This was an idea I had that I offered Winterlight to write. He made a valiant start but never got around to finishing it off. Here's my attempt at seeing the job done.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
A MAN PICKS UP THE PHONE. HE GOES TO DIAL BUT HEARS VOICES.
MAN
Hello?
CUT TO:
SPLIT SCREEN: THREE BOXES - CONTINUOUS
IN ONE, GOD IS SAT IN A ROCKING CHAIR.
IN THE OTHER, THE DEVIL LOUNGES IN A BEANBAG.
THE LAST BOX CONTAINS THE MAN IN HIS HALLWAY.
ALL ARE ON THE PHONE.
GOD
I'm thinking, lots of fire and... can you get brimstone?
DEVIL
No problem, dude.
MAN
Hello?
GOD
Where do we start though?
MAN
I think we've got a crossed line.
DEVIL
Western civilisation?
GOD
It's a bit predictable. I'd hate to be called predictable.
DEVIL
Why don't you come over and we'll knock some ideas about?
GOD
Sure. But can you pick me up? My head gaskets gone.
MAN
Can you hear me?
HE MAN BANGS THE PHONE ON THE TABLE.
DEVIL
I can send Cerberus, the three headed hound, for you.
GOD
Great.
(PAUSE)
Wait, you're not going to try and kill me again are you?
DEVIL
No way, man, I'm being totally straight this time.
MAN
Can you please get off the line!
DEVIL
Did you hear something?
GOD
Sounded like… wait a sec…
HE GOES AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.
GOD
It's that Neville Peters!
DEVIL
In Penge?
GOD
Yeah!
MAN
What the…? How do you know my name?
DEVIL
Has he been listening the whole time?
GOD
I reckon! I am going to give him such a smiting!
MAN
I'm sorry! I didn't hear anything!
DEVIL
Busted! He's only gone and repented! Now you can't touch him!
GOD
Damn it!
(SIGHS)
Do the honours, would you?
DEVIL
Right you are.
NEVILLE EXPLODES IN A BALL OF FLAME.
