OK guys,
Here's a synopsis for the first episode of a sitcom called 'Accommodating Moose'
"What happens when you've entrusted your brother to take care of your home and your dog while you're away on holiday with your wife, only to find on your return that your home is unfit for human habitation, the neighbours are threatening eviction and litigation, and your dog is undergoing colonic irrigation?"
Every episode centres around two brothers - Malcolm, dependable, relaible and Bob, devious and manipulative - and Moose, a misunderstood skinhead who hero worships Alan Titchmarsh.
Bob’s exploits become increasingly more daring, and at the end of each episode viewers are left wondering how he has managed to get away with “it” and to what depths he will stoop next time.
ACCOMMODATING MOOSE
EPISODE ONE
CAST LIST
MALCOLM: Early thirties
DEBBIE: Late twenties to early thirties
BOB: Early to mid twenties
MOOSE: Early to mid twenties
AMBER: Twenties
DAVID PASCOE: OAP
CUSTOMS OFFICER:
SCENE. 1/1 EXT. EARLY MORNING.
SET. ENTRANCE. HEATHROW AIRPORT.
PASSENGERS AND VISITORS COMING AND GOING. NORMAL BUILD-UP OF AIRPORT TRAFFIC - TAXI’S, CARS, ETC.
SCENE. 1/2 INT. EARLY MORNING.
SET. AIRPORT. CUSTOMS HALL. APPROACH TO THE ‘NOTHING TO DECLARE’ CHANNEL.
A FREE FLOW OF PASSENGERS STREAM THROUGH THE ‘NOTHING TO DECLARE’ ENTRANCE.
SCENE. 1/3 INT. EARLY MORNING.
SET. AIRPORT. CUSTOMS HALL. NOTHING TO DECLARE CHANNEL.
AN ARROGANT LOOKING CUSTOMS OFFICER STANDING BEHIND A LONG DESK CLOSELY OBSERVES THE STEADY FLOW OF PASSENGERS COMING THROUGH. HIS ARMS ARE FOLDED AND HIS FACE IS EXPRESSIONLESS.
SCENE. 1/4 INT. EARLY MORNING.
SET. AIRPORT. CUSTOMS HALL. NOTHING TO DECLARE CHANNEL.
A VERY TRAVEL WEARY MALCOLM AND DEBBIE ARE WALKING THROUGH THE HALL. MALCOLM IS PUSHING A LUGGAGE TROLLEY CONTAINING TWO SUITCASES, A HOLDALL AND A BAG OF DUTY-FREE SHOPPING. DEBBIE IS HOLDING MALCOLM BY HIS ARM.
OFFICEROOV) Excuse me sir – madam.
REALISING THE CUSTOMS OFFICER IS TALKING TO THEM, MALCOLM WEARILY SHUTS HIS EYES AND SHAKES HIS HEAD BEFORE GIVING A RESIGNED LOOK TO DEBBIE. TOGETHER THEY APPROACH THE TABLE.
OFFICERDEADPAN) If you’ll be kind enough to put your cases on the table, please.
MALCOLM, WITH DEBBIE’S HELP, STRUGGLES BUT MANAGES TO LAY THE SUITCASES ON THE TABLE.
OFFICER:Have you anything to declare?
MALCOLMTIRED) No.
OFFICER:Are the cases locked?
MALCOLM LOOKS AT DEBBIE AND SHE BEGINS TO SEARCH HER HANDBAG FOR THE KEYS.
SCENE. 1/5 INT. MID-MORNING.
SET. FRONT DOOR. MALCOLM AND DEBBIE’S FLAT.
BOB, WEARING NOTHING MORE THAN A DRESSING GOWN IS IN A PASSIONATE CLINCH WITH A VERY GOOD LOOKING GIRL, AMBER, WHO IS HOLDING ONTO A PLASTIC CARRIER BAG ALMOST AS TIGHTLY AS SHE IS BOB. THEIR KISS SEEMS TO GO ON FOREVER UNTIL BOB MANAGES TO BREAK FREE. THEY HOLD HANDS AND TENDERLY GAZE AT EACH OTHER.
AMBER:I’ve had a wonderful time, Bob.
BOB:Yeah, me too. I’m really sorry about the, you know, what happened before. I can’t think what happened. Normally I can handle my lager.
BOB PULLS AMBER UP CLOSE AND NUZZLES HER NECK.
BOBSEDUCTIVELY) But I’ve been drinking in your beauty too, Amber my darling, and my mum told me I’d be sick if I mixed my drinks.
AMBERGIGGLES) Oh, Bob, you’re so sweet, you say the most romantic things.
BOBPASSIONATELY) But not as sweet as you, my little Amber nectar.
AMBERPULLING AWAY) Thanks for the loan of the top, anyway. (HOLDS UP BAG) I’m never comfortable wearing vomit on my blouse.
BOB:Think nothing of it.
BOB TRIES TO PULL AMBER TOWARDS HIM AGAIN, BUT SHE PUTS OUT AN ARM TO STOP HIM.
AMBER:Are you sure you’re not married?
BOB:I’ve told you I’m not. (ROMANTICALLY) Look, I don’t know if I’m in a garden, or in a crowded avenue.
AMBER:What?
BOB:I’ve only got eyes for you.
AMBERo why have you got all those girls things in your wardrobe?
BOB:I can see I can get nothing past you, Amber. Looks like my little secret’s out.
AMBERALARMED) What secret?
BOBon’t worry, you’re safe with me, I’m only storing a few things for my sister.
AMBER:You’ve got a sister! What’s her name?
BOBis. (PULLING AMBER TOWARDS HIM) Never mind all that because we’ve still got unfinished business to get through.
BOB AND AMBER KISS. THE PHONE RINGS.
SCENE. 1/6 EXT. MID-MORNING.
SET. AIRPORT. CAR PARK
DEBBIE IS SITTING IN THE CAR WHILE MALCOLM LOADS THE REMAINING BITS OF LUGGAGE IN THE BOOT OF THE FORD MONDEO AND SLAMS SHUT THE TAILGATE. DEBBIE IS ON HER MOBILE PHONE PATIENTLY WAITING FOR HER CALL TO BE ANSWERED. MALCOLM GETS IN THE DRIVERS SIDE.
MALCOLM:Well?
DEBBIE SHAKES HER HEAD IMPATIENTLY.
SCENE. 1/7 INT. MID-MORNING
SET FRONT DOOR MALCOLM AND DEBBIE’S FLAT.
THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING. AMBER PULLS AWAY FROM BOB WHO IS NOW NUZZLING HEAVILY AT HER NECK.
AMBERhouldn’t you get that?
BOB:Get what?
AMBER:The phone.
BOB:The what?
AMBER:The phone!
BOBNOW NUZZLING VERY DEEPLY) Sorry, I can’t hear you. The phone’s ringing.
BOB AND AMBER CONTINUE KISSING PASSIONATELY.
SCENE 1/8. EXT. MID-MORNING
SET. AIRPORT CAR PARK
THE MONDEO DRIVES OUT AND AWAY FROM THE CAR PARK.
SCENE 1/9. EXT. MID-MORNING
SET. MOTORWAY, M4
WIDE ANGLE SHOT OF FREE FLOWING TRAFFIC. THE MONDEO PASSES A SIGN FOR THE M4 TO LONDON.
SCENE 1/10. EXT. MID-MORNING.
SET. INT MONDEO CABIN.
MALCOLM:Well, the traffic’s moving so at least that’s something I suppose.
DEBBIE:If you say so.
MALCOLM:And with any luck we should be home in about an hour or so, give or take.
DEBBIE:That is assuming we’ve got a home to go back to of course.
MALCOLMh, please don’t start all that again.
DEBBIE:Well, why isn’t he answering the phone?
MALCOLM:I don’t know. Be reasonable, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation, so stop worrying.
DEBBIE:He’s your brother. That’s reason enough don’t you think? Not one of your brightest ideas, was it, getting Bob to flat-sit?
MALCOLMh, come on, we were stuck. We needed someone to look after Max and he was available.
DEBBIE:Malc, Bob doesn’t know how to treat people let alone animals so why trust him to look after our dog? Barbara Woodhouse he isn’t.
MALCOLM:He gave his word and I believe him. Just give him the benefit of the doubt for once, hmm? Why can’t you do that?
DEBBIE:Because Bob is what Bob does and every time we get your ‘baby’ brother involved in anything, there’s always a price to pay. Have you forgotten Amsterdam? He got you to pay up front for everyone for the entire weekend but then the whole bloody crowd of them went except you?
MALCOLMo, alright, he made a mistake, who hasn’t? He just forgot to pick me up on the way to the ferry.
DEBBIE:But it was your stag do!
MALCOLM:You’ll see. You’re wrong. You’re reading too much into this.
DEBBIERESIGNED) We’ll see.
DEBBIE SWITCHES HER MOBILE PHONE ON AND PRESSES THE REDIAL BUTTON.
SCENE. 1/11. INT. MID-MORNING
SET. KITCHEN. MALCOLM AND DEBBIE’S FLAT.
STILL DRESSED IN ONLY A DRESSING GOWN, BOB IS DOING A FRY-UP WHILE LISTENING TO ‘FREE BIRD’ BY LYNARD SKYNARD COMING FROM A RADIO CASSETTE PLAYER. AS HE IS COOKING, BOB IS RHYTHMICALLY SWAYING AND HEADBANGING IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC AND CONSEQUENTLY DOES NOT HEAR THE PHONE RINGING OVER THE HEAVY ROCK AND ROLL SOUND.
SCENE. 1/12. EXT. MOTORWAY
SET INT MONDEO CABIN.
MOBILE PHONE HELD LOOSELY IN HER HAND, DEBBIE LOOKS AT MALCOLM AND PULLS AN ‘I TOLD YOU SO’ EXPRESSION. MALCOLM STRUGGLES TO THINK OF A PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION.
MALCOLM:He’s probably out walking Max.
DEBBIESARCASTICALLY) Yes, but will he remember to bring him back!
SCENE. 1/13. INT. MID-MORNING
SET. LOUNGE. MALCOLM AND DEBBIE’S FLAT.
MOOSE OPENS THE SPARE BEDROOM DOOR AND GINGERLY WALKS INTO THE LOUNGE. HE IS LOOKING VERY, VERY, HUNGOVER. HE IS WEARING UNION JACK BOXER SHORTS, THREADBARE GREY SOCKS WITH A TOE POKING THROUGH AND OVER HIS SOILED WHITE T-SHIRT IS A VERY SNUG FITTING BLACK LACE BRA.
THE LOUNGE IS IN A STATE OF DISARRAY – THE END RESULT OF A WILD PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE. FOOD, DRINK, CIGARETTE ENDS AND A HOST OF OTHER REMAINDERS LAY ALL AROUND. HE GETS HALF WAY INTO THE ROOM, THEN STOPS AS HE REALISES HE HAS STEPPED IN SOMETHING WHICH MAKES HIS SOCKS WET. HE PULLS A FACE, LIFTS ONE FOOT TO GLANCE AT THE SOLE OF IT AND MOUTHS “OH F….”
MOOSE HEARS THE MUSIC COMING FROM THE KITCHEN AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY BEGINS, ALBEIT AWKWARDLY, TO MOVE HIS BODY IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC. HE IS NOW AWARE AND OVERCOME BY THE ENTICING SMELL OF FRIED BACON COMING FROM THE KITCHEN.
HE SCRATCHES HIS BOTTOM AND THEN HIS CROTCH. HE YAWNS AGAIN AND RHYTHMICALLY DRIFTS TOWARDS THE KITCHEN.