Cat In The Wood Sketch Page 2

I did a rewrite of this today. Just edited a few things out. I tried the dog ending. Let me know what you think.

Ext. Woods

A man and woman are walking along a path. The man spots something in the bushes.

Man: Hey, look. It’s a cat.

The man picks a cat up from out of the bush.

Woman: Put it down! You don’t know where it’s been. It could have anything.

Man: A pretty cat like this? No.

The cat scratches the man.

Man: Agh! You bastard!

The man drops the cat and the cat runs back into the bushes.

Woman: Lets take a look.

The woman looks at the man's hand.

Woman: You’re gonna need a plaster. We'll stop at the chemists on the way home.

Man: Do they sell balls of string there?

Woman: What? What d'you want a ball of string for?

Man: (CONFUSED) I don’t know.

CUT TO: Int. Living Room. Night.

The man is watching TV. The woman enters.

Woman: What d’you fancy for dinner?

Man: Fish.

Woman: Again? We’ve had it every night for the past two weeks.

Man: I love fish. It’s as simple as that.

Woman: No. Something’s going on. Ever since you got scratched by that cat-

Man: Leave him out of this!

Woman: But, your hand, it's not normal.

The man raises his hand up defiantly. It's furry and has claws.

Man: There's nothing wrong with my hand!

Woman: You need to see a doctor.

Man: No I don’t! (BEAT) I need a bowl of milk.

CUT TO: Ext. Garden

The man is squatting over some soil with his trousers round his ankles. The man now has two furry hands and a set of whiskers. The woman runs over.

Woman: What are you doing?!

Man: (DAZED) I don’t know. I just don’t know.

CUT TO: Int. Hallway

The man, who is now a fully developed cat, goes to open the front door. The woman runs up to him

Woman: The doctor said you had to stay inside.

Man: There's nothing wrong with me.

The woman raises her eyebrows at the man.

Man: So I've turned into a cat! Deal with it. I have.

Woman: You're not going out.

Man: Get out of my way. I’ve got territory to mark.

The man pushes the woman out of the way and exits the front door.

CUT TO: Ext. Front of house. Continuous

The man walks down the path. The woman runs after him. The man hurriedly crosses the road. A car hits him and stops. The woman screams and runs over to the man.

Man: (DAZED) 9 lives…. what about my 9 lives….

Woman: Somebody help! Please!

The car door opens. A man sized dog gets out of the car.

Dog: He just ran out of nowhere!

The dog comes round the front of the car.

Dog: Oh. It’s a cat. (LAUGHS)

The man’s eyes roll back in his head. The dog carries on laughing as the woman sobs.

ENDS

Love the new ending Ben, and structurally it's much tighter.

Still think you should have him disliking cats in the beginning though. What if the woman picks it up and makes him stroke it? He says he hates cats but does it for her sake. I think it will make his transformation all the funnier. Just a thought.

I laughed like a drain when I read this bit. Really LOL stuff. Read the re-write and again couldn't continue for a second or two. I'm telling ya' it cracks me up. I find it difficult to get past this bit without going back to dwell on it.
The whole sketch is well done but the bit below...

-----

Man: Hey, look. It’s a cat.

The man picks a cat up from out of the bush.

Woman: Put it down! You don’t know where it’s been. It could have anything.

Man: A pretty cat like this? No.

The cat scratches the man.

Man: Agh! You bastard!

I'm glad you liked it!

With the added bits, I actually like it even more! The whole "I'm going out to mark my territory" bit was the one that got me. For some worrying reason I can see my boyfriend saying that... I really love this, you are fast becoming one of my favourite writers on here.

Top work Winterlight! Good re-write thanks for posting.

Hi Winterlight - nice work. But for the third time in recent crit postings I totally disagree with the consensus that the rewrite is better. I much prefer the original version. As others have said, the punch wasn't quite there but I think all you have to do is end with the car crash and 9 lives bit - i.e. come to halt earlier and it's a very nice sketch.

I quite often think the rewrites are worse as well Badge... Which adds to my masses of paranoia concerning my own rewrites. This time was one of the few I preferred.

That's quite interesting Badge, because I did think the appearence of the dog was a little too bizarre and didn't make much sense.

I guess I'll have to make a decision on how to end it when I submit it. If I ever get the chance to submit to a producer that is!

At your threat to rewrite it again, I like the dog driving the car bit, up until maybe

Dog: Oh. It’s a cat. (LAUGHS)

The man’s eyes roll back in his head. The dog carries on laughing as the woman sobs.

That's maybe one step too far if I were being picky. Up until that point I think the randomness, yet relevance of a dog driving is funny. Odd, but funny. In my mind it's funnier that the dog is concerned, or at least doesn't express his lack of it. It's far more "British" to act concerned when you drive someone down even when your not.

I'm rambling. It's too early for this. But I still agree with what... I... opinion... say.

If it was going to go on from

Dog: He just ran out of nowhere!

then for some reason I see the dog offering to ring an 999, being all worried, but then as the woman is not watching, leaning over her dead cats body, the dog casually leans against the car, not that interested as he's calling, "in a kind of, stupid cat, causing me trouble" way. Or/and a evil ish raised eyebrow.

Quote: Rebecca Davies @ May 23 2008, 8:17 AM BST

then for some reason I see the dog offering to ring an 999, being all worried, but then as the woman is not watching, leaning over her dead cats body, the dog casually leans against the car, not that interested as he's calling, "in a kind of, stupid cat, causing me trouble" way. Or/and a evil ish raised eyebrow.

View original

Then pan round to reveal on the side of the car a number of pictures of cats with crosses through...

It could always be Snoop Dogg driving.

Or the car drives off with Hound Dog playing loudly.

My whole problem with the dog thing is that the dog just appears. There's no reason for him to be there.

I think Badge's suggestion of ending on the "9 lives" line is the one I'm most comfortable with. The death of the man/cat brings the sketch to a close.

I've never seen a suggestion split the critics as much as this one.

To dog or not to dog, now that is a question!

Dog dog dog! I see why your concerned that the dog just comes out of nowhere, and is not connected to the rest of the sketch, but I don't think this is true... he's a dog.... the others a cat... the connections are endless! It's funny, the idea that a giant man sized dog is out there as well as the cat, and that this is normal.

However, the writer knows best. And the essence isn't lost by finishing it on "9 lines".