POLICE MAN TO LOUT ON THE BEACH
POLICE
Oi what are you doing on the beach at 1am, go home before I book you.
LOUT
Leave out I heard there was a woman giving head on the beach.
POLICE
You dingbat a woman's head was found on the beach.
LOUT
Any other interesting bits left.
POLICE
You'll find my boot up your arse if you don't clear off.
Hmmm. A bit lumpen and rather vulgar. Not up to you usual standard I thought.
Funnily enough, I wrote my first ever topical gag the other day and this is the same headline I went with.
I have a standard I am delighted to hear that!
Thanks David, to be honest I like to mess around with different styles. Including the deliberately vulgar, may rethink this one.
Actually there's 2 truly nasty punchlines I might send to Treason just to nark them off
1 Police believe the head suffocated
2 Brain completley dead, Jade Goody still demands transplant.
Think the sketch could be a lot stronger (the 'head'/'give head' mix-up isn't transferable enough).
However, do the Jade Goody thing as that has great potential.
Dan
For my HEADline I simply went with:
"Woman's head found on beach. More to follow."
Police believe the motive is robbery as her necklace is missing.
A head and pair of hands have been found on a beach, so far police can't connect it to any body...sorry 
Quote: Griff @ April 3 2008, 10:33 AM BSTAs soon as I saw this story I thought of something along the lines of "Severed head found on beach in plastic bag, local residents say it is disgraceful that plastic bags are still being thoughtlessly discarded".
I thought exactly the same. Wrote this:
POLICE THIS WEEK WERE SHOCKED BY THE DISCOVERY OF A WOMAN’S HEAD IN A PLASTIC BAG ON A BEACH. A SPOKESMAN SAID, “WE’RE LAUNCHING A MASSIVE MAN-HUNT. SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE MUST KNOW THE PERSON WHO DISPOSED OF THAT PLASTIC BAG.”
The police are willing to pay an arm and a leg as reward for information.
It has potential sooty. But it might be a bit like my maddie April Fools in that it's quite a sensitive topic to try to get performed.
You may be right.
I reckon until they find our she, was some saintly nun. the great British public will assume she was an Albanina Hooker who got her jsut deserts.
n.b. David B and Fran those are crackers.
Quote: sootyj @ April 3 2008, 4:02 PM BSTthe great British public will assume she was an Albanina Hooker who got her jsut deserts.
Oh for f**ks sake!
sootyj, surely you realise by now you haven't got a clue what the 'great British public' thinks!
It's bordering on tasteles but a lot of comedy does.
However, the big difference between most comedy and this is that this IS NOT 'funny'.
I cannot believe anybody could read this and laugh.
IMHO.
Quote: garyd @ April 3 2008, 4:15 PM BSTI cannot believe anybody could read this and laugh.
Yeah, opinion's a bitch.
Garyd, I may have been flippant I wasn't joking.
Check out the cheerfully ghoulish headlines on the Sun. Or check out poor Stephen Wrights victims, and the way the news practically orgasmed the word prostitute.
To be honest that wasn't a skit, but you may have inspired me to write one on jsut that subject.
And 10,000,000 people read the Sun every day, for their salacious mix of 18 year olds with their tits, next to paedo computer owner caged.
I think I maybe on the Great British Publics wave, even if I don't like what I always hear.