TWO POLICE OFFICERS, P.C. CHIMNEY AND P.C. PILLOW, ARE OUTSIDE THE FRONT OF A BANK
PC CHIMNEY: That bloody bank robber is still in that bloody bank, PC Pillow!
PC PILLOW: Well, I'm sure the audience will be grateful for your exposition.
PC CHIMNEY: The position of my bloody eggs is nobody's business but my own. So what's the plan, PC Pillow?
PC PILLOW: I don't know. I wish we had one of those cones you can talk through, like they have in the films when they're offering them pizzas and helicopters.
PC CHIMNEY: There's no time for such luxuries. I'm going in. Cover me.
PC PILLOW PUTS A 'DORA THE EXPLORER' BLANKET OVER PC CHIMNEY'S HEAD
PC CHIMNEY REMOVES THE BLANKET. HE THINKS IT'S MILDLY AMUSING
PC CHIMNEY: That was mildly amusing, PC Pillow. To prevent you making another hilarious joke, however, perhaps we should go in together.
THEY GET THEIR TRUNCHEONS OUT - IF YOU'LL PARDON THE EXPRESSION - AND GO IN THE BANK
THERE IS A BANK ROBBER WEARING A BALACLAVA AND HOLDING A PISTOL
PC CHIMNEY: Right! Put that down, you villain!
PC PILLOW PUTS HIS TRUNCHEON DOWN
PC CHIMNEY: No, no, PC Pillow. I was talking to the bank robber. Now, Mr. Bank Robber, I want you to put that gun down. And remove that balaclava.
PC PILLOW: Steady on, PC Chimney! It might be a religious head covering. Article 9 of the human rights act states that everyone has the right to wear a hat, if God tells them to, or something along those lines.
PC CHIMNEY: Pah! It's just P.C. nonsense!
PC PILLOW: No, it's PC Pillow. I've been your partner for the past five months, don't you remember?
BANK ROBBER: Partner?!
PC PILLOW: (laughs) No, no, not like that! We're just colleagues.
PC CHIMNEY: Enough chit-chat! Put - the weapon - down!
PC PILLOW PUTS HIS TRUNCHEON DOWN AGAIN
PC CHIMNEY SIGHS, THEN LEAPS ACROSS THE ROOM AND HEROICALLY KNOCKS THE GUN FROM THE ROBBER'S HAND
A FIGHT ENSUES BUT IT DOESN'T LAST LONG, AND IT'S NOT PARTICULARLY EXCITING, TO BE HONEST
BANK ROBBER (lying on the ground): Curses. Foiled again.
PC CHIMNEY: Now, I've got to know... who is the man behind the mask?
PC CHIMNEY REMOVES THE BANK ROBBER'S BALACLAVA
PC PILLOW: Oh, I know him! That's Lee Plop, my old mate from school!
PC CHIMNEY: Ah, we'd better let him go, then!
THEY ALL WALK OUT LAUGHING