British Comedy Guide

Have you ever..... Page 3

Aw!!

To both.

When I eat baked beans I always feel really guilty if I leave one in the bottom of the tin. Even those half crippled brown beans I get out and eat just because I'd hate it to feel left out.

Quote: chipolata @ May 8 2008, 1:51 PM BST

When I eat baked beans I always feel really guilty if I leave one in the bottom of the tin. Even those half crippled brown beans I get out and eat just because I'd hate it to feel left out.

It's funny you say that.

It's like after Christmas and you see all those unsold festive items that were made to bring cheer to someone and their purpose is left unfulfilled.

That's a bonkers thought process - Christmas puddings don't have feelings.

Quote: EllieJP @ May 8 2008, 1:47 PM BST

I once put salt on a slug, and felt so bad (I could practically hear it screaming as it melted and frothed) that I started trying to put it out of it's misery by dropping rocks on it from a great height. Which made it scream more... Oh I cried for days.

I've done that. But they're vile creatures so felt no guilt.

Quote: Aaron @ May 8 2008, 1:55 PM BST

I've done that. But they're vile creatures so felt no guilt.

Yes but, it looked so upset. I felt so bad.

It's a horrible waste, according to the French, we have the tastiest snugs, and snails in the world.

You should put them in an empty jar for 24 hours, to starve any poison out of them. Then add some tasty leaves for an another 24 (wild garlic, basil, sage), maybe some beer. Then the little bastards marinate them selves as they eat them.

Then fry them whilst still alive, in hot butter, with garlic.

Magnifique!

Quote: Charley @ May 7 2008, 8:35 PM BST

Had sex with an object that was not made for sexual pleasure.
Like an armchair or a roof?

I remember a lad at school asking some girls if they'd taken a shampoo bottle, 'inserted it' and rolled back to simulate the sensation of...you know...

We all stood and looked at him opened mouthed that he could even ask such a question.

Shampoo bottle???? How big did he think their bits were???

Women are built for sex with inanimate objects, whereas men really struggle. Maybe we could do it with the hoover, or a melon with a hole bored into it, but that's about all.

Quote: EllieJP @ May 8 2008, 2:24 PM BST

Shampoo bottle???? How big did he think their bits were???

Maybe he meant a 'travel sized' bottle!

Quote: EllieJP @ May 8 2008, 2:24 PM BST

Shampoo bottle???? How big did he think their bits were???

Laughing out loud

Back in those days - mid 80s - you could get narrow necked bottles for shampoo. Vosene was one brand that springs to mind.

I believe that part of the body has babies coming out, so a shampoo bottle is nothing.

Maybe the direction is the issue here - it's a question of chemico-biological physics

No, I think it's a remarkably adaptable passage.

Quote: EllieJP @ May 8 2008, 1:47 PM BST

I once put salt on a slug, and felt so bad (I could practically hear it screaming as it melted and frothed)

Oooo now, edit my previous post on raw liver - a jam jar full of frothing slugs sounds a bit more fun!
Whistling nnocently

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