What's the worst insult anyone's ever given you?

I have enjoyed with great interest the thread on the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you.

But what about the flipside? What's the biggest insult you've been handed? I was inspired by a conversation about myself I inadvertantly overheard today in which my looks were compared first to Adrian Chiles and then to Ardal O'Hanlon.

Can one imagine a Chiles/O'Hanlon hybrid? Such a creature should not be allowed to live.

However, the greatest insult lobbed at me came from a young lady for whom I had long carried a torch. I summoned up all my courage and tentatively asked her out.

"I would rather f**k a penguin," she told me.

I apologise for my intemperate language. I am merely reporting speech accurately.

Good news for Ian_W, though. She was a hottie.

I have also been compared to the great Adrian Chiles. We must be like two peas in a pod, me and you...

And, though no-one specifically has told me they'd 'rather f**k a penguin', I'm pretty sure that's *exactly* what they're thinking.

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ April 24 2008, 2:09 PM BST

I have also been compared to the great Adrian Chiles. We must be like two peas in a pod, me and you...

And, though no-one specifically has told me they'd 'rather f**k a penguin', I'm pretty sure that's *exactly* what they're thinking.

Dan

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I've been compared to Adrian Chiles too and so has my wife!*

*NOT true

I think the thread probably needs renaming...

Dan

The worst insult was given to me at a bus stop. I went to the front of the bus stop to read the timetable, when the bus came a few moments later. I went on, not realising I had accidentally jumped the que by doing so.

So, this elderly gentlemen stops me (quite rightly) and said to me, "Are you a German?" I said, "No", and he told me to go back to the end of the que, which I did.

I have to say that, "Are you a German?" is both the worst and the most racist insult I've ever been given. Imagine the embarrassment he would have to face if the push at the front of the que was really German.

I've often been compared to James Bond. That's James Bond the owner of the pig skinning factory up the road where I used to work as a lad for 5 bob a week and all the pork scratching you could eat. Them were the days.

I've been trying to think of the worst insult I've ever been given, and apart from Pizza Face by my lovely sister in our teenage years, I think Aaron's probably given me the worst.

Quote: Ian Wolf @ April 24 2008, 2:16 PM BST

The worst insult was given to me at a bus stop. I went to the front of the bus stop to read the timetable, when the bus came a few moments later. I went on, not realising I had accidentally jumped the que by doing so.

So, this elderly gentlemen stops me (quite rightly) and said to me, "Are you a German?" I said, "No", and he told me to go back to the end of the que, which I did.

I have to say that, "Are you a German?" is both the worst and the most racist insult I've ever been given. Imagine the embarrassment he would have to face if the push at the front of the que was really German.

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I was waiting at a bus stop last year and this guy in a delivery truck stopped and came over to speak to me. Rather than just ask for directions his first words to me were:

'Do you speak English?'

I was born less than 10 miles from that very spot! There's lot of immigrants in Peterborough but pleeaaaassse!!!!

Quote: Ian Wolf @ April 24 2008, 2:16 PM BST

Imagine the embarrassment he would have to face if the push at the front of the que was really German.

View original

He'd have probably just snarled and shouted about the war, not been embarrassed in the slightest!

queue*

Quote: EllieJP @ April 24 2008, 2:20 PM BST

I've been trying to think of the worst insult I've ever been given, and apart from Pizza Face by my lovely sister in our teenage years, I think Aaron's probably given me the worst.

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Oo, do tell?

I've got a friend who's a fairly lame solicitor, and a judge asked him during a case if he'd ever thought about trying another line of work.

Quote: EllieJP @ April 24 2008, 2:20 PM BST

I've been trying to think of the worst insult I've ever been given, and apart from Pizza Face by my lovely sister in our teenage years, I think Aaron's probably given me the worst.

View original

If it was a Hawaiian pizza, that counts as a compliment round these parts.

Two insults aimed at me whilst in college were 'saes' which means English because I don't speak Welsh and 'coc oen' which means lambs cock. Only one of those is true. I'll let you decide!!!!

Quote: roscoff @ April 24 2008, 2:29 PM BST

Two insults aimed at me whilst in college were 'saes' which means English because I don't speak Welsh and 'coc oen' which means lambs cock. Only one of those is true. I'll let you decide!!!!

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A colleague tells me that the Welsh for "double click" on a mouse is dwbleclickio. Is this true?

"A wankstain on the sheet of life"

and

"Chou Mamou" - not sure of the spelling but it's St Lucian creole, pronounced -chew - ma - mow. No translations please cos I already know what it means!

Me and my mates used to play this game, you had to insult the next person without using any abusive language (it was a drinking game, enough said), and this one really cut me down at the time:

"I heard your father wished that you were the milkman's son"