JUNK MAIL

A faintly depressing sketch about getting old.
It's for radio BTW.

ELDERLY MAN: More junk mail - I swear it's getting worse.

ELDERLY WOMAN: What's that, dear?

ELDERLY MAN: I mean - you hit sixty and suddenly you're treated like an invalid!

[SLAP OF BROCHURE HITTING THE TABLE]

ELDERLY MAN: Hearing Aids!

[SLAP!]

ELDERLY MAN: Assisted living!

[SLAP!]

ELDERLY MAN: Incontinence pants!

[SLAP!]

ELDERLY MAN: Bloody Stannah Stair lift ! I ask you, Maureen, do I look like a man who needs a stairlift?

ELDERLY WOMAN: No. But you might want to put some trousers on. Also, I'm not Maureen. And you live next door.

I don't believe it! ... I don't believe that this is a sketch but rather just what happened to you this morning.

I like the setup but the punchline is just "ah, okay you went there" sorta thing.

It happens pretty well every morning - apart from the trousers.
Did you see the punch coming?

Bang on the money that one Lazzard and a hefty punch well done that man,

Quote: Lazzard @ 22nd June 2021, 10:35 AM

Did you see the punch coming?

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I didn't but isn't it just a basic switcheroo gag?

Quote: Lee @ 22nd June 2021, 11:04 AM

I didn't but isn't it just a basic switcheroo gag?

View original

Absolutely.
No, I'm cool with that - as long as you didn't see it coming.

Yeah, it's good for a general radio audience.

It's going no further than this forum, I can assure you.

EDIT: Talking of the old switcheroo, did your avatar just suddenly change?

That's the spirit!

Quote: Lazzard @ 22nd June 2021, 11:17 AM

EDIT: Talking of the old switcheroo, did your avatar just suddenly change?

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Er - elderly not eldery.

Simple, but nicely constructed. I liked it. Would 'Memory Loss' as the second or third item set the gag up better? Or might that give away the punch line?

I had one flyer offering the normal hearing aids and glasses and another about wigs and one about false teeth and I thought to myself if you had all those problems you would be better off throwing your f**king head in the bin and getting a new one.

Quote: playfull @ 22nd June 2021, 11:42 AM

Or might that give away the punch line?

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I think there's a chance it might.

It's a very simple audio pull-back gag, but I have no problem with those, so it's a yes from me.

My only proposal would be to take out elderly woman, make the rest of it a sort of angry monologue (without him addressing Maureen or anyone in particular). Then final line could be

YOUNG WOMAN: Oh, Mr Jones, did you wander in from the patio again? Come on, let's get you back next door. [BEAT] And do you recall whether you were you wearing any clothes when you left your house...?

A very small change, but it gives the ending a bit more character, perhaps.

Quote: beaky @ 22nd June 2021, 11:34 AM

Er - elderly not eldery.

View original

Well spotted.
This sketch obviously doesn't apply to you.