My wife left me this morning, a cracking joke. Cleared all her stuff out and told me she's off with my Dad. Neither of them are picking up their phones the rascals. I guess they didn't realise they have to come clean after midday. Still haven't heard anything.... classic! 
Ha!!
I died today I did. I am typing from hell. It is hot here but by God (Ooooh God is a dirty word here) By Devil the men are gorg. Sadly though, my punishment is to spend an eternity with my legs forced shut. I said to that Devil, "Devil open my f**king legs right now arsehoooooole".
He said No!
I said "Please arsehoooooooooooooooole", he said "NO"!
I am currently using my master plan of sand-papering them apart. It hurts but not as much as an eternity without an O will.
How did you die? The most gorgeous man ever, getting married?
Quote: Aaron @ April 1 2008, 7:25 PM BSTHow did you die? The most gorgeous man ever, getting married?
I went over a hump. Well an old lady with a hunchback. Her walking stick came through my windscreen & lodged itself up my left nostril. Thus entering my brain & killing dead my only working cell.
The last thing i remember from my time on earth, was a paramedic giving me mouth to mouth. I enjoyed it sooooooooo, that I held my breath for a bit too long. I just didneee want the guy to stop!
Surely you wanted something else in your mouth?
Quote: Aaron @ April 1 2008, 7:30 PM BSTSurely you wanted something else in your mouth?
That gear stick got the clean of its life I tell yer. I was confused due to my one brain cell's death. Tasted pretty much the same. Like shit.
Quote: Charley @ April 1 2008, 7:31 PM BSTTasted pretty much the same. Like shit.
So you do get anal then?
Yes on occasions. I dont know why women crib about a bit of A. Sure it can be uncomfortable, dirty & a little off the wall, but then so is a 69. The further away my face is to an anus the better.
Quote: ContainsNuts @ April 1 2008, 6:57 PM BSTMy wife left me this morning, a cracking joke. Cleared all her stuff out and told me she's off with my Dad. Neither of them are picking up their phones the rascals. I guess they didn't realise they have to come clean after midday. Still haven't heard anything.... classic!
There was a message in the London Lite's Get it Off Your TXT column a couple of weeks ago - I don't remember the exact wording, but basically:
"Think I'm falling in love with my father-in-law. Should I tell him? Should I tell my wife?"
Quote: Aaron @ April 1 2008, 7:25 PM BSTHow did you die? The most gorgeous man ever, getting married?
Quote: Charley @ April 1 2008, 7:36 PM BSTYes on occasions. I dont know why women crib about a bit of A. Sure it can be uncomfortable, dirty & a little off the wall, but then so is a 69. The further away my face is to an anus the better.
Oh lordy. Has it ever occurred to you that you're sleeping with the wrong men?
I saw this today on Facebook. It looks like it's going to be a real hoot but be warned that it's anything but. http://bad-idea-prank.info/