British Comedy Guide

Impulse Buy

IMPULSE BUY

Scene inside a shop. A woman goes up to the counter with a few groceries.

Shopkeeper : Thank you madam. That will be twelve pounds 60 please.

Customer : There you go.

She looks towards the rack of cigarettes clearly on show behind the counter.

Customer : What are those?

Shopkeeper : These? (he points to the cigarettes)

Customer : Yes.

Shopkeeper : They're cigarettes.

Customer : They look interesting. What do you do with them.

Shopkeeper : You put them in your mouth, light them and inhale.

Customer : Sounds interesting. Give me one.

Shopkeeper : They're in packs of 10 or 20.

Customer : Really? Go on then. I'll have a packet of those pretty green ones.

Shopkeeper : Menthol?

Customer (laughs) : Well I'm a little bit scatty.

Shopkeeper : No - the green ones are menthol flavoured.

Customer : Do you have any chocolate flavoured ones?

Shopkeeper : I guess you've never smoked before.

Customer : How can you tell?

Shopkeeper : Just a hunch. So why do you want to start now?

Customer : Just an impulse really. I mean I saw all those little packets, all different pretty colours and I thought it would make a change.

Shopkeeper (Handing the packet over) : That will be four pounds 80 please.

Customer : (Reads the packet) Smoking Kills? That's not a very good advert is it.

Shopkeeper : They have to put that on there by law.

Customer : Oh well - you only live once. Live dangerously - that's what I say.

Customer leaves the shop.

Comes back a minute later, packet open with a cigarette in her mouth.

Customer : Um - excuse me. What do I do now?

Shopkeeper : Here, (he leans over and lights the cigarette)

Customer (starts coughing) : Wow - this is fun.

Shopkeeper : Lucky I had them on show wasn't it. Next week they're bringing in a law saying cigarettes must be kept below the counter.

Customer : Lucky me eh? What good timing.

)

It's a great skit, with a poor ending. A gouverenment adviser coming on at the end with a stern warning for viewers would be ace.

Agree the ending is fairly weak at present. You could possibly throw in some stuff about her smoking indoors illegally - maybe the govt inspectors could pounce then, with a further pay-off about the future hidden cigs rule to round it off.

Thanks Sooty.

My endings are always crap.

I'd sent this to Newsrevue but not holding my breath.

I like the ending - it makes perfect sense given the rest of the sketch.

Quote: David Chapman @ March 27, 2008, 11:40 PM

Shopkeeper : Lucky I had them on show wasn't it. Next week they're bringing in a law saying cigarettes must be kept below the counter.

Customer : Lucky me eh? What good timing to take up smoking.

)

Right - cocked up there but I think it's back the way it was. Laughing out loud

So is that a slightly better ending?

(he says in an unashamed way of bumping his sketch)

I thought that most of it was good as well. Perhaps after the woman's last line about taking up smoking she could do some smoke rings.

I liked that David nice piss-take of the granny state. To me the ending is fine as, speaking for myself, I like a nice bit of understated dead-pan irony.

Nice one

Well Newsrevue didn't like it but let's see what Tilt think of it.

Good one Dave. Agree the ending could be re worked.

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