Tattoo Shop

Int. A tattoo shop - Day

There is a man sat backwards on a chair with his shirt off. The tattooist is sat behind him drawing the tattoo on his back. Mark, the tattooist is speaking on the phone at the same time. The camera is a reversed over the shoulder shot, and we can see the mans face as well as over his shoulder.

MARK: (On the phone)
Oh hey Sarah, what's up?

MARK: No, sorry love I'm held up at work here

MARK: Well you know I would love nothing more than to look after your two little boys but...

Mark suddenly looks shocked.

Mark: Oh no! Got to go Sarah

He puts the phone away hurriedly and looks quite terrified.

Mark: Erm.. What did you want your tattoo to say again?

Man: Jane

Mark: Wow, you know sometimes when you're talking and writing at the same time and you write what you're saying. Well that kind of happened

Camera looks at the man's back and there is a love heart with "Little Boys" tattooed in the middle of the heart.

I liked that, made me laugh. Well, sort of snort out my nose; does that count as a laugh?

That's funny!

Although try to get out of the habit of adding camera direction.

Quote: Leevil @ May 25 2008, 2:18 PM BST

Although try to get out of the habit of adding camera direction.

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Yeah, try and cut that out if possible; they dont like it.

Yeah, I tend to put camera directions down because that's how I visualise them.

Easily stopped though.

This needs a bunch of work in terms of presentation but it's a great gag. Kind of reminded me of 'Millpool' from The Simpsons.

good idea, maybe edit to:

MARK: Well you know I would love nothing more than to look after your two little boys but...

Mark suddenly looks shocked.

Mark: Oh no! Got to go Sarah

He puts the phone away hurriedly and looks quite terrified.

Camera looks at the man's back and there is a love heart with "Little Boys" tattooed in the middle of the heart.

END

Your end sentences, for me, are superfluous. the presentation could be tightened as well. for example get rid of 'He puts the phone away hurriedly and looks quite terrified.' it detracts from the pace and makes the punch less mike tyson, more james dyson (it sucks). anyway good sketch. PS It doesn't really suck.

Good sketch, but nIck I think has the right final edit.

Hahah, I like this idea.

Haha I kind of guessed it, though not completely, and it really made me laugh, either way!

Good one. Liked it.
Felt for certain I'd worked it out and that Sarah-Jane would be tatooed on his back.

I liked that one.