Get Out And Stay Out

Is this too bizarre/weak?

Get Out and Stay Out
Written by Kim Griffin
humourfirst@hotmail.co.uk

CHARACTERS – 2 males, 1 female

(Gus stands outside of Jenna’s house. Jenna stands at an upstairs window appearing to be upset as she throws random objects (coat hangers etc) at James.)

Jenna:

Get out!

Gus:

Sweetheart!

Jenna:

I don’t want to hear it! Get away from this house! I don’t want to see you again!

Gus:

If you’d just listen to me-

Jenna:

No, I’m not listening to another word, get out of my life!

Gus:

Can I not even get my stuff?

(James walks by the house observing the apparent break up.)

James:

Oof, nasty stuff. Is she breaking up with you?

Gus:

Nope. I’m a burglar, she just caught me breaking in.

(Throws a half-empty plastic black bag out of the window.)

Jenna:

And take this with you!

Gus:
I love you.

(Takes his black plastic bag and casually walks past a shocked James.)

Women.

It's neither bizarre nor weak Kim, as with a few of your others it's a brilliant idea that needs some developing in my opinion.

And I don't follow how this James comes in, does he see this apprant break up and go into the house or is he talking from outside the house to an open window?

Gus is standing outside while Jenna is throwing all his stuff out from a top window. James just happens to b walking the house casually.

I reckon I it's missing either a better ending or it all just happens to fast?

Why would the burglar say "I love you?" and the appearence of James is a bit odd. Assuming he's a passing stranger, why would he poke his nose in?

Yeah I know the 'I love you' is a bit wierd, I just thought the scene was a stereotypical 'kicking out of the unfaithful man' so I thought I would maybe end it with the stereotypical 'unfaithful man' line of 'I love you'...even if he is actually a burglar which was either going to realy make it work or it was going to kill the sketch.

Reading it now I'm not so keen anymore.

Quote: Kim Griffin @ May 26 2008, 5:39 PM BST

Yeah I know the 'I love you' is a bit wierd, I just thought the scene was a stereotypical 'kicking out of the unfaithful man' so I thought I would maybe end it with the stereotypical 'unfaithful man' line of 'I love you'...even if he is actually a burglar which was either going to realy make it work or it was going to kill the sketch.

Reading it now I'm not so keen anymore.

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Don't give up on it, I like this sketch it's screaming potential, it's really one of those AH! Why didn't I think of that type of sketch.

just trying thinking more along the lines of, "It's not you it's me!" - "Can I at least have the DVD player?" - "Oh try getting everyone on your side" - they kind of work for a thief and a relationship.... kinda.

The I love you bit is the one that leaves me scratching my head a little -

Maybe the burglar has caught her in a compromising position and assumed he could just join in. So if he could say something typically male about her wanting it but not knowing it yet?

Throws a half-empty plastic black bag out of the window.)

Gus:
C'mon darling you were gagging for it

Jenna:

And I've called the police!

(Takes his black plastic bag and casually walks past a shocked James.)

Bloody women and uniforms

I was thrown at the first line...

(Gus stands outside of Jenna’s house. Jenna stands at an upstairs window appearing to be upset as she throws random objects (coat hangers etc) at James.)

Is James there at the start?

Bo.

Quote: Bohannon @ May 26 2008, 7:07 PM BST

Is James there at the start?

Bo.

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Looks like a typo to me

Is there a reason why the characters are named? The names are not used and it seems a bit odd when the reveal makes it clear that they are all strangers. "Man" "Woman" and "Bloke walking a dog" would seem more appropriate.

James line reads very odd, because of ht reference to stuff.

As to the substance, as others have said it is an inspired idea that needs working up. I like the idea of Gus rather than asking for his stuff back, pleading to be able to take specific items of property with him such as, someone said, the DVD player, and it then being revealed he is a burglar.

If you are going for the "I love you" ending, why not go for double the weirdness by having Jenna appear at the window and say "Really?"

Quote: Timbo @ May 27 2008, 2:37 PM BST

If you are going for the "I love you" ending, why not go for double the weirdness by having Jenna appear at the window and say "Really?"

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I like it

I've been away. Every point that was made was good and yes I made a type-o (whip me for my crime!)

I like the original twist of the guy being a burglar but I will definitely work on a better ending.

I named the characters because for every person that says name them no matter what, another person says don't.

Quote: Kim Griffin @ May 28 2008, 3:17 PM BST

(whip me for my crime!)

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Whatever floats your boat