A start

A start to a sketch but I'm not really sure if it's worth making something from it or not.

Int. TV studio, discussion programme set.

CHRIS:Good evening and welcome to Talking Bollocks. I’m your host Chris Bollocks and with me tonight are failed singer, failed actress and reality TV star Tracy Cleavage-Blonde…

TRACYGIGGLE)

CHRIS: From boyband Wanksock we have the probably gay one whom all the menopausal mums seem to like – Darren Threebobnote…

DARRENGIGGLE)

CHRIS:…and Regius Professor of some sort of science I can’t even pronounce, Alan Wilkinson.

ALAN: A very good evening to you.

CHRIS: Try again.

ALAN: Erm...(GIGGLE)

CHRIS:That's better. OK, we’ll take a question from the audience. Yes, the lady there with the orange hat.

WOMAN:Yes, I wanted to ask the panel, “Kids these days, eh? Tchoh!”

CHRIS:Tracy, any thoughts?

TRACYGIGGLE) Not really Chris.

CHRIS:I can’t say I’m surprised. Professor?

ALAN:Well I think the whole problem stems from a lack of self esteem on the part of these youths. The fact that they feel compelled to put videos of these actions on YouTube implies that they are reaching out…

CHRIS:I’m going to have to stop you there, Professor. We’ve never seen a paparazzi snap of you falling drunk out of a nightclub so I’m afraid no-one is paying attention. Let’s have another audience question.

to be continued?

It's a good idea, but it's a bit slow, and cumbersome, and you use simple jokes quite heavily.

I think you need to make it pacier, but it's in the right direction

Fair points. I've now tweaked it slightly to make it less clunky.

It's building upto a really good skit, but 2 thoughts

1 It does lack originallity, find one or two unusal references,

2 Show don't tell, e.g. Tracy doesn't say "not really chris," but "teehee bunnies pretty," or jsut repeats "I've got a new album," for each answer

and rather than "I'm not surprised," a resigned tchh maybe better.

It's a good skit, but two things that work in comedy writing.

1 Surprise! Seriously always look for the unexpected.

2 Viewers making leaps of perception. E.g. don't say she's stupid, but hint at it.

Otherise you're going in the right direction.

Hope you don't mind all the feedback.

Quote: sootyj @ May 8 2008, 11:32 AM BST

Hope you don't mind all the feedback.

View original

I thought that was the point of a critique forum...? It's all appreciated. It's always harder to edit your own work as you know what you were trying to say whereas other can see what you've actually said.

The basic idea was that the professor was in completely the wrong place. Hopefully that will become more obvious when I've finished it. I'm just waiting for a killer punchline to occur to me.