULL BACK TO SEE IN THE DISTANCE A THIRD TEENAGE BOY, ALSO SHOUTING THROUGH A MEGAPHONE.

THIRD TEENAGE BOY:
It's Lee. He's on . . .

CUT TO:

3. INT. BUS.

TEENAGE BOY:
(STILL SHOUTING) Yeah. Laters.

HE PUTS DOWN MEGAPHONE

PASSENGERS RELAX. THE BUS STOPS.

A SWEATING, OUT-OF BREATH, MIDDLE-AGED MESSENGER JUMPS ONTO BUS. HE RUSHES UP TO TEENAGE BOY WITH A PIECE OF A4 PAPER. PASSENGERS TUT AGAIN.

TEENAGE BOY READS PAPER QUICKLY.

TEENAGE BOY:
Gaylord. (PICKS UP OLD-FASHIONED HEAVY MANUAL TYPEWRITER AND TALKS AS HE'S TYPING) M8 r u having a laff. LOL. i said 2nite "colon P".

HE RIPS THE SHEET FROM THE TYPEWRITER AND HANDS IT TO THE MESSENGER.

MESSENGER LEAPS OUT OF EMERGENCY EXIT DOOR.

SFX. SCREAMS AND SCREECHING BRAKES.

TEENAGE BOY PUTS DOWN TYPEWRITER. ALL IS CALM. CAMERA FOCUSES ON ONE PASSENGER RELAXING AGAIN.

LOUD CRACKLY SOUND OF COLE PORTER'S CHEEK TO CHEEK STARTS. PASSENGER ANGRILY TURNS ROUND.

TEENAGE BOY HAS AN OLD WIND-UP GRAMOPHONE. ITS TRUMPET IS PUSHING THE HEAD OF A SECOND PASSENGER AGAINST WINDOW.

TEENAGE BOY:
(TO PASSENGER) What?

This is a funny sketch.

One suggestion, how about making the messenger a telegram boy on a bike?

Quote: Timbo @ May 29 2008, 11:37 AM BST

This is a funny sketch.

One suggestion, how about making the messenger a telegram boy on a bike?

Aw, I quite liked the sweaty fat bloke.

I enjoyed that.

Hahahaha. Nice one. How about a caption right up front, stating the year is 1982 or something?

Yeah, it's a good idea. Clean the formatting up though as it was hard to read. Agree with Afinkawan, needs some sort of caption or clue as to what's going on.

Should be possible to establish that it is in the past with some visual cues, but as the gags include a wind-up gramaphone (which I think is funny), it seems no particular era is intended.

Quote: Leevil @ May 29 2008, 1:38 PM BST

Yeah, it's a good idea. Clean the formatting up though as it was hard to read. Agree with Afinkawan, needs some sort of caption or clue as to what's going on.

Tut, you're just annoyed because I called the chav Lee.

I've cleaned it up and inserted a caption, as per sugggestions (cheers, Afinkawan). Aaron's going to have a canary fit when he sees all that upper case.

I like this one. Personally, I think you should go for a single period in time (ie the gramophone is out of place -- just use a MIDI Hi-fi instead)

Dan

where my praisng note gone! this is an ace skit.

I like it but it needs to be in one era, avoiding amy anachronistic references. I prefer the idea of a gramaphone over say a ghetto blaster, but then it would have to be set in the 1920s/30s. I'm glad I never thought of this sketch coz i'd be pulling my hair out deciding when to set it. I think it's good enough to be broadcastable.

I disagree. I think the variety of old technologies just makes it funnier. The gag is that kids on the bus are being annoying in a thoroughly modern way, but before the technology was invented. The whole joke is about anachronism.

The megaphone has been around since before the war, so you can go a long way back, but since mobile phones are a recent invention I think it would be a mistake to got too far back, maybe a late 60s early 70s feel. But I quite like the idea of the technology getting more and more antique and preposterous as the skit progresses: megaphones, telegrams, wind-uo gramaphones. I really like the idea of the big trumpet taking up all the space; that's funny, whereas a midi system isn't

There's only one way to settle this. FIGHT!

Quote: Graham Bandage @ May 30 2008, 12:23 PM BST

There's only one way to settle this. FIGHT!

Laughing out loud

This is a great sketch, chuckled to myself. :)

Share this page