What would you do?

Treat this like an agony aunt thread. If you have a problem let the good people of BSG help solve it. Could be serious or not-so-serious so dress up as Katie Boyle and look compassionate.

My problem(s)

I hate my job. Unfortunately I am overpaid for what I do so matching my salary is virtually impossible in this neck of the woods. I can't afford to take a pay cut right now. I'm restricted where I work anyway because I can't drive for medical reasons and have to rely on public transport.

I want to move from the area as I'm sick of the place but my wife and kids don't want to. I am effectively supporting all five of us and we have constant money problems.

In the late 90s I ran four marathons in five years but now I'm over 15 stone and generally pissed off.

What would you do Auntie BSG? If nothing else, make me laugh.

Lock your kids in the basement and ...

Too soon Aaron....

But Tuumble - has your wife got a job? Could she maybe work to give you guys some income?

Quote: Tuumble @ April 28 2008, 2:03 PM BST

In the late 90s I ran four marathons in five years but now I'm over 15 stone and generally pissed off.

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Buy a Wii... do all the fitness tests on there... and you can play with the kids at the same time!

My wife and a job is a bit of a sore point. She does a lot of community work which is admirable but it doesn't pay. It somehow doesn't feel right asking someone to give up what she enjoys doing and is for the benefit of the community for the sake of a few quid.

Couple of years ago I did a 5.00am - 7.00am cleaning job six days a week to help us get by.

The job thing has caused arguments but I can't force her to get a job. It's things like child care but if she did a couple of evening shifts it would make a big difference.

Get back on the fitness trail for a start. It will make you feel better about yourself-always good.
You could sell the kids on e-bay but that might be an extreme. It doesn't sound like you'll be moving soon so you'll have to make the best of what you've got. Get the place sprused up or if it is already, spruse it in a different way. Anything to change the dynamic. Then write down all you and your Mrs want to acheive in the next few years and make plans (evil laugh and strokes pussy).
That was Your Problems Solved starring ME. That'll be £85.50 please.

Quote: Griff @ April 28 2008, 2:24 PM BST

More seriously, ?

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That's it. That's as serious as I get. What do you want? Blood?

If the few quid make a difference between struggling and getting by then it's really important.

It sounds as though you are being unfairly treated and the longer you have these worries and responsibilities then there is a chance you will start to feel resentment and the ill-effects of too much pressure.

It's important that if she does work is that she is fully supported too and I sense from your post that you would not shirk your home responsibilities.

(Four marathons in five years? - speed up!)

Good luck.

Cheers guys.

I'm registered on a lot of job boards and what is depressing is how little response to applications I'm getting. With 40 looming it aint gonna get any easier.

I've been in design and marketing for nearly 20 years so if I've not risen to manager level in that time (all my placements have been in small departments/companies) it would take a leap of faith to convince a new employer.

Having said this, if I'd little success I need to change my approach so I need to look at that too.

I've started running again but it's sporadic so far - so much going on. Must schedule it rather than fit it in.

One way or another it will sort itself out.

Quote: puffinpol @ April 28 2008, 2:30 PM BST

(Four marathons in five years? - speed up!)

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That made me laugh.

Yeah, you made good points.

We have to move from one rented property yo another next month so once that's sorted I think it's heart to heart time and a reality check with the wife. Let's not forget that at the moment I'll be funding her retirement.

My pension is pretty good but it will struggle for two people.

Quote: Griff @ April 28 2008, 2:28 PM BST

Sorry Roscoff I meant "more seriously" in reference to my previous post.

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Well that's ok then I'm watching you mind. You have a Welsh name and live in England. You'd better watch out for the Merthyr Snatch Squad. Comedy gold that line.

Tuumble, have you talked to your wife about it, particularly in regards to the economic situation? Bad time to be running out of cash in this country. Sounds like she needs to get some perspective though. Helping others is all well and good, but if things are that tight then you'll be on the receiving end before very long. If she can find just a couple of days a week, I'm sure the charity work wouldn't suffer, and could always be caught up on at the weekends if she's really edgey about it.

It really sounds, to me, like you're doing what you can, and that she's the weak link in the chain. puffinpol is totally correct in saying that resentment will start to build; a close family friend's marriage TOTALLY broke down in a similar-ish situation where one partner was left dependent on the other.

I agree with Aaron. Sit down and go over everything and explain you need help.

I'd feel really bad if my partner was the one making all the money, and I made none, just spent it. (Not that I'm suggesting she goes and blows it all on shoes and handbags, as I'm sure she doesn't. That's just me.)
Of course, everyone's different.
I'd say talk to her too. But you'll have to think of a way for it not to feel like your having a go at her, or it'll turn into an argument.

Mate

You gotta do what you gotta do.
The Wife & kids are but a small problem. Tell em you are moving and that is that. If they dont like it well, move your own arse.
Life is here for a blink of an eye. No re run. Thats it. Get happy.

It sounds a bit like you're making all the money, but not allowed to make any of the decisions.
Which is a trifle unfair!