Quote: A Horseradish @ 30th March 2022, 11:34 PMBilly Bunting - I am liking the little Angels wireless station. It is a nice bit of escapism. My favourite presenter is Roy Beagle.
Good. Glad to have you on board. They do a very good 60s programme at 9am on Saturdays (repeated at 10ish on Saturday evening).
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 31st March 2022, 8:40 AMGood. Glad to have you on board. They do a very good 60s programme at 9am on Saturdays (repeated at 10ish on Saturday evening).
Thank you.
Checking through a 1968 diary I happened to come across, there was a reminder for me to renew the radio licence for my car!
Don't remember that ever being the case.
? Before electric cars did radios run off steam ?
Quote: Firkin @ 3rd April 2022, 6:01 PM? Before electric cars did radios run off steam ?
Quote: Firkin @ 3rd April 2022, 6:01 PM? Before electric cars did radios run off steam ?
No, but the radio did
Dear Diary
What I Did On Tuesday 5 April 2022:
Wrapped my car around a tree. Got photographed with lines of cocaine beside me. Was arrested for sexual harassment. Buried a lot of fixed penalty notices. Bombed the Russians hoping for a Falklands War style electoral impact. Decided to build seven new nuclear power stations and to work towards sticking fracking sites next to them so that they would be damaged by earthquakes, leading to radiation across the shires. Forged ahead with a major trade agreement with an island in the Pacific no one has ever of. Population 233. Withdrew any last bit of counselling support or decent respect for the human rights of autistic people and victims of abuse. Came out as trans.
Took away money from Channel 4 and the BBC so as to destroy them. Made sure that social care reform was long enough away that money could be saved and that it would never actually apply to people who are currently in care. Introduced a ban on conversion therapy which unfairly forces Conservative people to vote for another party. Simultaneously for vote catching reasons organised a major LGBT conference in which no one who is LGBT decided to attend. Took a £100,000 pound loan out from a highly dubious Russian oligarch who I hadn't bombed that is now being investigated by the police. Got my Foreign Secretary to attempt diplomacy abroad even though I knew she would virtually single handedly trigger the possibility of World War 3. Afterwards, I just let her say that she supported the illegal travelling of British nationals to fight in a foreign war.
Rang Rishi to make sure that all of this unfortunate business with Allegra Stratton hadn't affected her very close family relationship with him including godparenting. Spoke passionately in the Commons about the benefits of leaving your wife and family to enjoy gay sex on amyl nitrate in Reigate. Morally smashed a football club owning Russian oligarch and then asked him to independently negotiate with diplomacy a prevention of World War Three. Ditched the North of England so that I could wholly concentrate spending on military hardware for a country hundreds of miles away that six months ago no one could geographically place.
Dodged questions about exactly how many children my loins have produced. Ensured that the public saw that Cameron and Osborne had genuinely been sadists with their austerity programme by finding an endless supply of magic money trees. Prepared to liberally allow Extinction Rebellion next month to block all major roads including to hospitals without any sort of penalty. Allowed energy bills to treble without doing the slightest thing about it other than to force loans on people whether they could manage or wanted loans or not.
Discovered that extraordinarily five sixths of British vegetable and fruit pickers were already from Ukraine. Have adjusted the immigration and refugee criteria so as to make this 100% as we are very short of slave labour. Got every possible leadership challenger to indicate where and when criminally they had used illegal drugs. Decided on the basis of the success of having in place ludicrously stringent measures for the sniffle that was Omicron to remove all Covid restrictions just as the rates of it reached an all time peak. Picked a fight with China. Spent lavishly on the supporter of our enemy India. Cosied up to the liberal regimes of Saudi Arabia and Qatar.
Begged and begged and begged to be given five minutes of time by the new leader of the free world, President Zelinskiy and was finally given permission to speak with him if only for two and a half. Said I would support him, fully recognising his genuine difficulties, even if his country in the future decided to become the new Nazi Germany. Tubthumped vigorously. Spoke constant mindboggling balderdash. Ruffled in an alluring way my dishevelled hair. Privately contemplated announcing a Royal Commission to investigate the benefits of introducing the legal sale of heroin at every local newsagent. Got very friendly again with the EU and wondered whether we should rejoin it.
Decided that if I was only going to go for one offshore windfarm it would be massive and in the Irish Sea. In this way, it would conveniently get in the way of my ludicrously impossible idea of building a bridge from Scotland to Northern Ireland. Kind of managed to put climate change on the backburner now that the Americans have ordered that blasted Thunberg woman to keep quiet. Shielded the Home Secretary from allegations of bullying and staff abuse but made absolutely damned sure that if Putin was so ridiculous as to launch a nuclear weapon it would be towards us and he would have the wrath of British voters to contend with. Woe betide.
Airily dismissed the long waits for cancer and other treatments on the NHS, the housing crisis, the imminent prospect of Scottish Independence and the very existence of so called Muslim extremist groups. Just didn't have the time. Lowered the threshold at which student loans need to be paid. Hiked National insurance. Made myself the biggest pal of Joe Biden of all time even though the Americans are saying a trade agreement with them will be postponed for at least a decade if it happens at all. Checked to see just how many married 67 year old backbenchers were indulging in orgies with 16 year old rent boys and advised each it was perfectly acceptable as long as the news of it didn't get into the newspapers.
Was recommended to check into a mental asylum under the severe instructions of my wife.
So, yeah, just a regular sort of day really.
We........The Conservative Party, Your Government
Quote: A Horseradish @ 5th April 2022, 7:22 PMDear Diary
What I Did On Tuesday 5 April 2022:
Wrapped my car around a tree. Got photographed with lines of cocaine beside me. Was arrested for sexual harassment. Buried a lot of fixed penalty notices. Bombed the Russians hoping for a Falklands War style electoral impact. Decided to build seven new nuclear power stations and to work towards sticking fracking sites next to them so that they would be damaged by earthquakes, leading to radiation across the shires. Forged ahead with a major trade agreement with an island in the Pacific no one has ever of. Population 233. Withdrew any last bit of counselling support or decent respect for the human rights of autistic people and victims of abuse. Came out as trans.
Took away money from Channel 4 and the BBC so as to destroy them. Made sure that social care reform was long enough away that money could be saved and that it would never actually apply to people who are currently in care. Introduced a ban on conversion therapy which unfairly forces Conservative people to vote for another party. Simultaneously for vote catching reasons organised a major LGBT conference in which no one who is LGBT decided to attend. Took a £100,000 pound loan out from a highly dubious Russian oligarch who I hadn't bombed that is now being investigated by the police. Got my Foreign Secretary to attempt diplomacy abroad even though I knew she would virtually single handedly trigger the possibility of World War 3. Afterwards, I just let her say that she supported the illegal travelling of British nationals to fight in a foreign war.
Rang Rishi to make sure that all of this unfortunate business with Allegra Stratton hadn't affected her very close family relationship with him including godparenting. Spoke passionately in the Commons about the benefits of leaving your wife and family to enjoy gay sex on amyl nitrate in Reigate. Morally smashed a football club owning Russian oligarch and then asked him to independently negotiate with diplomacy a prevention of World War Three. Ditched the North of England so that I could wholly concentrate spending on military hardware for a country hundreds of miles away that six months ago no one could geographically place.
Dodged questions about exactly how many children my loins have produced. Ensured that the public saw that Cameron and Osborne had genuinely been sadists with their austerity programme by finding an endless supply of magic money trees. Prepared to liberally allow Extinction Rebellion next month to block all major roads including to hospitals without any sort of penalty. Allowed energy bills to treble without doing the slightest thing about it other than to force loans on people whether they could manage or wanted loans or not.
Discovered that extraordinarily five sixths of British vegetable and fruit pickers were already from Ukraine. Have adjusted the immigration and refugee criteria so as to make this 100% as we are very short of slave labour. Got every possible leadership challenger to indicate where and when criminally they had used illegal drugs. Decided on the basis of the success of having in place ludicrously stringent measures for the sniffle that was Omicron to remove all Covid restrictions just as the rates of it reached an all time peak. Picked a fight with China. Spent lavishly on the supporter of our enemy India. Cosied up to the liberal regimes of Saudi Arabia and Qatar.
Begged and begged and begged to be given five minutes of time by the new leader of the free world, President Zelinskiy and was finally given permission to speak with him if only for two and a half. Said I would support him, fully recognising his genuine difficulties, even if his country in the future decided to become the new Nazi Germany. Tubthumped vigorously. Spoke constant mindboggling balderdash. Ruffled in an alluring way my dishevelled hair. Privately contemplated announcing a Royal Commission to investigate the benefits of introducing the legal sale of heroin at every local newsagent. Got very friendly again with the EU and wondered whether we should rejoin it.
Decided that if I was only going to go for one offshore windfarm it would be massive and in the Irish Sea. In this way, it would conveniently get in the way of my ludicrously impossible idea of building a bridge from Scotland to Northern Ireland. Kind of managed to put climate change on the backburner now that the Americans have ordered that blasted Thunberg woman to keep quiet. Shielded the Home Secretary from allegations of bullying and staff abuse but made absolutely damned sure that if Putin was so ridiculous as to launch a nuclear weapon it would be towards us and he would have the wrath of British voters to contend with. Woe betide.
Airily dismissed the long waits for cancer and other treatments on the NHS, the housing crisis, the imminent prospect of Scottish Independence and the very existence of so called Muslim extremist groups. Just didn't have the time. Lowered the threshold at which student loans need to be paid. Hiked National insurance. Made myself the biggest pal of Joe Biden of all time even though the Americans are saying a trade agreement with them will be postponed for at least a decade if it happens at all. Checked to see just how many married 67 year old backbenchers were indulging in orgies with 16 year old rent boys and advised each it was perfectly acceptable as long as the news of it didn't get into the newspapers.
Was recommended to check into a mental asylum under the severe instructions of my wife.
So, yeah, just a regular sort of day really.
We........The Conservative Party, Your Government
Eventful
I just had a brew and watched the telly
Quote: lofthouse @ 5th April 2022, 8:43 PMEventful
I just had a brew and watched the telly
You vote Labour don't you.
Yes but only in my spare time
Doing nothing is always the best bet.
Especially if you self-declare as you do on living in Nowhere.
The Full Time Prime Minister of Ukraine:
Warms the cockles of your heart don't it.
So much seemingly genuine commitment.
Even it isn't to here.
He's Russian, he's Turkish, he was born in New York City.
Is he actually British?
Perhaps a To British conversion therapy might help him?
An old fart's privilege with "complications", so had my 4th Covid jab this morning.
Did a rapid lateral flow test last week, which proved negative, as did the one I did three weeks ago for a visit to the hospital - not that it was a requirement.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 6th April 2022, 12:08 PMAn old fart's privilege with "complications", so had my 4th Covid jab this morning.
Did a rapid lateral flow test last week, which proved negative, as did the one I did three weeks ago for a visit to the hospital - not that it was a requirement.
Great news - but your posts are now starting to get very long.
Dear Diary
What I Did On Wednesday 6 April 2022:
A much quieter day today. Rang Xi to protest in no uncertain terms about China's lousy human rights record. Then within seconds I begged him to stop North Korea testing nuclear weapons. Spoke next to Nadine. Asked her why now that football hooliganism is significantly on the rise, she isn't making it worse by fast tracking all standing areas as she should be doing. Approved the use of thiamethoxam, telling experts where to get off, so that we can rid ourselves for all time of pesky bees.
Authorised the spending of vast sums of money we cannot possibly afford on a beautifully grandiose UK space project. Enquired whether there is any form of counselling available on the NHS for those of us who have wives under the age of 35 which could prevent them by force ever getting any older. Improved my Russian language skills in a showing off way by speaking far more words of it this morning than I spoke words of recognisable English. Gave Hitchens a piece of my mind for his obsession with being just too damned socially conservative.
Concerned that my intention to gain votes by starting and then winning a large series of fish wars has not been adequately progressed. Published a consultation exercise on the expansion of AONBs asking the public to comment on maps which I deliberately made so small it was impossible for anyone to look at them in any detail. Stopped very briefly for a six hour five course lunch with the good folk of the Cayman Islands, the British Virgin Islands and the other tax havens I run. Relaxed with a port while watching the rather excellent dancing display by protesters on top of oil tanker vehicles.
Gave my full support to supermarket bosses on their large price increases for basic commodities. Spoke to lawyers to see if we could introduce new legislation which would specifically address placing Cummings in a lockdown for life. Realised that my tie was just too neat and so dragged it down so that the knot was sloppily between my elbows. Looked into further need for refurbishments at No 10 at the taxpayers' expense. Asked Zac if it was about time he and I had another undeclared holiday in Marbella. Decided to axe proposals for a law barring import of hunting trophies following pressure from the liberally democratic House of Lords.
Changed the farming regulations to permit a wide range of genetically modified crops. Agreed to introduce a new Animal of the Year award starting in October with the chlorine washed chicken. Postponed any new trade agreements with Brazil and most of the Caribbean and Africa for several years and announced new ones with the likes of Mexico which are not new at all but simply a quick updating of what existed anyhow. Considered saving our libraries by merging them with vape shops, methadone hubs and brothels. Banned free range eggs.
Declared on my latest other worldly whim that Britain would be fully powered by hydrogen by 2050 knowing full well that there isn't one hydrogen boiler in sight and I shall never be held accountable. Gave my full backing to new enlightened Victorian money making entertainments like opening up the bodies of replicas of the Elephant Man and Jack the Ripper under the spurious terms that such drama is education. Insisted on there being a healthy mix of true news and fake news so that not one person in the country would ever be able to tell what was true and what was fake anymore. Cancelled the LGBT Conference while not actually cancelling it at all. Very worried about how votes for me may play out there.
Rang the Pope to thank him sincerely for his kind words on my country Ukraine but to warn him that he is getting a bit too big for his boots and there is only room for one of us to be Godlike and that is me. He's blimmin' narky that geezer. Got all full of himself. But as I said to him "look mate, you have never taken a wide range of illegal substances or had bits on the side - you've not even ever worn track suit bottoms - so how with respect could you know anything about anything". That firmly put him in his place.
Discussed with Keir that in view of the fact that he and I agree on 98% of things whether we should seriously consider merging the two parties. He was quite keen on the idea but wanted to know what we would call it. I said "well, my suggestion would be The Labour Party". Finally managed to get through to Elon to ask him to speed up his plans to make me the first and only man in history to be the ruler of the world while living on the planet Uranus.
Yep. I'm still in the asylum sadly and they are currently undertaking extensive tests on me - but however often I am absent from Parliament for every reason I can possibly think of I am still fully in charge. And be in no doubt - I'm working as utterly sincerely as I have ever been on behalf of everyone who voted for me.
So, yeah, just another regular day really.
We the Conservative Party - Your Government.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 6th April 2022, 12:10 PMGreat news - but your posts are now starting to get very long.
?