FX: TIME PIPS
VOICE OVER: The Greenwich Time Signal: well loved staple of BBC Radio.
GRAMS
RAMATIC CHORD
VOICE OVER: But on this, the 50th anniversary of the time signal we ask – is there a darker side to the pips? Is this yet another BBC scandal? We talked to a member of the public who has been affected by the time pips.
MAN: I first noticed something was wrong when I had the Radio on in two different rooms. On one radio the pips were slightly behind the other radio. I felt confused and scared; I didn’t know which was the correct time. It got so bad that one morning I even missed my bus by 0.3 seconds because I’d used the wrong radio.
VOICE OVER: A fault with one of his radios? Perhaps. But the mystery depended when we came into possession of a leaked BBC memo which gave us a startling insight into the real depths of this time conspiracy.
READER:From RADIO CONTROLLER to PRODUCER, GREENWICH TIME SIGNAL. Dave, what happened to last night’s time signal? Has Steve got a sore throat? He nearly ruined it. I think in future we should pre-record.
VOICE OVER: Are the time signals pre-recorded and not live? Even worse, are the pips made by a person and not, as supposed, made by an atomic clock at Greenwich? Apparently so. A BBC whistleblower sent us this recording of when the time pips actor turned up too drunk to perform.
PRODUCER: (POOR QUALITY RECORDING) Are you sure about this Steve? You can hardly stand.
STEVE: (POOR QUALITY RECORDING) (DRUNK, SLURRED) Of coursh I *hic* coursh I can. I’m a prof…profeshnul. Let’s go for a take. (BEAT)
FX: PIP…PIP…PIP…
STEVE: *hic* Line?
VOICE OVER: As this new scandal rocks the BBC, media pressure groups are already calling for BBC Radio’s Head Controller to do the honourable thing and commit suicide. (UPBEAT) The time now is 11:15 and you’re listening to Radio 4... (INTENSE) Or are you…?