I can hardly believe I'm posting this, but what the hey. If one person finds this funny it will justify the thirty seconds I spent writing it.
INT. PUBLIC TOILET – DAY
A BALROG ENTERS AND UNZIPS AT A URINAL. HE STRAINS BUT NOTHING HAPPENS.
THE DOOR TO A CUBICLE BURTS OPEN. IT'S GANDALF! HE POUNDS HIS WIZARD'S STAFF ON THE FLOOR.
GANDALF
You shall not piss!
Well it made me chuckle, so I guess that means it was worth it.
yeah made me giggle to, i think it is because I can 'see' the performance having watched the dross that is LOTR.
Not bad, but could I PM you an alternate punch, or just post it straight up?
Yeah, I liked it... well played old bean 
Quote: sootyj @ April 17 2008, 10:40 PM BSTNot bad, but could I PM you an alternate punch, or just post it straight up?
Bung it up, my man.
Balrog on toilet, with a copy of the Sun obviously straining.
Gandalf sticks his head over cubicle
"You shall not pass!"
Balrog stuck in slow lane on m25, really crappy old Mini Clubman in next lane with indicators stopping him passing.
He looks into car see's pointy hat, and car sitcker saying,
"you will not pass,"
Quote: sootyj @ April 18 2008, 8:21 AM BSTBalrog on toilet, with a copy of the Sun obviously straining.
Gandalf sticks his head over cubicle
"You shall not pass!"
Balrog stuck in slow lane on m25, really crappy old Mini Clubman in next lane with indicators stopping him passing.
He looks into car see's pointy hat, and car sitcker saying,
"you will not pass,"
More great ideas for runners. I need an animator to help me out. This stuff's catnip for nerds.
I don't know what a Balrog is, but perhaps the Balrog is playing football. Someone shouts for him to pass. He goes to pass and...
A balrog is in an operating theatre. A surgeon urgently asks for 50mg of adrenaline. The Balrog goes to pass the adrenaline and then... Follow it with a 'flatline sound'.
Quote: Winterlight @ April 18 2008, 10:39 AM BSTI don't know what a Balrog is, but perhaps the Balrog is playing football. Someone shouts for him to pass. He goes to pass and...
A balrog is in an operating theatre. A surgeon urgently asks for 50mg of adrenaline. The Balrog goes to pass the adrenaline and then... Follow it with a 'flatline sound'.
Another one for the list. This baby just writes itself. Or rather, you lot do.
A balrog on Mastermind...
I'll get me coat.
I don't know much about LotR. But it raised the corners of my mouth into a shape that could be recognised as a smile.
"You shall not pass!" was a good suggestion too.
Bloke at bathroom mirror about to squeeze a zit, Gandalf appears 'you shall not puss'.
Gandalf stands in front of bus 'you shall not pass'. Bus driver shouts 'are you over 65 Gandalf, you get a bus pass.'
Sorry.
Apologies accepted. Thanks for all your contributions. Here's what made the running...
EXT. FOOTBALL MATCH – DAY
BALROG HAS THE BALL ('BALROG' IS WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF HIS STRIP).
TEAM MATE
Man on! Man on!
BALROG IS ABOUT TO MAKE THE PASS WHEN --
-- GANDALF APPEARS ON THE SIDELINE AND POUNDS HIS STAFF ON THE GROUND.
GANDALF
You shall not pass!
BALROG SCUFFS IT TO THE JEERS OF HIS TEAM.
EXT. M25 MOTORWAY – DAY
BALROG IS STUCK IN THE SLOW LANE BEHIND A CRAWLING MINI.
HE SEES A POINTY HAT INSIDE.
A BUMPER STICKER SAYS "YOU SHALL NOT PASS".
INT. TV STUDIO – DAY
MASTERMIND.
MAGNUS
What was Lady Chatterley's first name?
BALROG IS CLEARLY STUMPED. HIS MOUTH FORMS A 'P' BUT --
-- MAGNUS PEELS OFF A MASK REVEALING GANDALF UNDERNEATH.
GANDALF
You shall not pass!
INT. PUBLIC TOILET – DAY
BALROG IS SAT ON THE CRAPPER READING A COPY OF THE SUN. HE STRAINS, THEN --
-- GANDALF'S HEAD POPS OVER THE TOP OF THE CUBICLE.
GANDALF
You shall not pass!
SHOCKED, BALROG CLUTCHES AT HIS HEART.
INT. OPERATING THEATRE - DAY
BALROG IS ON THE OPERATING TABLE, FLATLINING.
SURGEON
Clear!
THE SURGEON SHOCKS HIM WITH THE DEFRIBULATOR.
NOTHING. THE SURGEON HANGS HIS HEAD.
SURGEON
Okay, record time of death at fifteen o' six.
THE SURGEON PULLS THE COVER OVER BALROG'S HORNED HEAD.
THE ROOM CLEARS. MELANCHOLY MUSIC.
GANDALF APPEARS IN A PUFF OF SMOKE.
GANDALF
You shall not pass!
BALROG RISES FROM THE OPERATING TABLE.
BALROG
Thank you! You're a good wizard!
THEY HUG IT OUT.
I got 2 for 2 huzzah! This must be what it's like to shag the one on Desperate Housewives whose had the most plastic surgery!