Writing Partner

A different sort of sketch for me, and one for a very prescribed audience. I'd be interested to know what people think...

INT. BAR – NIGHT

MATTHEW SITS IN A BOOTH, NERVOUSLY PULLING PETALS OFF A FLOWER. A PASSING MAN (SCOTT) CATCHES HIS EYE.

SCOTT
You must be Matthew.

MATTHEW
Scott?

THEY SHAKE HANDS. MATTHEW LOOKS ABOUT.

SCOTT
Something wrong?

MATTHEW
No.

SCOTT
Good.

SCOTT SITS DOWN.

SCOTT
So, did you get much written today?

MATTHEW
Do we have to go straight to that? Can't we just… talk?

SCOTT
But that's what we're here for, isn't it? Your ad said you were looking to collaborate.

MATTHEW
I know. It's just…

SCOTT
…you already have a writing partner don't you?

MATTHEW
(PAUSE)
Yes.

SCOTT
(LAUGHING)
I knew it!

MATTHEW
You've had this before?

SCOTT
Writers getting cold feet? It's nothing new.

MATTHEW
I feel so stupid.

SCOTT
Don't. Just have a drink and let's enjoy a nice conversation.

MATTHEW
I don't know. If my partner found out…

SCOTT
…that you talked with another writer? Look, this doesn't have to turn into anything.

MATTHEW
Okay then. Just a drink.

SCOTT HAILS A WAITER.

INT. STUDY – LATER

MATTHEW AND SCOTT ARE VERY MUCH WORSE FOR WEAR. MATTHEW RUNS HIS FINGER OVER A ROW OF SCRIPTS ON A BOOKSHELF.

MATTHEW
These are all yours?

SCOTT
I'm ashamed to say.

MATTHEW
You've written such a lot.

SCOTT
Well, I've been at it for years.

MATTHEW
I could learn a lot from you.

SCOTT SMILES LASCIVIOUSLY.

MATTHEW
What are you doing?

SCOTT
Just turning on the computer.

MATTHEW
That's not a good idea.

SCOTT
Come on, don't be shy!

MATTHEW
It's not that I don't want to…

SCOTT
…just a couple of scenes!

MATTHEW
Alright.
(PAUSE)
Can I get a drink first?

SCOTT GRINS.

MONTAGE BEGINS

MATTHEW IS WAY BEYOND TIPSY NOW. HE RATTLES AWAY AT THE KEYBOARD, GIGGLING GIRLISHLY.

SCOTT
Yes, yes, that's it!

MATTHEW PAUSES FOR THOUGHT. SCOTT ADDS A FULL STOP TO THE END OF MATTHEW'S SENTENCE AND GRAZES HIS HAND. THEIR EYES LOCK.

CUT TO:

MATTHEW IS BENT OVER THE KEYBOARD TYPING LIKE A MANIAC. SCOTT WHIPS HIS BEHIND PLAYFULLY WITH A ROLLED UP SCRIPT.

SCOTT
You call that an inciting incident, you naughty thing?

CUT TO:

MATTHEW DRAINS THE LAST OF A BOTTLE OF RED.

MATTHEW
(SLURRING)
Honestly, I don't even like Kaufman.

SCOTT
You're drunk!

MONTAGE ENDS

INT. STUDY – DAY

THE MORNING AFTER. MATTHEW PEELS HIS FACE FROM THE KEYBOARD. NEXT TO HIM, STILL ASLEEP, SCOTT SNORES BLISSFULLY. MATTHEW ATTEMPTS TO EXTRACT HIMSELF.

SCOTT
Where are you going?

MATTHEW
I have to get home.

SCOTT
It's early. Let's go get some breakfast and we can talk about the script.

HE SHOWS HIM LAST NIGHT'S PAGES.

MATTHEW
We don't need to.

SCOTT
What do you mean?

MATTHEW
I mean you can have it.

SCOTT
But… you want credit, don't you? This belongs to both of us!

MATTHEW
No, it doesn't! I told you last night, I have a partner! This never happened, okay?

SCOTT SAYS NOTHING.

MATTHEW
Okay?

SCOTT
(CRACKING)
Okay.

MATTHEW PULLS ON HIS JACKET, PAUSES A MOMENT, THEN LEAVES.

SCOTT CRADLES THE SCRIPT IN HIS ARMS, SOBBING BITTERLY.

It was well written and a good idea. It's a keeper and will look good on a sketch show.

Btw, is this you and Winterlight?

Quote: Leevil @ April 15 2008, 5:47 PM BST

Btw, is this you and Winterlight?

View original

If it was me he would have written about my 'pink nipples'.

Quote: David Bussell @ April 15 2008, 5:43 PM BST

A different sort of sketch for me, and one for a very prescribed audience.

View original

I thought it was a very David Bussell sketch as it was.

I liked the sketch. It was a good idea and well written. Could have done with a few more laughs considering it's length though.

Very good however it was spoilt for me by the sexual element towards the end. If that was removed then imo it would be better.

Quote: Leevil @ April 15 2008, 5:47 PM BST

It was well written and a good idea. It's a keeper and will look good on a sketch show.

Btw, is this you and Winterlight?

View original

Glad you think so, Lee, thanks.

This one's all mine.

Quote: Winterlight @ April 15 2008, 6:26 PM BST

I thought it was a very David Bussell sketch as it was.

I liked the sketch. It was a good idea and well written. Could have done with a few more laughs considering it's length though.

View original

Writing Bussell sketches is a curse it seems I cannot shrug off.

Glad you liked it. I think for it to work it needs to be played absolutely straight. For that reason I tried to avoid dialogue that stepped outside of a 'date' conversation. The humour for me is using that construct and transposing it to a dialogue between two writers. It's a trick they used to use on Friends a fair bit, though I struggle to think of a particular example right now.

Quote: garyd @ April 15 2008, 8:22 PM BST

Very good however it was spoilt for me by the sexual element towards the end. If that was removed then imo it would be better.

View original

On second reading I see you are exactly right. Amended.

Quote: David Bussell @ April 15 2008, 8:33 PM BST

I think for it to work it needs to be played absolutely straight. For that reason I tried to avoid dialogue that stepped outside of a 'date' conversation. The humour for me is using that construct and transposing it to a dialogue between two writers.

View original

Now I read it through a second time I can see what you're doing and it works.

I'm ill at the moment, so please excuse any clouded judgement I may dispense.

Another good one, though it is the kind of thing thats been done before in other things. You mentioned Friends and I do remember that Joey and Chandler did something along these lines at least once. 'was he a better roommate than me?' or something; a good piece in itself though.

I amend my previous comment to now just:

Very good.

Like it! Fully get the idea as I often wonder what would happen if Aid or I met 'someone else'.

Quote: Winterlight @ April 15 2008, 8:45 PM BST

Now I read it through a second time I can see what you're doing and it works.

I'm ill at the moment, so please excuse any clouded judgement I may dispense.

View original

What's wrong with you? Not the gout again?

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 15 2008, 8:48 PM BST

Another good one, though it is the kind of thing thats been done before in other things. You mentioned Friends and I do remember that Joey and Chandler did something along these lines at least once. 'was he a better roommate than me?' or something; a good piece in itself though.

View original

It's not a brand new convention of course but I haven't seen it used this way before. It's really something that spun out of a meeting I had with a another writer not so long ago. We were looking at maybe collaborating but just didn't gel. At the end of the 'date' he asked for my number and I made up a story that I already had a writing partner and I was sorry to have wasted his time.

Quote: garyd @ April 15 2008, 8:58 PM BST

I amend my previous comment to now just:

Very good.

Like it! Fully get the idea as I often wonder what would happen if Aid or I met 'someone else'.

View original

Cheers. Stay faithful, my man.

It's pretty much an IN-thing though is it not?

Would the general public understand it at all?

It's based on a previous experience, but it's not an exclusive experience. I think people would get that it was a piece of juxtaposition.

Quote: billwill @ April 16 2008, 1:36 PM BST

It's pretty much an IN-thing though is it not?

Would the general public understand it at all?

View original

Honestly, I'm not all that bothered. It wouldn't cost a packet to make and even if only writers get it, that's fine by me. There's always an application for this sort of thing, even if it ends up doing the rounds as a warm up video before writer's conventions.