Better than all the Best.

My last sketch bombed. This may follow suit.

Her
Honey we made a baby. I am pregnant. (Ecstatic Face)

Him
Yeyyyyy! (Jumps up & down) Awwwww! Our baby will be the best.(Cheesy Grin)

Her
Yea! Not like those wrinkled rhino’s everyone else has. (Screws up her face) Our baby will be smooth. (Pulls her face back with her hands)(Ecstatic face)

Him
It wont be a squawker either. Our bubbey will be sleeping through the night from 3 seconds old. (Cheesy grin)

Her
Yea & potty trained from 6 weeks. It wont puke like the exorcist neither. (Ecstatic Face)

Him
Ewwwwww no way. Our baby will have manners. (Cheesy Grin)

Her
It will say its first word at birth. (Ecstatic Face)

Him
I bet! I can guarantee you it will be walking in the womb. (Cheesy Grin)

Her
Defo! We are gonna have the best buba ever.

The couple swap ecstatic faces & Cheesy Grins

Cut to
A distressed couple on a hospital ward.
The woman is in a blood soaked nightie & still has her baby attached by the umbilical chord. The baby is screaming. The couple hold the baby out in desperation, its chord trailing behind it.

Her
I am telling you Doctor there has been a swap. This is not my baby.

Nice punch.

nice end - but the dialogue leading up doesn't feel right. If these are the sort of "my kid will be the best" type parents would they really speak like this "It wont puke like the exorcist neither". That sounds like the dialogue of someone whose expectation is that the kid will be born with an ASBO attached.

I think this would work better as a cartoon strip.

It was dragging a bit but I did like the punchline.

yea try and 'condense' your lines charley, they're always too long but your ideas sketches are good.

This is a good example of how to say what you want in a shorter line....

'Are you not happy Jane? You seem very nervous and different since you got married'.

is cut to...

'I see you bite your nails of late Jane.'

The last sentence says it all.

I agree. Good idea. Just need to be a bit more brutal with your dialogue.