British Comedy Guide

The Hannigans - sitcom pilot

A newly retired American couple pack up and move to a small English village, but they're not getting the peaceful life they hoped for.

Larry and Joyce Hannigan have inherited property in the fictional English village of Tarslaw, just outside Newcastle. Larry suffered a mild heart attack at the age of 54, which convinced them both to pursue a slower, simpler life. Both recently retired and viewing life differently since the heart attack, they've bravely chosen to leave their life in Rochester, New York behind and create a new pastoral existence, free from the trappings of technology, noise and city bustle.

No car, no cell phones, no internet. As Joyce proclaims in the opening episode, "We want a peaceful life. With flowers and bicycles and tea and fish and chips." But instead of that new stress-free English country life, Joyce and Larry begin to feel like the victims of an elaborate practical joke.

https://thehannigans.com/

I read a few pages of the pilot.
I didn't get the 'com' part of sitcom.
It was interesting but very gentle.

Not enough happens for a pilot, IMHO.
Essentially you could fit what you've got into about 10 pages.
The 'mystery' that develops in Eps. 3,4 & 5 need to kick-off Episode One, I reckon
Careful of 'local' language - the woman seems to use a lot of UK idiom - Blimey, Squire, old chap - whilst Murphy goes a bit American - 'yard work' would be gardening - 'out back' isn't idiomatic either - 'round the back' possibly? And I doubt he'd have a pick up - and if he did it'd be a knackered Toyota!
Pg 4 (& 5) is very exposition heavy - you need to find a neater way to get this in (the Dinner Party flashback does a pretty good job)
Some of the back and forth banter is not worth the effort (eg the New York 'bit') - if it's going to sharp, it needs to be Neil Simon sharp.
I think the concept of the fish-out-of-water, fast-talking NY couple in little old England is fine - you just need to give them something to do.
A much used (but for good reason) technique is the cold open that sees our couple in a ludicrous situation - then winds back 24 hours or whatever to see how they got there (opening of Breaking Bad pilot is a prime example). Once you've decided what kind of trouble you want to get them in by the end of Ep 1 it might make for a brighter start.
You might want to 'de-gentle' the whole premise somewhat - gentle isn't getting a lot of traction right now.
Even stuff like The Durrells is actually quite 'big' when it comes to plot development.
Good luck.

Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated and useful. It pleases me that the word "gentle" was used - that was exactly the goal. The concept was largely inspired by Detectorists, which was a breath of fresh air, in my opinion. It had a sincere and gentle quality that I loved. We really tried to present ideas with subtlety.

I submitted a book, even though I don't really read books, (idiot) for review on youtube on a well-known channel. They read a sample out and then viewers and a couple of agents/publishers comment. It was very difficult. I was almost behind the sofa in another room by the time they had finished! I finished 3rd of 4 with 42%.

I'm always a bit hesitant about providing feedback because I'm not a successful writer (yet!) I would say you have all the formatting and presentation good and the writing seems fine. It's so difficult to break in though these days because so many scripts are written. I read somewhere that in the USA 100,000 per year hit the desks of production companies and Agents. A lot of those will be from writers whose work has been made.

I read the bit with reference to Jimmy Stewart (I think it was him) and I can guarantee that a large percentage of the population wouldn't know who he is. There is plenty of scope for gentle comedy though and a lot of people still watch the older shows like Last of the Summer Wine and as you mentioned Detectorists. If I smile the whole way through it has been very good.

I read the first few pages only, not because I thought it was bad, but because I am working on something myself. Therefore. I'm not sure if there is any conflict, is there someone for the gentle characters to spark with? maybe you could change it so that the Americans come over here and they have a distant relative who for whatever reason dumps a rebellious teenager on them? I'm reminded of an old sitcom 'Home To Roost' was it with John Thaw and Reece (Somebody). But that wasn't particularly gentle.

Good luck!

They always say "show don't tell".....

I like the concept. Americans seeking the classic English village experience.... If this is what they are seeking, you need to build a world that ISN'T what they are looking for. You need conflict between the reality and the drive to drive the humor. Then have their family visit them expecting the same quaint picture of life in the English countryside as Larry and Joyce try to "fake it".

For example......... small village residents are retiring and leaving Tarslaw by selling their business to big chain stores or farmers are selling their picturesque landscape to a giant warehouse company who is going to bulldoze the greeting card image.

You should watch the movie Funny Farm staring Chevy Chase for possible inspiration. Chase's character leaves his big city job for a quaint house in a picturesque New England village to write his novel. Needless to say, bait and switch.

Best of luck

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