Boris and David do Laurel and Hardy

Is this any good? Suggestions welcomed.
EDIT: Early draft. Final version a couple of posts down.

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Boris and David do Laurel and Hardy

CAMERON/OLIVER HARDY
(BRUSHING OFF BORIS’S COAT) Now listen Boris, you’ve got to be on your best behaviour, because it looks like you might actually get a job in this town.

BORIS/STAN LAUREL
That’d be swell, Dave.

CAMERON/OLIVER HARDY
Now tell me what policies you’ve got.

BORIS
Gee, I don’t know, Dave.

CAMERON
Well, think! There’s a potential voter. (LEADING HIM OVER) What are you going to tell her?

BORIS
I guess I like putting my thing inside girls.

CAMERON
That’s right, you’re- (REALISES. TURNS HIM ROUND AND LEADS HIM BACK)
That’s not what you’re going to tell her. You’re going to tell her you’ll improve the transport system. Remember that?

BORIS
I guess so.

CAMERON WALKS OVER TO THE WOMAN. BORIS CATCHES UP AFTER VISIBLY FIGURING THINGS OUT IN HIS HEAD

CAMERON
Hello, lovely lady voter. May I present to you the next Conservative mayor of London, Mr Boris Johnson.

WOMAN
Oh, so pleased to meet you!

BORIS LOOKS HER OVER

CAMERON
You’ve got lots of policies, haven’t you Boris?

BORIS
I sure have.

CAMERON
Would you care to tell the lady what they are?

BORIS
Maybe after I’ve stuck my thing inside her.

WOMAN
What?

CAMERON
Excuse me.

LEADS CAMERON OFF, MAKES TO STRANGLE HIM, FIGHTS IT, SLAPS HIM IN THE CHEST. BORIS TWEAKS CAMERON’S NOSE. THIS HURTS.

CAMERON
When I ask you what policies you have, you say “I’ll improve transport”, ok?

BORIS NODS. CAMERON LEADS BORIS OVER TO THE WOMAN

CAMERON
He’s just a little shy. What policies do you have, Boris?

BORIS
I’ll improve transport.

WOMAN
Oh, how will you do that?

BORIS
I hope to do it by sticking my thing inside you.

THE WOMAN SLAPS BORIS, WHO STARTS TO CRY.

WOMAN
All the newspapers are going to hear about this!

CAMERON
That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into!

ENDS

The essential idea is brilliant!
I'm not sure the crude sex-mad Boris lines feel right though. He's bumbling, and filandering yes, but a little more eloquent. Or less crude at least.

Might just be me though.

That's pretty good, nice mix of styles. Personally I'd stick in one upto the minute punch.

e.g. "I have a huge,"
slap around the head
"I was going to say lead in the poles,"

Quote: zooo @ March 18, 2008, 3:05 PM

The essential idea is brilliant!
I'm not sure the crude sex-mad Boris lines feel right though. He's bumbling, and filandering yes, but a little more eloquent. Or less crude at least.

Might just be me though.

View original

Mm, I can see what you mean. Quite difficult to catch a balance. Can't think of an alternative to the rude line though.

Quote: sootyj @ March 18, 2008, 3:07 PM

That's pretty good, nice mix of styles. Personally I'd stick in one upto the minute punch.

e.g. "I have a huge,"
slap around the head
"I was going to say lead in the poles,"

View original

Ideally I'd like to have 3 punches - the two as here, and one big final one - but constraints of length don't seem to allow it.

Maybe I could trim it to make it so.

I like the to-and-fro here that you don't get from a single run-up to one punch...

What would you advocate?

Just the one punch, but make it a specific one fresh from the news.

You could be right but I think reducing it to a single punch spoils the Laurel & Hardy-style humour.

Also can't think of an alternative to the sex line.

I have changed it to include a final punch and made it more topical, and it's been sent off. I've used your Polls line sooty. Sort of. I'm hoping I'm having my cake and eating it, because if they like it but want it shorter they can always abridge it. Probably too long but I can always have another crack at it next week!

I've found a clip of the scene I was thinking of when I wrote it - it's here. Do watch it, it's hilarious - I want this sort of to-ing and fro-ing reproduced. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWOPodCb0hw

This is what I've sent to NR:
Boris and David do Laurel and Hardy

CAMERON/OLIVER HARDY
(BRUSHING OFF BORIS’S COAT) Now listen Boris, you’ve got to be on your best behaviour, because it looks like you might actually get a job in this town.

BORIS/STAN LAUREL
That’d be swell, Dave.

CAMERON
Now tell me why people should vote for you.

BORIS
Gee, I don’t know, Dave.

CAMERON
Well, think! There’s a potential voter. (LEADING HIM OVER) What are you going to tell her?

BORIS
I’m going to tell her I want to put my thing inside her.

CAMERON
That’s right, you’re- (REALISES. TURNS HIM ROUND AND LEADS HIM BACK)
That’s not what you’re going to tell her. You’re going to tell her you’ve got a massive lead in the polls. Remember that?

BORIS
I guess so.

CAMERON WALKS OVER TO THE WOMAN. BORIS CATCHES UP AFTER VISIBLY FIGURING THINGS OUT IN HIS HEAD

CAMERON
Hello, lovely lady voter. May I present to you the next Conservative mayor of London, Mr Boris Johnson.

WOMAN
Oh, so pleased to meet you!

BORIS LOOKS HER OVER

CAMERON
You’re doing well, aren’t you Boris?

BORIS
I sure am.

CAMERON
Would you care to tell the lady how well you’re doing?

BORIS
Maybe after I’ve stuck my thing inside her.

WOMAN
What?

CAMERON
Excuse me.

LEADS CAMERON OFF, MAKES TO STRANGLE HIM, FIGHTS IT, SLAPS HIM IN THE CHEST. BORIS TWEAKS CAMERON’S NOSE.

CAMERON
When I ask you how well you’re doing, you say “I’ve got a massive lead in the poles”, ok?

BORIS NODS. CAMERON LEADS BORIS OVER TO THE WOMAN

CAMERON
He’s just a little shy. How well are doing, Boris?

BORIS
Well, I’ve got a massive lead in the poles.

WOMAN
Oh, how much are you ahead by?

BORIS
I don’t know, but I want to stick my thing inside you.

THE WOMAN LOOKS SHOCKED. CAMERON PAYS HER OFF. BORIS WANDERS OFF AND FINDS ANOTHER WOMAN. CAMERON CATCHES UP.

CAMERON
Don’t – mention – your – thing!

BORIS
I won’t, I won’t. (TO THE WOMAN) Hi, I’ve got a massive pole.

THE SECOND WOMAN SLAPS BORIS, WHO STARTS TO CRY.

WOMAN 2
All the newspapers are going to hear about this!

CAMERON
That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into!

ENDS

(EDIT: Thanks very much for your input, btw Sooty. Appreciated muchly.)

Not bad at all, see how it goes on the night.

The only problem is cameron looks more like laurel and boris more like hardy, yet their characters (as you rightfully portrayed) are the other way round. Not sure its a good fit because of that.

That's what I was thinking. I also think that unlike the politicians of the past, todays are so funny in their own right, they are beyond satirising. BJ being a prime example.

To be honest you can analyse this stuff to death. This sketch will work. Once the audience realise,

a Your making fun of toffs
b There's nob gags a plenty
c There's a dollop of Laurel and Hardy
d A veguely topical twist

You'll have won them over.

Still think BJ and DC are more like Ren and Stimpy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQzIy5frs7w

Now if you could do the happy happy joy song for thoise cretins you'd have a winner.

Quote: sootyj @ March 18, 2008, 5:52 PM

This sketch will work. Once the audience realise,

a Your making fun of toffs
b There's nob gags a plenty
c There's a dollop of Laurel and Hardy
d A veguely topical twist

You'll have won them over.

View original

I think that's the dfficulty I have with it! It's an awful lot to try and get an audience to realise in a short space of time (and there's the added problem - as said earlier - that the physical L&H comparison isn't there, and if anything it's the other way round). If you can pull all these tricks off it could work quite well, though I agree with those who said the rude line didn't sit right. You could possibly make a bit more of Hardy's shy and over-polite nature around women, all tie-touching and childish grins?

Well... I think it's good enough. It's difficult to get these things spot on. You can't really expect these things to be a perfect fit every time. I thought it was a shame that their body shapes were opposite - as you can see again below. What finally swung it for me and made me think it was worth writing is Boris's hair - with his absurd mop he can do the Stan-Laurel-touchy-hair-thing quite well. I'm unsure of the actors' statures anyway.
I think the rude line still follows Stan Laurel's character - essentially innocent and childlike. It just combines it with Boris Johnson's character, which is the point really.
I think an audience would get it, just as they'd get my "Blackadder" sketch with Brown and Darling, but I think critics are correct in that I'm unsure this one will ever see the light of day, because the switched-around statures are a bit of a niggle.

Congrats on getting this in James.
If the audience like the characters variations of this sketch could feature all the way up to the mayoral elections!

Thanks! I'm really chuffed - it's quite a long sketch too, at two pages; perhaps they did cut it.

I think what it might boil down to is that this sketch, like the Blackadder one, would be really fun for the actors to perform.

Let's hope it doesn't bomb!!

Well done James!
It's such a great idea, I'm surprised it's never been done before.