British Comedy Guide

A plea to dog lovers

I like dogs right, they're ace. That's a fact.

BUT, what is your insistence on getting a f**king raging boner over any dog that comes up to you?

At my work we had a dog or two on site for reasons I can't be arsed to explain, but every one just got so chuffed - it's like they've never seen one before.

It's mainly middle-aged women to be honest.

I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, I JUST remembered a specific incident that maddened me.

I hate dogs.

Whilst having a coffee in Islington Starbucks, waiting for a client, I glanced out of the window. I saw a gap toothed, slack jawed, Chav, who seemed to be missing a few chromosones. He had a chubby Jack Russel, he saw me and smiled at me, I looked away. I glanced back, and saw him holding his hound tenderly in his arms; and with his right hand wanking it off.

The dog didn't seem to mind, but I did.

Quote: Aaron @ April 17 2008, 11:04 PM BST

I hate dogs.

Oh . . . That British Dogs Guide website will never happen then . . .

Quote: sootyj @ April 17 2008, 11:05 PM BST

Whilst having a coffee in Islington Starbucks, waiting for a client, I glanced out of the window. I saw a gap toothed, slack jawed, Chav, who seemed to be missing a few chromosones. He had a chubby Jack Russel, he saw me and smiled at me, I looked away. I glanced back, and saw him holding his hound tenderly in his arms; and with his right hand wanking it off.

The dog didn't seem to mind, but I did.

Right . . .

What?! Seriously?

sootyj: How grim. Did you have extra milk/cream in your...whatever the f**k it is they serve?

Seefacts: Not built by me it won't.

My boss has a dog though. It's a sausage dog. He brings it in to the office a lot. It looks like it feels like a doormat.

Quote: Aaron @ April 17 2008, 11:08 PM BST

Seefacts: Not built by me it won't.

:D

You genuinely sound aggrieved and annoyed at the thought of having to make a website about dogs.

I <3 Dogs
But not a <3 on for dogs.

Quote: Griff @ April 17 2008, 11:09 PM BST

Apparently in the mucky world of dog racing it is occasional practice to wank off a greyhound before it runs in order to nobble the race. I can't remember if this was supposed to improve or impair its performance.

It normally makes me quite sleepy and in need a cup of tea, so it probably impedes.

Quote: Griff @ April 17 2008, 11:12 PM BST

What, being wanked off by a greyhound trainer?

Yes.

That's right.

Do you reckon he wipes his hand on the rabbit?

Mine was a true story.

Surely there are easier ways to nobble a greyhound. I mean don't trainers run some sort of anti wanker patrol?

n.b. sausage dogs were bred to pursue rats, and badgers down tunnels. They're basically sawn off Rotweillers, aggressive, aggrieved Rottweillers.

I know what you mean Seefacts, when I was in my last year of college on site with my secondary school.

A stray ran onto the field, quite literally every single man, woman and child ran onto the field to pet it! I believe one student got a suspension for refusing it leave it by itself...

Jesus christ!

Got me off 15 minutes of my law lesson though because all the teachers were sorting the dog situation...

Quote: Seefacts @ April 17 2008, 11:09 PM BST

:D

You genuinely sound aggrieved and annoyed at the thought of having to make a website about dogs.

Unless I was being paid by a client, yes.

Great Western has a wanker patrol, they wear peaked caps, and SS style great coats. They're alot like the SS, if the SS were a bunch of embittered fine doling out bumbags. Who shit it and hide in the guards van, at the first sign of a person with a burbery cap, dog of some description, and can of lager.

If Churchill had a division of dog owning chavs on the White CLiffs of Dover, then the SS would have stayed well away.

Quote: Aaron @ April 17 2008, 11:19 PM BST

Unless I was being paid by a client, yes.

Yes.

I'm slightly frightened now . . .

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