British Comedy Guide

Anyone betting on the Grand National? Page 11

My "on your hind legs" comment I admit was not my own.

It was from my late uncle who was also my surrogate grandfather and my genuine godfather. He lost his first wife early on to asthma when she was 45. Then he met a woman who had been through similar trauma with her husband who had died and she was struggling with a daughter who kept nicking milk off people's doorsteps. His second wife, then, and she was a bit of a good time girl who had been raised in children's homes. Very loud and cockney.

Massive bosom but then again massive frame. Massive vocals and lungs. Massive everything. Ultimately she divorced him when they were in their mid 80s as she said she was furious that he had turned into an old man and it was all his fault. Anyhow, her name was Mary so his actual phrase which was always reeled out as my mild father had put his pyjamas on at half past seven to indicate that they had stopped long after his natural bedtime was "up on your hind legs Mare". She would immediately jump off her chair with the cue.

Then they would leave to go back to Peckham and as soon as he had waved them a friendly goodbye, Dad would change back into his day clothing to watch TV until half past midnight. I hadn't ever thought of the sexual connotation to it until this day actually - and I am damned sure that my parents never did - but obviously they very much enjoyed doing it doggy style or perhaps more accurately along the lines of "My Not So Little Pony". Him and her until his rampant erections - even though he was only 5 foot 3 and had the weight of a jockey - tailed off at life's Beechers Brook - if not before.

I can see this now. Probably because he taught me the facts of life when after making me try to become an Olympic rower on Frensham ponds at age 2, he basically while sucking on a lozenge said in his Austin A40 van (which he subsequently sold to my father who within 48 hours crashed on ice and turned into a write off) "look willies are very big news and in twelve years you will be oozing spunk up women aged 34 : aw my gawd blimey it's bleetin' wild mate but don't tell your mother I said this".

Also, "don't tell the wigs that I said it either as they are the last people who can be trusted". My hearing wasn't especially great at that age - I had Wallace and Gromits - so I think that is what he said although I was extremely surprised, I have to say, when he became a regular voter of the National Front. The irony being that he and my mother were like two peas in a pod in that regard. Only she voted Conservative.

I loved him to bits except for the racist part - which I don't want to go into, nor for the reason why he was murdered or who murdered him as morally I shouldn't have been given that conviction - but he was a huge influence on me in so many ways. Very, very positive......without him, I wouldn't have become the all rounded man I am today. I am just so sorry for people who are more brittle than I am. There is no need to blame yourselves.

Anyways, animal rights, yus.....what's the latest?

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 14th April 2022, 11:00 AM

I got it wrong? I got it wrong?!

You really are a piece of work, and such a sad loser.

As Vic would say " You wouldn't let it lie"

How can I get it wrong, when horses do die in the Grand National (4 this year, not 1 as you said), and as for "The fences are dramatically lower than they used to be.", which you came out with and which two people in the business, including Bob Champion, have said the lower fences etc. have exacerbated the situation, which is borne out by, out of 84 deaths, 61 of them have been since the year 2000.

But then of course, we must bow to someone who has a couple of horses, which makes him an expert on steeplechasing, when the facts tell us different.

I expect you get miffed when you move out of the circle of people who hang on your every word, and find people disagreeing with what you say as being gospel, so perhaps we should make allowances, which doesn't involve calling people names.

The post where I said 1 died was from 2021 when, guess what, 1 died.
You quoted an old post.
Eye-test in order, maybe?
I await your apology - but more in hope than expectation.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 14th April 2022, 11:00 AM

I got it wrong? I got it wrong?!

You really are a piece of work, and such a sad loser.

As Vic would say " You wouldn't let it lie"

How can I get it wrong, when horses do die in the Grand National (4 this year, not 1 as you said), and as for "The fences are dramatically lower than they used to be.", which you came out with and which two people in the business, including Bob Champion, have said the lower fences etc. have exacerbated the situation, which is borne out by, out of 84 deaths, 61 of them have been since the year 2000.

But then of course, we must bow to someone who has a couple of horses, which makes him an expert on steeplechasing, when the facts tell us different.

I expect you get miffed when you move out of the circle of people who hang on your every word, and find people disagreeing with what you say as being gospel, so perhaps we should make allowances, which doesn't involve calling people names.

In the local dialect "Hey hey, calm down!"

Oh yus, this is the latest.

I'm Sagittarius so half horse myself.

The other half is all radish.

Quote: Lazzard @ 14th April 2022, 4:46 PM

The post where I said 1 died was from 2021 when, guess what, 1 died.
You quoted an old post.
Eye-test in order, maybe?
I await your apology - but more in hope than expectation.

As it happens, I don't have good eyesight - virtually blind in my left eye and glaucoma with a cataract in my right, for which I have an eye test at the hospital every 6 months to ensure I am not going blind, so I don't see things clearly, but there was also an amount of confusion when Chappers entered the fray with figures, lines got blurred and I misread your post, but owing to your attitude over the whole debacle, I will not be apologising.

Will you now please refrain from replying to my posts. I have tried to hold decent runs with you over the years, but invariably you finish up trying to show how clever you think you are with arcane insults, which is tiresome.

a) I'll do what I like
b) it was you who responed to my post, in your usual boorish manner - not the other way round.
c) I knew you wouldn't apologise - it's not in your nature.
d) Sorry about your eyesight - you have mentioned it before, a few times. If I had remembered I wouldn't have made the eye-test comment, but found some other way to tell you to double-check before you go off half-cock.

Those Japanese girls who used to think that wearing face masks was the height of fashion were made to look pretty stupid when Covid arrived. People just looked at those masks and immediately thought of illness.

So surely it can't be beyond human ability to invent an absolutely horrendous contagious disease of the feet and hooves which requires for safety purposes wearing trainers and horseshoes.

In this way, we can finally remove the ludicrous notion that both are not only needed for sports' purposes but that they are also somehow trendy.

Quote: Lazzard @ 15th April 2022, 2:07 PM

a) I'll do what I like
b) it was you who responed to my post, in your usual boorish manner - not the other way round.
c) I knew you wouldn't apologise - it's not in your nature.
d) Sorry about your eyesight - you have mentioned it before, a few times. If I had remembered I wouldn't have made the eye-test comment, but found some other way to tell you to double-check before you go off half-cock.

That's mostly an interesting bit of gaslighting, which I'm sure a psychologists would say, says a lot about you.

As Col. Jessup said, or rather shouted "You can't handle the truth"

a) which bit was gaslighting?
c) do you know what 'gaslighting' actually is?

Putting the stove on to fry some sausages if you're still allowed them by your health practitioner, and obviously have gas. I sometimes wonder what the adopted use of it means but I have no real interest to know.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 16th April 2022, 2:34 PM

. I sometimes wonder what the adopted use of it means but I have no real interest to know.

You're in good company, it seems.

Kipper does know what it means
He explained the definition in another thread, but he probably doesn't remember

Quote: Lazzard @ 16th April 2022, 2:26 PM

a) which bit was gaslighting?
c) do you know what 'gaslighting' actually is?

Yes - do you? Because it covers a broad spectrum, which I'm not going to go through, as I've wasted enough time on you already.

Now, please go away.

Herc just stop posting on this thread
it's becoming extremely unedifying, you've said you were going to stop on several occasions

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 16th April 2022, 4:21 PM

Herc just stop posting on this thread
it's becoming extremely unedifying, you've said you were going to stop on several occasions

Why pick on me - why don't you tell him to stop too. Seems a bit slanted.

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