Okay, so the entire script for a first episode is finished, but I've been quite isolated recently and haven't really known where to send it to, or who to tailor it to. It's a first episode about a show in which a family of average joes are accidentally fired into space by a gormless president figure(based on...well duh) who wants to do everything in a tenth of the time and for a tenth of the cost. And this episode would be the setup. The following is the introductory scene, all the dialogue coming from the president character, president Purdy:
(We fade into a figure on a stage, pacing slowly, as a sea of white faces look on in a stadium. This is
Rob Purdy, the POTUS. We are watching him from a rear perspective where his face isn't quite visible.
The gestures he makes later on, like when he pushes imaginary glasses up the bridge of his nose, can
be inferred from the movement of his arms, the way his body changes and the way his voice changes.
I'd like to keep him relatively enigmatic. We hear him, but mostly we see the adoring faces in the
crowd looking up at him in joy. There is a lone, bored-looking 'Blacks for Purdy' face in the crowd,
surrounded by white faces.)
....Anyway that's why I posted those photos of his wife looking like a pig - people say you can't say
that these days but I don't understand it; she really does look like a pig, look at a picture of a pig and
her and they really are the same thing - who's going to deny that? It's genetics.
(he makes a bewildered face and holds his palms upwards in innocence.)
And that's why I posted those pictures of his wife, because, my boy told me - and the kid's just six
remember, so he's wise beyond his years...so he came up to me, and said 'daddy why are you sad?',
and I said, 'these two people have been saying unkind things about daddy', and I showed him a
picture of this guy and his wife, the same photos I posted. And he looked up at me with those big
eyes and said ' wow daddy she looks like a pig', and I thought, 'you know what? Damn it, he's right.'
My boy, you gotta love kids. I've had kids before, but I really like this one. He reminds me of me, only
younger, not as talented and with smaller feet.
(he pauses)
But anyway - it's not just this guy and his wife. They all have something to say, about me, everyone
has something to say about this presidency, they all want to criticise me, and lay into the amazing
work we've done...and the latest thing is some nonsense about unemployment being something
something higher than something ever something blah blah blah
(he mimes a moron's droopy face for the preceding)
...that's how they talk all these people, with their glasses, you remember these types from school
right?
(pushes imaginary glasses to his nose and does stereotypical 'nerd'; voice)
...'oh unemployment is higher than it's been in US history, a third of the country is unemployed, you
shouldn't have invested so heavily in steam' and on and on. But that's why they got voted out by you
beautiful people, you beautiful, clever - and I mean that - people. All they do is complain. They
complain about infrastructure. Infrastructure! What even is that?
(crowd laughs)
'Oh sir, sir, I want to tell the class about infrastructure!'.
(more laughter)
They're not living in the real world. And they complain about threats from abroad. These new AI
machines that China and Russia are building. Or they complain about inequality. Or they start up
about unemployment again. They say it's risen by 300% since president Buckley left office. Well I
wonder why? I wonder why? I think you guys can work that one out, it's not a coincidence. The last
administation leave...and suddenly unemployment rises? And it's somehow my fault? Work that one
out if you can! They think you're dumb enough to believe that. They think you're stupid.
(boos)
Yup, it's true. I heard them say it. There was a group of them at Washington one day, all guys from
the last administration, and they were all sat at the bar in the Capitol Building, and they were all
talking about you people. I heard them. I won't tell you what they said, it was too offensive, but they
said you're all dumb hicks who have sex with their cousins. That's what they think of you.
(boos)
I know, I know. But these guys talk, that's all they do since they got voted out. And sadly a lot of
people listen. And a lot of people have been convinced that this country is in trouble. And you know
the last lot aren't going to do anything. As far as they're concerned they were been voted out so
now it was up to someone else to lead the country.
(boos)
Yup. That's a direct quote too. I asked them and they said 'you're the government now, it's up to
you'. Can you believe that? A guy from the previous government said that, didn't look embarrassed,
no shame. But you know what these people are like. They're cold people, not like us. They're cold,
awful people. You remember the type from school. They'll all be at home now (pushes imaginary
glasses up his head) reading maths papers and doing jigsaw puzzles and playing with the toy, the toy
cube where you have to you rearrange the coloured stickers to make them match... Or they'll be
doing exams with their kids, for fun. So you know they don't care about any of these problems.
(boos as he paces slowly for a few seconds)
So I went and thought about all this for a few days, and spoke with my best people, and said 'isn't
there something we can do to clear up the mess that the previous administration left us with? And
they said to me - these are the best people in their fields remember - they said 'no president Purdy,
there is nothing you can do. You're blameless.'
(Goddamn right!)
...And I tell you, that was when I got angry - I said 'HEY! This country didn't vote me in to be
blameless, even if you say I am, 100%'. So I told them 'no'. 'No more'; that one. Simple. Word: 'no more'. I
said it so quietly people didn't hear me the first time. But then I kept saying it, again and again, until
I was shouting it, screaming it, but in a calm way. And everyone in the room had gone silent. And I
just said 'no more' one more time, really quietly again. Whispered it almost. My wife said it gave her
chills, reminded her of Al Pacino. So, no more unemployment. No more poverty. No more crime. No
more illnesses. No. More.
(cheers)
So I had this important policy idea in my head - this 'no more' policy. And I knew it was going to
shake this country up. And I knew the things that I wanted no more of. And I knew that the previous
government weren't going to do anything. It's been three years - three years since President
Buckley left office... 'President Buckley'...I call him Stupid Buckley, because he's so stupid; was so
stupid, god rest his soul. I met his wife at the funeral, she's a nice woman, not a fan of mine though.
They say he was the best president we ever had too. Can you believe this? After all the problems he
left us with?
(boos - a lone voice shouts 'shoot them all!' and there are indulgent chuckles)
This guy! My biggest fan, he's at all my rallies. He's got a point, he's got a point. I know, I know, they
tell me 'oh he shouldn't say that', or 'oh, that shouldn't have been on your election poster' but...(he
sucks in his cheeks and raises his eyebrows in a 'well, whadda ya gonna do?' way)...He's got a point.
(he paces a little, considering his words)
Anyway, Buckley, Stupid Buckley as I call him, and his government - the Stupid Government of
Morons I call them - left us with all these problems. And I looked into it pretty closely and after three
years in the job you learn a few things. You learn about your own power. I have tremendous power,
as president. But with great power...comes great benefits, benefits that mean I can do whatever I
want. It means I can greenlight certain projects that I believe will turn this country around. It means I
can say 'no more' to all those problems that Buckley - Stupid Buckley as I call him - left us with. No
more inflation, no more border security problems, no more gas price hikes.
So I looked at all these problems - Stupid Buckley Problems I call them. Inflation, unemployment, all
that stuff. I asked myself what can I do that will solve all of these problems, at the same time, really
quickly, forever? How can I make them...No More?
(he pauses)
...And right there and then it came to me, as I was looking at some photos I'd sent my assistant the
previous evening - let's build a rocket! A long, thick, girthy rocket, proud and tall against the sky. A
Purdy Rocket Ship. And let's send that damn thing up into space.
(there is applause)
Sounds good right? But that's not all! You all know that my family builds the greatest themeparks in
the world - the best. The most spectacular rides and events and machines. It's how I made my
money; bringing joy and excitement to the faces of children and adults with spectacular rides, that
and waste management. And I'm proud to announce that we're building a ride at the NASA base
right here in Florida, on the launch site, alongside the rocket itself. It'll be a ride that'll allow you to
feel the thrill of being a real astronaut, the thrill of blasting off into space. A ride that'll look and feel
just like the real thing. A ride that will stand as a testament to the greatness of the Purdy name, the
Purdy family, the Purdy history, and Purdy's America.
(there is cheering. It eventually dies down)
Thankyou, you're welcome. Thankyou. We've been working on it in secret and planning this entire
project for over two weeks now and thanks to my experience in the themepark industry and my
tremendous powers as president we're nearing completion. It's been non-stop, a lot of questions
and arguments with NASA eggheads and a lot of the boffins. I tell you I'm sick to death of it and
everything connected to it by now, part of me just wants the thing to explode on launch. But that's
natural. And remember, this is a dual project - we're not only building the rocket, we're building a
full scale replica that'll be the most amazing theme park ride in the world. And the ride will open on
launch day. One lucky group of people will get to take the first ride just as the rocket lifts off. Imagine
that people...if you're the first person on, you'll be able to see the real rocket take off from your seat
in the ride! It's going to be the most lifelike, realistic simulation ride in history. In American history.
(Wooh!s and cheers)
Now, okay, I can already hear the usual types...the nerds and the journalists and the media pundits
(there are boos and Purdy pauses for a second)...You remember the types from school, with their
glasses(he pushes his imaginary glasses up his nose again) I know, I know. But I can already hear
them asking one question. I can hear it already - (he impersonates a sniveling, whiny jourrnalist) 'but
mr president, what does building a rocket and firing it into space have to do with your 'no more'
policy? How does this rocket mean No More unemployment, No More inequality'
(he stops and slumps in an exaggerated way)
Well. I don't know.
(he holds his hands up)
Maybe it doesn't? Maybe I'm the dumb one and they're all smart.
(the crowd roars 'no' and cheers
him on)
Maybe this launch doesn't solve our problems. Maybe it's just a rocket, and a rocket launch doesn't
solve any problems, never mind the big ones we've got.
(the crowd is on the edge of their seats waiting for a punchline).
Or maybe...
(he leaves a pause for effect)
....this rocket is going to MARS!
(Crappy soft rock cuts in and he stands aside quickly, pointing to someone stage left, as a drape that
was covering a huge poster drops, but gets caught so only one half of it falls. 'Purdy Takes-.....To Ma-
....' is all that's visible. A hole in the stage opens and a small replica of the rocket and its launch
station rises from the stage. The president is looking in frustration at the concealed message and
yelling at people trying to reveal it. Meanwhile, the model rocket catches the side of the opening as it
rises and is pushed onto its side. It starts firing like a firework, the president turns and there is
commotion among the crowd. It launches with a fizzing, wobbly trajectory and we see it arcing
across the crowd and towards the lone African American man in an endless sea of white faces, an
African American man who is bored-ly holding a 'Blacks for Purdy' placard. We see him notice, too
late, that the rocket is coming straight for him and he makes a face of resigned acceptance, a 'well
obviously' face. There is a bang and the title credits roll)
...The next scene introduces the English family(I toyed with the idea of making them Mexican, just because the idea of a Trump-type figure accidentally firing a family of Mexicans into space to represent American colonial interests was amusing to me, but it was also just a touch exploitative) who win the contest to ride the rocket's replica fairground ride on launch day, and the overworked and much-pruned team overseeing the launch get the two rockets mixed up, and the family get fired into space.
In between all that, the family wearily make their way to the launch, get robbed repeatedly, barely survive the appalling hotel in which a tightfisted Purdy has put them up, and have to hitch a lift to the launchpad.
The main characters are actually the family, and president Purdy's son, who is a desperate, dim bulb with daddy issues(you can see this cribs from reality quite heavily) who insists he can run NASA himself and satisfy all of his father's unreasonable demands in terms of timeline and economics. President Purdy is only really seen in this opening scene.
Please let me know if you have any thoughts, or if you have any suggestions. Thanks.
.