British Comedy Guide

Some women can wear anything

1. INT. A DRESS SHOP. A SALES ASSISTANT IS WAITING OUTSIDE THE CHANGING ROOM.

SALES ASSISTANT

Is everything alright?

CUSTOMER (VO)

Yes... it's just a bit tight.

SALES ASSISTANT TAPS HER FOOT

SALES ASSISTANT

Do you need a hand?

CUSTOMER (VO)

No, won't be a mo. There!

CUSTOMER STEPS OUT FROM THE CHANGING ROOM. SHE IS NAKED APART FROM A PAIR OF HIGH-HEELED SHOES.

CUSTOMER

How do I look?

SALES ASSISTANT

It really suits you.

CUSTOMER

My bum doesn't look big in it?

SALES ASSISTANT

Not at all!

CUSTOMER

I wasn't sure about the colour?

SALES ASSISTANT

No, trust me, it's definitely you.

CUSTOMER

And it goes with the shoes?

SALES ASSISTANT

Oh, I would say so.

CUSTOMER

You don't think it needs letting out?

SALES ASSISTANT

No, it is fine just as it is.

CUSTOMER

It pinches a bit here.

SALES ASSISTANT

Let me see. No that will give.

CUSTOMER

Okay then. I'll take it.

SALES ASSISTANT

If you would just like to get changed...

CUSTOMER

That's okay, I'll wear it to go.

SALES ASSISTANT

Certainly. And will there be anything else?

CUSTOMER

Do you have a scarf to match?

SALES ASSISTANT

Of course...

CUT TO:

2. INT: THE DRESS SHOP CHECKOUT. THE CUSTOMER IS AT THE COUNTER, THE SALES ASSISTANT HOVERING CLOSE BY.

TILLGIRL

...and if you would just like to remove your card. Here's your receipt. Thank you for shopping with us.

CUSTOMER

And thank you.

THE SALES ASSISTANT HANDS THE CUSTOMER A SHOPBAG, PRESUMABLY WITH THE CLOTHES SHE CAME IN. THE CUSTOMER SMILES AT HER AND TURNS TO LEAVE.

SALES ASSISTANT

Wait! You still have the price tag on.

WE SEE THAT THERE IS A LARGE STICKY LABEL WITH A BARCODE STUCK TO THE CUSTOMER'S BOTTOM. ASTONISHING HOW WE HAVEN'T NOTICED IT BEFORE REALLY.

THE SALES ASSITANT STEPS UP TO PEEL IT OFF

SALES ASSISTANT

There you go.

CUSTOMER

I wouldn't have wanted my husband to see that!

SALES ASSISTANT

I am sure he will adore the outfit.

CUSTOMER

Him? He never notices what I am wearing.

THE CUSTOMER WAVES AND EXITS ONTO THE STREET.

TILLGIRL (CRANING OVER THE COUNTER TO WATCH THE CUSTOMER LEAVE)

What a sensational outfit!

SALES ASSISTANT

Yes dear, though of course some women can look good in anything.

TILLGIRL (WHO IS RATHER PLUMP)

Do we have it do you know in my size?

THE SALES ASSISTANT GIVES HER AN APPRAISING AND RATHER DOUBTFUL LOOK.

END.

This is just an excuse to see a lady in the nip, isn't it? There are websites available.

Nice riff on the Emperor's New Clothes, though.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ May 28 2008, 3:56 PM BST

This is just an excuse to see a lady in the nip, isn't it?

There is that to it certainly, and trust me I have done some mental casting. The actress would need to be a very good sport!

The pay off, which makes a point about women's fashion not being intended for the ordinary woman, is not the strongest, but then I am not sure whether or not a strong pay off is needed. Without one the nudity is rather gratuitous, but then that is kind of what makes it funny.

Heh Heh, for a moment I thought it was about a shop where you bought new skins.

But that would end differently, the assistant would say shall I wrap it, the buyer say yes, then she would go back into the dressing room & emerge as a plumper, dressed woman, with a complete human skin over her arm or on a hanger.

Share this page