Last tilt at Tilt 1

INTRO SEX CHAT LINE ADVERT 2 GIRLS GIRL
1
Hi and welcome to not quite naughtiness, semi erotic chat lines.

GIRL2
Thanks to the changes to the obsene publications act, we can still talk dirty

GIRL1
Just not as dirty, or you'll goto prison you naughty boy

GIRL2
So call 0898 too ask me how my day was, and compliment my new shoes

GIRL1
Or call 0897 to suggest watching a rom com, and then meeting my parents.

GIRL2
Or why not buy one of our films, Shallow Throat, or Debbie has a nice weekend break in Dallas.

MAN
Or for you gay guys, we've got nice young men waiting to discuss Cliff Richard right now.

One of my final tries at Tilt

Have there been changes to that act? If so, I think it's a good, solid, topical sketch.

You could perhaps have picked more amusing 'safe' alternatives for the phone conversations (alliteration seems to works well in these cases, as do hard sounding letters like T's and B's).

I liked it.

Laugh out loud stuff there Mister Sooty and your last one was great too. Good luck with em.

The obsene publication acts has been modified since the murder of a young woman, by a man who was obsessed with hard core pornographic sites.

In a rare moment of good taste, I won't discuss either the murder or the sites.

Sufficent to say, the act means if you have material proscribed by the act in your possession. You can now personally be criminally charged.

So if the words gynophagia or necro-girl means anything to you, I'd burn your computer.

If it seems quite soggy, and safe it's cos it's for Tilt and so behaved myself.

Thanks for feedback.

It's alright but missing a big finish. All your witty one-liners are at the same level, if you see what I mean and there's no build-up to the end and the big laugh.

Dan

Hmm I thought that, but as I was writing for radio I think was being super self censoring.

I kinda thought sticking in a bloke, would be a nice pace change punchline.

I need to join a hermetic order, of Jewish, skit writers. So like Bruce Lee I can learn the inner patience from which true satire comes.

IT IS SHIT AND U ALL KNOW WHAT WEBSITE IS BETTER THAT IS RIGHT CHORTLE http://forums.chortle.co.uk/

i think that sort of sketch works without building.

in the same way that the armstrong and miller sketch with the business people walking along a corridor doesn't build to a big punchline.

if you think about it you'd be surprised how many of the famous popular sketches don't have a big punchline.

I know famously Monty Python never used punchlines, but had fantastic structure, and linking.

I think to get away with no punchline or proper ending, you need to have proved yourself already as a writer. It's a luxury that only the best writers can afford.

And it depends on the show.

all true, esecially as these sketches often need to have a few in a series before they start to get funny.

Quote: sootyj @ May 1 2008, 10:00 AM BST

Just not as dirty, or you'll goto prison you naughty boy

View original

doesn't need that line, its obviously an extreme exaggeration for humour so blunts the exaggerated phone options that follow it.

You should go into the funny lines much subtler.