Hi,
Thought we ought to have one of these since we had them for Newsjack.
I didn't submit anything this week but can imagine I'll be frequenting this thread before long!
DMs Are Open Series One Rejections (May-June 2022)
Excuse my ignorance. What's a DM?
Quote: Chappers @ 19th May 2022, 8:56 PMExcuse my ignorance. What's a DM?
Direct Message (as in on Twitter), it's a play on that as though it seems they're still presenting it like a radio show as Newsjack did, they want to give it a more social media feel it seems. Obvs you can still submit politics stuff, but they also want us to cover the weird obscure stuff (like Newsjack asked but usually was mainly topical political stuff ha).
No live audience, which I wasn't expecting which means it lacks quite a lot of energy. I listened to the intro and flicked through the rest. Couldn't see any funny to be honest.
I'm shocked. I am impressed by how bad this is.
Presenters can barely read, it's painfully obvious they are reading their parts, and the sketches have bad voice impressions. The one liners have this weird fake laughter.
They are trying to go after an audience that have never listened to radio comedy.
Wow, that really was awful, I didn't get beyond 10 minutes. I thought I hated Newsjack, but this...
Must be why I never get any stuff in.
I'll go first then. I thought the sketch I submitted (see below) was OK. Maybe it was too risqué, not topical enough or just not good enough.
ATHENA: Disney's "Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers" movie has just been released to the excitement of four, maybe even five, people. Old cartoons keep getting brought back in one form or another, but this isn't possible for all cartoons.
DESIGNER: Look, it was hugely popular in the past and it still has massive brand recognition. We should bring the series back so this generation can enjoy it as much as past ones did. And, honestly, despite what the woke twitterati say, I don't think there's anything wrong with the show.
EXECUTIVE: You don't think there's anything wrong with Pierre the Sexual-Assaulting Skunk?
DESIGNER: No, no. Not at all. I grew up on Pierre the Sexually-Assaulting Skunk and I turned out fine. Well, except for the year in rehab... And three in an asylum. But, OK, think of it like this: Pierre the Sexually-Assaulting Skunk is actually woke. He's foreign. He partners-up with people who are outside of his group. Plus, he's black and he's white. If anything, he is a role model.
EXECUTIVE: No, I can't in good faith, or good anything really, OK this project. And - I'll get to it now - the other cartoon you want to bring back - I'm afraid-
DESIGNER: Oh, don't tell me.
EXECUTIVE: I'll have to say no to it too.
DESIGNER: Julia, there's nothing racist about Coaly the Big-lipped Black Man.
EXECUTIVE: There's racism even in title!
DESIGNER: Look, there's nothing wrong with him. He's a man who just happens to be named Coaly and just happens to be black and just happens to have big lips.
EXECUTIVE: And just happens...
DESIGNER: Hmm?... OK, yes, he also just happens to keep making speeches about how great slavery is. OK.
EXECUTIVE: Hmm. You don't think that might be...
DESIGNER: It was the thirties! Values were different then. I bet we do things nowadays that'll be seen as politically-incorrect in the future. Like saying the word blacksmith. Or the words morning Jew. You saying no to these cartoon series is political-correctness gone mad. Or, as it'll soon be called, political-correctness gone mentally special.
EXECUTIVE: Look, it's a simple business decision. I know you may not like it, but, ultimately, reputation matters. We only produce child-friendly content here.
DESIGNER: Yeah. I know.
EXECUTIVE: Good. Now let's get back to the project we're actually working on. So, are these the new designs?
DESIGNER: Yeah.
F/X: PAPER HANDED OVER.
DESIGNER: These are the new Pokemon. The main characters will beat up them up, enslave them and force them to fight each other against their will.
EXECUTIVE: Lovely.
END
It's a perfectly decent sketch, I suspect the issue is that there's a fear not enough people would know Pepe le Pew or those dodgy Betty Boop cartoons to understand your satire of them.
I like the ending.
Regardless of context, no one's gonna broadcast a sketch with the line, "He's a man who just happens to be named Coaly and just happens to be black and just happens to have big lips."
Learn the rules of the game.
Here are two gags i sent in, but they didn't use
1.Bristol hosts Europe's largest graffiti festival, but it might be their last. The writings on the wall.
2.Vacuum Cleaner manufacturer, Dyson, have developed a pair of robotic hands to help keep your house tidy. When you clean up after yourself they give you a round of applause.
Erased comment here because I've changed my mind. I think both one-liners are fine.
Quote: TheKingLobotomy @ 6th June 2022, 10:00 AM1. Bristol hosts Europe's largest graffiti festival, but it might be their last. The writings on the wall.
Ancient punchline, mate. Do better.
Quote: don rushmore @ 6th June 2022, 7:15 PMDo better.
I got some material on this week. Good enough for you?
WHat was the joke (or sketch)