Weird Luke

Thought I'd stick this here. A children's book I did a few years back. No luck with agents or publishers though.

Weird Luke was a cowboy
But a special kind of one.
He wore a cowboy hat and boots
But never used a gun.

He slept beneath the stars
And helped the cows when they got stuck,
But it wasn't from a horse's back
'Cause Luke would ride his duck.

Sure, the duck was small
And Luke got laughed at by the farmers,
But the duck was brave and loyal
With the strength of 20 llamas.

He rode his duck to town one day.
A town called Deadman's Creek.
He had to get his haircut
And his shopping for the week.

He hitched his duck to a post
By one of the saloons,
Pushed through the flappy wooden doors
And saw the bright balloons.

There were balloons of every colour:
Purple, yellow, green and red.
Luke wondered what was happening
Until the Barman said:

"It's Evil Jake's birthday
And things will get unpleasant
If he comes in and finds you here
And you've not brought a present!"

Just as the Barman stopped talking
The doors went flappity flap
And standing there right next to Luke
Was a nasty looking chap.

Short and round with shaggy hair
And great big bushy beard.
"My name is Evil Jake" he said,
"And I hate you 'cause you're weird!"

"Now today it is my birthday,
A day when I have fun.
A day for lots of presents
So have you brought me one?"

"No I didn't" Luke replied.
"I didn't know it was today.
I just came for a trim and food.
I'll just be on my way."

Luke went outside to get his duck
And found a waiting crowd.
But his path was quickly blocked by Jake
Who shouted mean and loud.

"If you try and come back to town
Then you'll be out of luck.
Get out! Stay out! Don't come back!
You and your stupid duck!"

The crowd all gasped as they saw
The look upon Luke's face.
"Nobody says that 'bout my duck,
I challenge you to a race!"

"OK" Said Jake. "Let's start now.
We got no time for practices.
Over the bridge and along the gorge
Then back through the field of cactuses."

Jake jumped upon his horse
A huge brown and angry steed.
It reared up and snorted loudly
Then shot off at super speed.

Luke did not chase after,
Confusing all the folk
Instead he climbed upon his duck,
Turned to them, and spoke:

"I know people call me weird
But folk of Deadman's Creek,
You really mean I'm special,
One of a kind, or quite unique!"

"You're weird but nice" a local said.
"Though your mount is beaked and teeny,
Every one in town is supporting you
To beat that mean old meanie!"

Luke then shook the reins he held
And duck quacked loud and frightening.
Then off he shot, the feathered beast,
Fast as a streak of lightning.

Jake was first to cross the bridge
On the edge of town.
Then he lit a stick of dynamite
And blew it to the ground.

When Luke got there the bridge was gone
But he knew just what to do.
He held on tight to his duck's neck
And across the brave bird flew.

After Jake went through the gorge
He blew the dam in two.
Water spilled to flood the route
So now nobody could get through.

Luke arrived and found the way
Blocked by a great new lake,
But his duck jumped in and swam across
And began to catch up Jake.

Jake had to slow at the cactus field
In case his clothes got caught,
But Luke went underneath their spines
Because his duck was nice and short.

Luke and duck got back to town
To win and claim first place.
Jake slunk off to his hideout
With a great big sulky face.

The townsfolk stood amazed
And then everybody cheered.
"Hooray!" they cried, "Hooray for Luke!
Hooray for being weird!"

Fantastic.
I'd have happily read that to my kids.
A cracking illustrator would have a ton of fun with that
Childfens books is a real minefield - so many agents won't even look at them.
How have you tried to get it published etc if you don't mind me asking?

I've read lots of children's books to my kids and grandkids and that is one of the best.
The message is quite subtle and well told.
Persevere, it's a winner.

Like it ?

I think it's very strong. Maybe the trick to get publishers interested is to seek out an illustrator yourself and rough out a couple of page layouts - I have no idea.

I think the scansion could do with attention sometimes.

Quote: gappy @ 6th March 2022, 12:12 PM

I think it's very strong. Maybe the trick to get publishers interested is to seek out an illustrator yourself and rough out a couple of page layouts - I have no idea.

View original

I'm told that's not the route, unless the illustrator you use already has an entreé with a publisher.
Publishers tend to have a set of go-to illustrators who they farm the stories out to.
Not an expert in any shape or form, though.

Wow! That's as entertaining a poem as any young child is ever likely to read so I'd say it's a surefire winner in the world of poetry for children. It'll delight children and, in doing so, it'll delight their parents. So why hasn't been published? Who knows? Certainly not me but if I had to take a guess I'd say Gappy might have something when he mentions scanning. When writing a song or poem, I always think scanning should be perfect unless there's a good reason for it not to be.

Tidy up the scanning and submit it to some more publishers because I'll tell you how good your poem is - there'll be BCG members who'll be reading that poem to their kids or grandkids this very day.

PS. Have you considered making the weird person non-binary? Maybe change their name to Charlie and when you need to lose a syllable shorten it to Chas? You could open with 'Charlie was a cowpoke'. Whatever you do with it, I wish you the very best of luck. It's a great poem and you have a genuine talent.

Quote: alison blunderland @ 6th March 2022, 1:30 PM

PS. Have you considered making the weird person non-binary? Maybe change their name to Charlie and when you need to lose a syllable shorten it to Chas? You could open with 'Charlie was a cowpoke'. Whatever you do with it, I wish you the very best of luck. It's a great poem and you have a genuine talent.

View original

But then, you wouldn't be able to fit in the "Crossing the Road" safety message for children of "Stop, Luke and Listen"

Verse should rise and fall
Like in ballroom dancing
If it does not then you could trip
Up or just go around prancing.

Quote: Lazzard @ 6th March 2022, 12:33 PM

I'm told that's not the route, unless the illustrator you use already has an entreé with a publisher.
Publishers tend to have a set of go-to illustrators who they farm the stories out to.
Not an expert in any shape or form, though.

View original

You're clearly more of an expert than I! Thanks, Lazzard.

Thank you for the replies everybody.

And thanks for the positive comments. I'm in childcare and have read over 11 books over the years and I'm confident my story is one of the better ones.

Getting a poem to scan right can be tricky. I use the same approach as my scripts. Write it, improve it all I can, then sling it in a metaphorical draw for a few weeks before reading it again. You end up reading things in certain ways and often don't notice issues until you come back with fresh eyes and try it again. 'Luke' has been away for a year now and there's a couple of bits:

"OK" Said Jake. "Let's start now.
We got no time for practices.
Over the bridge and along the gorge
Then back through the field of cactuses."

Should end "Then through the field of cactuses." That last line had one too many syllables. Line 3 has 2 more than line one, but o-ver and a-long fit softly into their line and kind of skip a sound each in my opinion. There's a couple of others I still want to sort out.

I've sent it to every agent in the Children's Writer's Yearbook thingy (The writer's bible), and then to all the publishers. No luck.

Mr Lazzard is right. Publishers like to chose the illustrator. It's also a few verses too long. Children's picture books are 24 pages long in the UK, but I might get away with it. Also, publishers are less keen on rhyming books as they don't translate. Hasn't stopped the plague of grufalos in the UK though.

I will keep trying. If I could find an illustrator who's willing to take a punt and maybe self publish or something.

Quote: Tiggy @ 6th March 2022, 7:20 PM

I'm in childcare and have read over 11 books over the years...

View original

I meant to write 11 billion or 11 squillion or something. Over 11 books doesn't seen that impressive.

I would suggest:
"OK" said Jake "Let's start right now"
"We've got no time for practises
Across the bridge, along the gorge
Then through the field of cactuses.

Lazzard's version is perfect. It's not about syllables so much as stresses.

This verse alternates 4 & 3 (Rime of the Ancient Mariner scansion) and some of the others above do too. But not all, by any means.

I cannot stress this strong enough
To keep your verse form flowing through
There is much scanning work to do
To keep your iamb from your trochee
Lest your metre turn out choppy.

I like the poem. I agree the rhythm needs a little work.

I'll add that Weird Luke doesn't strike me as a catchy name. Since the title is the first thing we see, it really should be something catchy. Something that rhymes or has alliteration, maybe.