British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke... Page 7

Quote: a plate @ 10th January 2024, 2:29 AM

"Pumper", you say?! Is that a new joke

No, he's re-cycling old ones.

Yes, that rings a bell.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

What did Cinderella say when she arrived at the ball?

Nothing.....but she did gag.

A man walks into a Fish & Chip shop with a giant cod under his arm and asks
"Have you got any fishcakes?"
He gets told that they don't sell them
As he walks out he says
"That's a pity, it's his birthday tomorrow"

I was cooking a casserole tonight and realised I hadn't got any herbs to flavour it. So I went round to my next door neighbour to see if she had any she could let me have.

Now I'm living on borrowed thyme.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 11th January 2024, 8:49 AM

No, he's re-cycling old ones.

Some wheelie bad jokes being pedalled on there lately

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 24th February 2024, 9:22 PM

I was cooking a casserole tonight and realised I hadn't got any herbs to flavour it. So I went round to my next door neighbour to see if she had any she could let me have.

Now I'm living on borrowed thyme.

That is funny (to me).

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 22nd January 2024, 12:20 AM

A man walks into a Fish & Chip shop with a giant cod under his arm and asks
"Have you got any fishcakes?"
He gets told that they don't sell them
As he walks out he says
"That's a pity, it's his birthday tomorrow"

*edited* I had to read it twice, but it is funny and original, not sure the rhythm is right (for me) but I'm rubbish at reading. "He gets told that they don't sell them as he walks out he says" is too verbose and needs tighting up. I missed "it's HIS birthday"

Funny but not original
I've got one here that's the exact opposite

My wife left me yesterday
And I also lost my job as a backing singer ( To add to my Woe woe woahs )

I'm the same, my horse ran away. He knew I was sad but ignored my woes.

Don't buy a Kia car. The one I test-drove was all over the road, nobody knew where it was going and it kept turning right around.
It was the Kia Starmer model.

I was sent an email on how to read MAPS backwards.

But it went straight into my SPAM folder.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 8th September 2024, 9:59 AM

I was sent an email on how to read MAPS backwards.

But it went straight into my SPAM folder.

I think I heard this about 50 years ago.

Quote: Chappers @ 9th September 2024, 4:11 PM

I think I heard this about 50 years ago.

The original sketch is only a tad older than that, and we didn't have computers then - not unless you are from a different planet, and let's face it, I've had my suspicions about you for some time.

Dave Chappers - yeah, I think not. More like Xyhx Pizxych from the planet Zob

My Dog has a problem with his eye!
Cornea?
Ok! My Dogs got no nose

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