F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni to APlate and Gappy for wanking it. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst..
2 - APlate, Gappy
1 - Otterfox
Next topic: Religion (chosen by APlate)
Leg closed: 20.11.24
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 4 APlate
2 2 Gappy, Otterfox
3 1 me
OLD SPICE
CHURCH.
VICAR and CONGREGATION:
VICAR Dearly beloved, and you, we are gathered here today to pay plumage to England's greatest music: the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Spice Ladies... That was a joke. Pink Floyd bore the crap outa me. So, like Father Jenkins during Tellie Tubbies, all rise and let us spray:
Ah, Ginger,
Whose arse is Heaven,
Wallow in thy fame.
'Wannabe''s fun,
'Mama' was dung,
But worth a wank or seven.
Give us 'Stop', 'Say You Will Be There'
And then give us 'Spice Up Your Life',
And we'll forgive you that 'Headlines', what a mess.
Then 'Two Become One' had us ravin',
But that 'Headlines' was evil.
While thine are the Scary,
The Ginger and the Sporty,
So Viva Forever,
Women.
A CHRISTIAN RUN CAMP IN THE GRAMPIANS FOR YOUNG DISADVANTAGED BOYS
GROUP LEADER VICAR After you've scaled that mountain you can then go into that farmer's field and dig up a hundred potatoes for this evening's camp dinner, then start peeling them, and when you've completed all those tasks come into my tent for your reward.
10 YEAR OLD Okay, Vicar.
LATER THAT EVENING, STUMBLES INTO VICAR'S TENT, EXHAUSTED
(exhausted) Okay I've completed all my tasks. Can I have my reward now?
VICAR Yes yes of course, well done boy. Okay drop your your shorts and bend over. Good.
FX Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack etc...
SAME THING IS REPEATED EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK WITH A DIFFERENT BOY
A WEEK LATER, CANTERBURY CATHEDRAL
ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY Weeble, it's reported you perved, abused and thrashed every boy at the camp last week and left them traumatised for life and in fear of the church. Can you on solemn oath to God deny that any of this is true?
VICAR No your holiness, it is all true.
ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY Hmm, okay Weeble, then I have no alternative but to promote you to the exalted position of the Bishop of Winchester, where no one will question a moment of your past. I'll have you consecrated there nest week.
VICAR Oh thank you, your most gracious holiness. I look forward to meeting the choirboys.
JOSH: Hey, Matt, what are you giving up for Lent?
MATT: Your mum.
JOSH: What?
MATT: Yep, giving the nightly mum pumping a break. No more of that sweet maternal action. To be honest with you, I need a rest, she's a beast.
JOSH: Are you looking for a broken face, chum?
MATT: No, no, Josh, chill out, don't hit me. I'm not really giving up your mum - but I am giving up being polite.
JOSH: You're giving up being polite for Lent?
MATT: Yep. 40 days of saying badarse shit to people. And their mums.
JOSH: That's not very Christian, Matt. Lent is supposed to make you more Christian.
MATT: Oh, right. So what are you giving up?
JOSH: Being a Jew.
MATT: Oh, that's clever.