British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,373

Putin is in trouble, the art attacks have begun. It's not Guernica but it's brave and I hope it outlast Putin's legacy.

3 guesses what will happen to her.

It won't be fake.

A Met police officer was caught wanking, sat on a bench in a public park on Wednesday.
Not an April fools joke.
A walker spotted him, nob out, full throws.
They filmed him and put it on Twitter.
He's now been arrested and held in custody.
Sounds like a joke But no punchline.

I always said that they shouldn't have accepted Mormons into the force.

To be frank, western society has crossed so many boundaries on the grounds that it "is only normal", some might even today still find some sympathy for the outlook of Vladimir Putin.

Why male - and female - masturbation in open daylight should be the one exception that gets everyone hot under the collar I shall never understand. It seems petty and power driven in the extreme and it is definitely an aspect of the ugly human pack mentality.

Why not just make it legal so that on an average commute you witness three wankers in your train and another six as you walk up to your office from the station? Within six months, no one would take any notice. It would just be run of the mill - and a big yawn.

Some would oppose it on economic grounds in that it would be argued street cleaners would need an additional payment for dealing with ejaculations. But I have to put up with ejaculations from the Daily Mail every day on the bloody internet and no one pays me.

What's the difference between Covid and jokes about Will Smith? Covid might go away.

Can it get any stupider - I've known and eaten Midget Gems since being a toddler, and never once did it occur to me the name was offensive. They are small, tiny sweets.

So are all MG Midget owners now going to be hounded to change the name of their classic car?

They will now be called Mini Gems after a disability academic raised concerns about the use of the word "midget".

Dr Erin Pritchard, who has a condition that stunts growth called achondroplasia, approached a number of supermarkets and confectionary makers about changing the name.

The lecturer in disability studies at Liverpool Hope University said "midget" is seen as a derogatory term for people with growth problems and has previously called for the use of it to be seen as hate speech.

Oh, come one this is just plain daft.

Following the announcement, Dr Pritchard claimed "a lot" of people were getting "upset" about the change.

Is it any wonder?

You can still eat them, so why care if they've changed their name. Although I've never heard of them so they might want to invest in some adverts.

Well, you can't call midgets, midgets so all is lost.

I don't know what is sadder

Forcing a company to change the name of some sweeties incase it upsets some people

Or people getting their knickers in a twist prattling on about it like the worlds gonna end

Who gives a fook

Quote: chipolata @ 3rd April 2022, 4:29 PM

You can still eat them, so why care if they've changed their name. Although I've never heard of them so they might want to invest in some adverts.

You've missed the point, and I'm gobsmacked you've never heard of them

Quote: lofthouse @ 3rd April 2022, 4:57 PM

I don't know what is sadder
Forcing a company to change the name of some sweeties incase it upsets some people
Or people getting their knickers in a twist prattling on about it like the worlds gonna end

And there you go again exaggerating what was said. That is what is sad.

Come back, Andrew Dice Clay. All is forgiven.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd April 2022, 5:14 PM

Come back, Andrew Dice Clay. All is forgiven.

The second coming of Dice, that would be an ecumenical matter.

"The word "Midget " really upsets some people - would you consider changing the name?"
"Certainly - why needlessly upset anyone?"

That's how long that conversation should go on.

Putin is the prime representative of a total country. That sentence also works without the final syllable.

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