Cat In The Wood Sketch

I’m not sure if this is a bit too CUT TO-ey and weird. Let me know!

Ext. Woods

A man and woman are walking along a path. The man spots something in the bushes.

Man: Hey, look. It’s a cat.

The man picks a cat up from out of the bush.

Woman: Put it down! You don’t know where it’s been. It could have anything.

Man: A pretty cat like this? No.

The cat scratches the man.

Man: Agh! You bastard!

The man drops the cat and the cat runs back into the bushes.

Woman: Let’s take a look.

The woman looks at the man’s hand.

Woman: You’re gonna need a plaster. We’ll stop at the chemists on the way home.

Man: Do they sell balls of string there?

Woman: What? What d’you want a ball of string for?

Man: (CONFUSED) I… don’t know.

CUT TO: Int. Living Room. Night.

The man is sat in an armchair reading a newspaper. The woman enters.

Woman: What d’you fancy for dinner?

Man: Fish.

Woman: Again? We’ve had it every night for the past two weeks.

Man: I love fish. It’s as simple as that.

Woman: No. Something’s going on. Ever since you got scratched by that cat-

Man: Leave him out of this! He was a lovely cat! One of the finest cats to have ever purred!

Woman: But-

Man: I shall hear no more about that feline. You hear me?

Woman: You need to see a doctor.

Man: No I don’t! (BEAT) I need a bowl of milk.

CUT TO: Int. Kitchen

The woman is doing some washing up. She looks out of the window and gasps. The man is revealed to be squatting over some soil and straining with his trousers round his ankles.

CUT TO: Ext. Garden

The man is using a shovel to bury something in the soil. He’s sobbing. The woman runs up to him.

Woman: What are you doing?!

Man: (DAZED) I don’t know. I just don’t know.

CUT TO: Int. Hallway

The woman is stood by an open front door. She is looking out.

Woman: You can’t go out like that. You’re not well.

CUT TO: Int. Front Garden

The man is stood by the front door. He is now a human sized cat. The woman is looking out of the door.

Man: Look. I’m fine. I’m just going out for a quick scratch.

Woman: You need a doctor.

Man: No!

Woman: Then see a vet, please!

Man: NO!

The man walks off down the path. The woman runs after him. The man hurriedly crosses the road. A car hits him and stops. The woman screams and runs over to the man who is trapped under the car.

Man: (DAZED) 9 lives…. what about my 9 lives….

Woman: Somebody help! Please!

The car door opens and out hops the cat from the woods. It runs away as the woman screams for help.

SCREEN FADES TO BLACK.

ENDS

I've said this before about your sketches Ben and I'll say it again:

Funny, weird but funny. Good stuff fella.

Yeah! It's funny, but weird. But good.

Funny and distinctly odd.

I like this. It's really good. Not sure about the ending; seems a tad weak and I'm sure there must be a better way of finishing it(him) off but the rest of it is top-notch.

Dan

I was a little unsure about the ending too. I'd rather avoid the use of the cat again, as I imagine they're difficult to work with!

I'll have to have a think about that one.

I think most of us like this, except the ending.

What do you think of an ending that involved the man getting run over by a car, driven by a man who has turned into a dog? Dogs kill cats right.

I think the appearance of the dog would be a bit out of leftfield. I know the sketch is hardly set in reality, but I did try to keep some natural progression in it.

I'll give the old 'putting it away in a drawer for a week and then coming back to it' approach a try.

the approach favoured by many an Austrian writer.

Hey get sent to prison for 6 months. It worked for Austria's most successful author.

Great stuff, Winterlight. Very funny. For some reason the following line made me laugh like a twat:

Man: I love fish. It’s as simple as that.

Where you have 'CUT TO-ey' problems is this scene:

CUT TO: Int. Hallway

The woman is stood by an open front door. She is looking out.

Woman: You can’t go out like that. You’re not well.

CUT TO: Int. Front Garden

The man is stood by the front door. He is now a human sized cat. The woman is looking out of the door.

Man: Look. I’m fine. I’m just going out for a quick scratch.

Better to have them both in the same location (the Hallway) then have him running across the street for the next scene, otherwise it's just confusing.

And this scene I don't get:

CUT TO: Ext. Garden

The man is using a shovel to bury something in the soil. He’s sobbing. The woman runs up to him.

Woman: What are you doing?!

Man: (DAZED) I don’t know. I just don’t know.

What's he burying? Do cats bury things? And if they do, wouldn't they use their paws instead of a shovel?

As to the ending, I think Sofa Matt has the right idea about using a weredog. What if he got out of the car, panicked and rushed over to the woman with a "He came out of nowhere!" line. You could then reveal that he has the head of a dog. Cue screaming woman. Or maybe he consoles her and they fall in love? Turns out she's really a dog person.

One final thought, for the beginning it would make for a more dramatic turnaround if the man didn't like cats.

Anyway, keep up the good work.

Quote: David Bussell @ May 20 2008, 9:24 AM BST

What's he burying? Do cats bury things? And if they do, wouldn't they use their paws instead of a shovel?

View original

He's burying the turd he's just dropped. I probably need to make it clearer - keep his trousers round his ankles.

Or maybe just have him on his hind quarters when the woman rushes out there. I think that's the best option.

Hahaha. Ha.

I love this. I don't know why exactly. But it's just lickin' tootin' great.

Hi,

Nice idea, needs cutting down. Maybe it could be a lot more visual with less dialogue.

The nine lives bit is very good, you could also use some of the other things that cats do, hate dogs, hear really well. I don't think he needs to become a full cat, we get the idea.

Maybe he could embarass his friends who are pissed off by his cat behaviour then he gets hit by the car and they realize that there is a massive upside to being a cat and ask him to scratch them?

john

Purple Comedy

Quote: John Burns @ May 20 2008, 5:24 PM BST

The nine lives bit is very good, you could also use some of the other things that cats do, hate dogs, hear really well. I don't think he needs to become a full cat, we get the idea.

View original

I really like the idea of being able to hear well, especially with the cliche that "men don't listen" etc. Sure something funny could be done there.

Though, as I said above, I love it anyway.