COBRA MEETING
BOJO
Right lets get down to it I've got five minutes before I have to bugger orf to Chequers for a long weekend.
HANCOCK
But its only Monday
TRUSS
We have a song being sung in schools this Friday that's rather uplifting.
RABB
And our latest MP Morrisey has suggested everyone should get a free picture of the queen off their MP's to hang in their homes and workplaces if there's any left.
BOJO
Excellent, who's Morrisey?
REES MOGG
She's the young lady we got to replace that awful Demonic Grieve and his ghastly common sense approach to issues.
BOJO
Well, you can tell that totty that she's orf to a flyer!
They all bang the table in glee apart for Sunak.
SUNAK
I'm a bit worried about the costs
BUCKLAND
And it's getting harder, the facts are leaking out all over the place.
BOJO
How many times have I told you two? I don't need Chamberlains I need Churchills. To hell with the facts, it's not how it is, it's how its looks. So that's settled, anyone who contacts their MP gets a free portrait .
PATEL
We have contacts in Islington North , So I'll get them to request one from Jezza and let the Mail in on it before and after sort of thing.
GOVE
Great Sarah could easily get a double pager out of that, It writes itself 'He'd rather send a picture of Jerry Adams' and all that. .
SUNAK
But we can't produce that type of quantity on a living wage not if we're giving them away. .
REES MOGG
If I could interject for moment and ask you all to cast your mind back historically as that is the locale of our solution.
BOJO
Don't tell me is it something to do with Sparta., Or was it after Narcissus was turned into a flower, no its Phoenician isn't it ?
REES MOGG
Actually, Prime Minister it is in fact a tad closer. I was thinking of the Newlyn School as they taught all the Cornish fisherman how to make things when times were lean on the old putting out to sea front. And they by all account prospered so much so that their output was and remains to be considered as art
BOJO
Excellent we shut the fishermen up with a little side work. Everyone gets a lovely portrait of her maj to hang in their hovels. And there's a free song thrown in for good measure.
PATEL
And Jezza's back with the IRA
Everyone bangs on the table in delight
BOJO
So, I can just leave that with you lot as usual and I can bugger orf to Chequers.
A Classroom in North London
The rain is lashing at the windows and the children are all standing by their desks mumbling the new song while a police officer is at the front conducting them with his truncheon.
Above his head is very large picture of the Queen. The frame is made of seashells and there are plastic lobsters in each corner.
