British Comedy Guide

Spray Tan sketch

Comments welcome...

INT. SALON - DAY

MOVING IN A HURRY, A BUFF, WELL GROOMED MAN IN A TOWEL IS STOPPED SUDDENLY BY A LADY IN A WHITE UNIFORM.

LADY
Excuse me, sir, where are you're going?

MAN
Where do you think?

HE GESTURES TO HIS TOWEL.

LADY
I think you've made a mistake, this is…

MAN
…women only? I'm as entitled anyone to a spray tan at your establishment so please don't tell me otherwise - I'm a lawyer and I know what I'm talking about. Now if you'll kindly step aside, I have a six o' clock Tae Bo appointment you're holding me up for.

HE BARGES PAST AND INTO A BOOTH.

INT. BOOTH - CONTINUOUS

THE MAN RELAXES AS A ROW OF NOZZLES FILL THE BOOTH WITH SPRAY –

-- BUT HIS EXPRESSION TURNS TO CONFUSION AS IT BECOMES CLOUDED AS IF BY DRY ICE, THEN --

-- HE LOOKS AT HIS ARM AND SEES IT FREEZING UP.

HE SCREAMS.

INT. 'SALON' - DAY

LADY
No, I mean this is a cryogenics lab.

THE MAN'S PARALYSED FACE STARES OUT IN TERROR FROM A WINDOW IN THE CRYONIC TUBE.

Sorry...half way through reminded me of Ross in the tanning booth from Friends and i laughed at that instead :D

Made me chortle, but would it be easy to film? Even with a greenscreen?

Quote: M Lewis @ April 24 2008, 2:34 PM BST

Sorry...half way through reminded me of Ross in the tanning booth from Friends and i laughed at that instead :D

That was a funny bit. David Schwimmer is truly a gifted physical comedian.

Quote: Winterlight @ April 24 2008, 2:36 PM BST

Made me chortle, but would it be easy to film? Even with a greenscreen?

This one I didn't write with a mind to filming. I don't think it would be too hard to film anyway, but then I say that about everything.

Quote: David Bussell @ April 24 2008, 2:41 PM BST

That was a funny bit. David Schwimmer is truly a gifted physical comedian.

Ross - I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler - was that place...the sun?

back on track....why is a cryo chamber in a salon?

Quote: M Lewis @ April 24 2008, 2:44 PM BST

back on track....why is a cryo chamber in a salon?

It isn't. The Man's in a cryogenics lab. In a towel. Yes, it requires some suspension of disbelief.

ahhh...see you fooled me with "INT. SALON - DAY" ;)

Quote: M Lewis @ April 24 2008, 2:53 PM BST

ahhh...see you fooled me with "INT. SALON - DAY" ;)

You make a good point. I fear I'm going to hijack my own thread with this one, but here goes...

Putting SALON in inverted commas clues the reader into a deception right away, and yet writing it without is not only cheating, it's misleading too. So what's a good technique for disguising a location in this instance?

Quote: M Lewis @ April 24 2008, 2:53 PM BST

ahhh...see you fooled me with "INT. SALON - DAY" ;)

Now, now M Lewis. That's verging on sarcasm. Laughing out loud

Verging? I didnt try hard enough then ;)

Quote: David Bussell @ April 24 2008, 2:59 PM BST

So what's a good technique for disguising a location in this instance?

Have the guy come in to a nondescript building full of hot women in lab coats (could be posh salon could be foxy lab)?

I like this. Got a big laugh from me. Unexpected ending. Great stuff!

For what it's worth -- leave the SALON bit in there. You're trying to juxtapose so I think it's valid.

Dan

Quote: M Lewis @ April 24 2008, 3:04 PM BST

Have the guy come in to a nondescript building full of hot women in lab coats (could be posh salon could be foxy lab)?

Yes, but how to express that in practical terms? As in the slug?

Quote: swerytd @ April 24 2008, 3:20 PM BST

I like this. Got a big laugh from me. Unexpected ending. Great stuff!

For what it's worth -- leave the SALON bit in there. You're trying to juxtapose so I think it's valid.

Dan

Thanks, Dan. I wasn't at all sure about this one but your endorsement means a lot.

Brilliant!

He should shatter like the liquid metal Terminator in that film... What was is called, now?

Quote: Norton&Wright @ April 25 2008, 1:21 PM BST

Brilliant!

He should shatter like the liquid metal Terminator in that film... What was is called, now?

I think it was called... Robocop.

That was it - "Make my day punk". Classic!

Obviously the cryogenics chamber is in a beauty salon for freezing off warts. Big warts.

I saw it on Trisha.

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