British Comedy Guide

Double Entendres

Twelve of the finest double-entendres that were
Aired on British TV & Radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford Crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Any more?

Fave of all time,

Women goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre

So the barman gave her one.

LOL Tuumble. Very, very funny some of those. Particularly like the snow and the sausage!

Quote: Tuumble @ April 21 2008, 1:23 PM BST

Any more?

Up the arse!!

I touched her arse!

BIG ARSE!

Have I misunderstood this?

Laughing out loud Very good Tummble!

I always liked this:

We welcome World Service listeners to the Oval, where the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.

Good work Tuumble.

I heard a different one to your weightlifting one - something along the lines of 'she's got a 200 kg snatch, and that's massive.'

Paul Sherwen's Tour De France commentary is always a good source. He's done the 'come inside' one a few times, but my fave is from about five years ago, when Tom Steels (green jersey) quit after injury. Sherwen actually said: "What a sad sight. Tom Steels, forced to pull himself off by the roadside."

The bowlers Holden, the Batsman's Willey.

I'm all for censorship. If I see a double entendre I whip it out.

Cricket's always good for this sort of thing. There's the famous one where Jonathan Agnew said "Botham couldn't quite get his leg over", which isn't the greatest double entendre in the world but the effect it had on Agnew and Brian Johnston in the commentary box was hysterical. http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/fungames/audio/legover.mp3

That's one of my favourites Badge. It looked like Botham had taken a bail off with his right testicle and the whole radio 3 team corpsed. Fantastic stuff. Thanks for the link.

A sub-editor of my acquaintance attempted to include the following accidental double entendres in his newspaper.

1. For a story in which a lady suffered a fit of the vapours after her bag was stolen:
Woman shaken by snatch

2. For a story in which a small-time drug dealer was arrested by a female officer:
WPC found ecstasy in man's trousers

LOL.

There was a short Everton striker called Mitch Ward a few years ago and there was some commentary that went.

...and there to head in the goal was Mitch Ward...and how many inches has he got?

Laughing out loud funny stuff

One for you Curt cos it was the 1976 Montreal Olympics.

Huge Cuban 400m runner with a 9ft stride was competing. Famous British commentator David Coleman said, ''and there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.''

Share this page