Here's the intro to a sit-com I've just started. Is it any good? It's longer than normal so if you're reluctant to commit to that much reading time that's fair enoughski.
Fitler and Fitler Funeral Emporium
[We’ll Bury Anything]
Scene 1
[An otter is driving a speed boat. Behind is a penguin on water ski’s]
Fitler: Colin! Colin!
[Cut to a young man standing by a coffin. He is thin and spotty. Late teens. He’s daydreaming Enter Fitler. He’s very short and old]
Fitler: Oi! You’re not dreaming about otters and penguins again are you?
[He points to a sign. It says
No Animal Related Dreams
Allowed On Premises.
By order of
Fitler and Fitler.]
Colin: No sir. Steam engines and [beat] ice-cream cones.
Fitler: Hmmm. Likely story. Now finish that polishing. Its owner is coming in to see the finished article today.
Colin: Yes sir.
[He continues polishing. Fitler is watching him by looking up and down the coffin as he works his nose an inch away from the surface]
Fitler: You missed a bit you missed a bit you missed a bit….
[Enter Edna. She is a beautiful twenty something]
Edna: Mr Fitler. There’s a phone call for you.
Fitler: A phone.
Edna: You put it to your ear and speak.
[She makes a phone shape with her hand to her ear]
Fitler: Oh…..yes…..right.
[He exits]
Edna: There is no phone call but it’ll give you some time away from his leery gaze.
Colin: Thanks Edna.
Edna:
[Standing very close to Colin]
So, how are you enjoying your work experience at Fitler and Fitler’s then?
Colin: It’s ok.
Edna: Perhaps not what a bright young thing like you is really looking for though.
Colin: It’ll do.
Edna: Come on Colin, you must want to do more than just polish coffins.
Colin: Well…..I’d really like to be a filing clerk I suppose.
[Edna takes a sharp intake off breath. She is obviously turned on by what Colin said]
Edna: Say it again.
Colin: What? Filing clerk.
Edna: Oh God! Again!
Colin: Filing clerk.
Edna: You swine!
[She holds on to Colin by his shoulder and she staggers a little]
Again but in a really deep voice.
Colin: What?
Edna: Deep voice. Slowly. DO IT NOW!
Colin: [Deep voice slowly.] Filing clerk
Edna: Oh goodness! I’ve just got to pop to the toilet a second.
[She exits running. Cut to front of emporium. Fitler is shouting down the phone. It’s upside down.]
Fitler: HELLO! HELLO! [he shakes it]
[A middle aged woman enters the shop. He puts phone down]
Marjory: Hello, I’m looking for Mr. Fitler.
Fitler: I’m Mr. Fitler.
Marjory: I must speak with Mr. Fitler on some urgency. I don’t believe in dilly-dallying with these underling types you know.
Fitler: I am Fitler!
Marjory: Because what happens is when you deal with the second or even third in command…..
[While she prattles on Fitler can be seen writing on something behind desk]
Fitler: [Under breath] Note to self. Kill her.
[He stands on a chair and holds up a large piece of card that reads I AM MR. FITLER in one hand and the other holds a loud hailer. He speaks through loud hailer]
Fitler: I AM MR FITLER!
