Puns eh?

Int: Canteen. Two people are sitting eating. One is fiddling about with a bit of salad on their plate.

Person 1: This is very odd. My lettuce keeps muttering about Mr. White's Pantaloons in the 2:30 at Chepstow.

Person 2: I expect that's just the tip of the iceberg. Mind you, it's lucky we're in the canteen - I think my watch must be hungry.

Person 1: What makes you say that?

Person 2: It's just gone back four seconds.

Pokes around on their plate a bit more.

Person 1: I'm sure we've had this mustard before.

Person 2: Oh I expect you're just experiencing dijon vu.

Grim. Reminds me of my dad who used to say "do you want mushrooms, well cant because there isnt mush room on your plate" - he was unfunny too.

Yeah, puns are generally terrible but it's ALWAYS fun to inflict them on others

Person 1 picks up the salt cellar and accidentally knocks over the pepper pot.

Person 1: Oh no, it's an assault on Pepper!

"Cheque please!"

Quote: Afinkawan @ May 7 2008, 10:48 AM BST

Yeah, puns are generally terrible but it's ALWAYS fun to inflict them on others

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Which is why this place needs a forum for such things - unless you really posted these up for a critique?

I love puns! Great stuff.

I once when drunk, gave Rory mcGarth a fiver for telling a great joke. he was quite pissed of that I pronounced his name with an ay, instead of an O.

Turns out it's the wrong way to tip a Rarey.

Also I met Cliff Richard once, and he was completely hyper, kissed me then started crying.

Turns out he only ever pays a quid for drugs, so he always gets cheap stuff.

He was wired for a pound.

I am the Pun-da-mentalist!

SARAH: Where's Jill? Has she gone to the shops to get the thread I asked her for?

ELAINE: Thread? I’m sure she said she was going to buy bread.

SARAH: Ah. Oh dear. So you mean she’s gone, but not for cotton.

And in response to M Lewis - a bit of both. Yes I posted them for a bit of critique but also it is fun inflicting puns on others. Some people really like puns, some really hate them.

Puns are how I express my hatred for humanity in general.

I tell you what George Michael runs a really crap escort agency. I called him up, and insisted I went out with a big boobed, 60 year old, Liverpudlian standup.

He said you gotta have Faith Brown