British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,642

Experts today warned that the UK faces a 'tidal wave of harm' from ultra-processed foods after two studies flagged their links with heart attacks and strokes.
Ultra-processed foods like frozen pizza, instant noodles, biscuits and cakes are unsurprisingly unhealthy but, to the surprise of many, breakfast cereals are now deemed 'ultra-processed'.

So will we now go from:
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to . .
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Yay!!!!

Post-Brexit checks on food coming into the UK from the EU will push up prices, the Government has admitted.

The Cabinet Office on Tuesday confirmed the controls will be delayed again and will not be fully implemented until October 2024, as Rishi Sunak attempts to bear down on stubbornly high inflation.

But the Government estimates that the total impact of the checks when they are introduced will add 0.2 per cent to the UK's food price inflation rate over three years.

But once they are brought in, "it will have an inflationary impact on price and it will potentially reduce choice because you are making it more expensive to import goods from the EU".

"For some EU exporters it won't be worth the hassle," Prof Menon said.

Yay!!!!

P.s.

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Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 28th August 2023, 8:27 AM

Not only is she alright - she's right.
Every Tory thinks the same.

I suspect quite a few Tories are fairly embarrassed by her at this stage.

Quote: lofthouse @ 29th August 2023, 6:29 PM

Yay!!!!

Post-Brexit checks on food coming into the UK from the EU will push up prices, the Government has admitted.......

And yet it was forecast before we transferred to Brexit, by 12 (out of 13) economists and the Bank of England. And the press (2021):
Source: https://theconversation.com/brexit-deal-or-no-deal-food-bills-are-about-to-get-a-lot-more-expensive-152327

"Admitted" my arse ! Conceded.

What am I missing about the ULEZ expansion?

If your car or vehicle kicks out too much nasty crap then you will be charged (or fined) for going into those areas.
So what does it cure?
If you pay, you can drive there with as much pollution as you like coming out of the back.
So it's really a pollution tax but not getting rid of pollution. Eh?

It doesn't affect me whatsoever presently, but what if it's expanded to all towns and cities across the UK - I often said, if traffic is such a problem in Ipswich, why don't they just put a No Entry sign at every road into the town and be done with it, as they clearly seemed determined to kill the town centre dead, which is almost like a ghost town now.................not unless you like coffee and gambling.

And with my experience of having carers (who work for piss poor wages) for my wife, how the hell are they going to look after their clients now in the Greater London area?

ULEZ

Read these: https://www.bbc.co.uk/search?q=ULEZ+Court&d=news_ps&seqId=fee6ef20-4705-11ee-ac80-f39600994dad

Halle Berry going on about how guys think women are over at 57 but she currently feels sexier than ever... This one always cracks me up. For a start, no one says that any more. But also, what did you expect her to say? 'Just turned 57 and f**k me, does it suck! I f**king hate it! Feel so old and past it, sob. I am so shit now. Any directors out there, don't book me ever again, I suck. Got a new film coming out but it's bound to be shit so punters, do yerselves a favour and avoid it like the f**king plague. Think there's a new film with Kate Upton coming out, watch her instead, that babe is hot. I am total and utter f**king shit.'

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 30th August 2023, 11:49 AM

Halle Berry going on about how guys think women are over at 57 but she currently feels sexier than ever... This one always cracks me up. For a start, no one says that any more. But also, what did you expect her to say? 'Just turned 57 and f**k me, does it suck! I f**king hate it! Feel so old and past it, sob. I am so shit now. Any directors out there, don't book me ever again, I suck. Got a new film coming out but it's bound to be shit so punters, do yerselves a favour and avoid it like the f**king plague. Think there's a new film with Kate Upton coming out, watch her instead, that babe is hot. I am total and utter f**king shit.'

You've literally done this exact same schtick before, almost word for word, just with another celebrity. Update your material, mon!

Quote: chipolata @ 30th August 2023, 11:55 AM

You've literally done this exact same schtick before, almost word for word, just with another celebrity. Update your material, mon!

And I ask myself, is it really news?

And shouldn't we by now have a thread just for MM to launch forth in a torrent of expletives, so we don't have to read the tedious posts - it could be Michael Monkhouse's Mouthful.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 28th August 2023, 10:43 PM

Experts today warned that the UK faces a 'tidal wave of harm' from ultra-processed foods after two studies flagged their links with heart attacks and strokes.
Ultra-processed foods like frozen pizza, instant noodles, biscuits and cakes are unsurprisingly unhealthy but, to the surprise of many, breakfast cereals are now deemed 'ultra-processed'.

So will we now go from:
Image

to . .
Image

Brilliant, Alison!

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 30th August 2023, 7:51 AM

What am I missing about the ULEZ expansion?

If your car or vehicle kicks out too much nasty crap then you will be charged (or fined) for going into those areas.
So what does it cure?
If you pay, you can drive there with as much pollution as you like coming out of the back.
So it's really a pollution tax but not getting rid of pollution. Eh?

It's to incentivise people to jack in their polluting cars and get compliant ones.
There's few that'll just treat it as a tax - one would hope that most people move to a compliant motor sooner rather than later.
It only affects 10% of vehicles in London, so as taxes go, it'll be pretty short-lived.

https://www.londonworld.com/news/traffic-and-travel/ulez-grant-shapps-urged-sadiq-khan-to-expand-congestion-zone-4264592

In other news , the general election in Gabon was won by Ali Bongo

😐😐😐

Quote: billwill @ 30th August 2023, 10:40 AM

ULEZ

Read these: https://www.bbc.co.uk/search?q=ULEZ+Court&d=news_ps&seqId=fee6ef20-4705-11ee-ac80-f39600994dad

What? All of them?

Quote: Lazzard @ 30th August 2023, 2:53 PM

It only affects 10% of vehicles in London.

Only if you believe Sadiq Khan, which not many people do.

Khan was criticised by the UK Statistics Authority for alleging that 90% of cars in outer London meet the ULEZ standards. Official statistics show that, in fact, 1 in 6 cars don't meet the standards and the Authority said this was part of a pattern where TFL (Transport for London) made public claims without publishing supporting evidence.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/cars/news/sadiq-khans-blasted-for-misleading-britons-on-ulez/ar-AA1dgHhA

His office has since admitted that he mis-spoke (that's politician talk for lying).

Quote: lofthouse @ 30th August 2023, 3:08 PM

https://www.londonworld.com/news/traffic-and-travel/ulez-grant-shapps-urged-sadiq-khan-to-expand-congestion-zone-4264592

In other news , the general election in Gabon was won by Ali Bongo

😐😐😐

I thought he was dead................that's a shock

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