British Comedy Guide

BCG Fantasy Premier League 2020/21 Page 52

Thursday 28 January 2021

Spurs 1- 3 Liverpool

HOW THE FUCK are you supposed to manage a team when this happens, with Spurs at home and f**k-shits Kane and Son score me 4 points between them.

This has happened now, FAR too often and is edging me towards the last straw as I am getting SERIOUSLY pissed off!!!

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 28th January 2021, 8:25 PM

This is a very good question and topicold. Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty? Then I'll begin. Now, of course like all real-life experience storie, this also begins once a polly tito...

I'm not sure what's more annoying at the moment - the game or you senile old c**ts talking to each other like it's 1957. You'll be swapping cigarette cards and German Measles next.

C**ter - I made a long positive post to kipper about your team. If that's not trying I don't know what is. It's much more than you deserve.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 28th January 2021, 11:49 PM

Thursday 28 January 2021

Spurs 1- 3 Liverpool

HOW THE FUCK are you supposed to manage a team when this happens, with Spurs at home and f**k-shits Kane and Son score me 4 points between them.

This has happened now, FAR too often and is edging me towards the last straw as I am getting SERIOUSLY pissed off!!!

Yep. Two goals and an assist ruled out by the joke VAR system and knocked out of the cup by a guy who captained Salah and still had Terence Trent Derby in his team.

No point in spending more than ten minutes a week planning your team if it's going to be like this.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 28th January 2021, 12:30 AM

Hiya again guys.

Don't you think that you might be being a bit tunnel visioned on this game?

Why not focus for a while on something else?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1an_jmSBz3Q

Well said Horse
They were rambling as well

Quote: Godot Taxis @ 28th January 2021, 11:59 PM

Yep. Two goals and an assist ruled out by the joke VAR system and knocked out of the cup by a guy who captained Salah and still had Terence Trent Derby in his team.

No point in spending more than ten minutes a week planning your team if it's going to be like this.

Thanks for that Godot, it's appreciated as I fear everyone else is enjoying the schadenfreude.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 29th January 2021, 12:19 AM

Thanks for that Godot, it's appreciated as I fear everyone else is enjoying the schadenfreude.

I'll sign him
who does he play for ?

Glad to see Horseradish tumbling to a position more in keeping with the level of quality in his posts. It's truly made my week.

And, once again, I call for the expulsion of Chapman. He's making the league look like a joke. The tragic thing is that he spends time each week considering his team. Apparently, he thinks that leaving injured players in the team makes the rest of the players work harder.

Lol.

Chappers is the only player keeping Herc's nose above water.

Quote: Ben @ 29th January 2021, 9:06 AM

Glad to see Horseradish tumbling to a position more in keeping with the level of quality in his posts. It's truly made my week.
.

Laughing out loud

Quote: Ben @ 29th January 2021, 9:06 AM

And, once again, I call for the expulsion of Chapman. He's making the league look like a joke. The tragic thing is that he spends time each week considering his team. Apparently, he thinks that leaving injured players in the team makes the rest of the players work harder.

Oh, that's made me think again about what I had planned for tomorrow morning.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 29th January 2021, 9:14 AM

Lol. Laughing out loud

Chappers is the only player keeping Herc's nose above water.

That's right scoff, just 'cos I called you a Northern Git, you Northern Git. (and I've done the emoji for you, as you don't seem to know what they are north of the Watford Gap) :D

I have been given a good kicking by Alf in the H2H, costing me a couple of places. My one hope now is a decent run in the cup! But being a Forest fan i have no idea what constitutes a good run.

Hi guys. High fives, boys. Men. Adam Coxthrust here. What's up today? Well, I will tell you Adam. Lads, so from the way I am seeing things, you are on your 627th groundhop. I am your new great expensive looking bit of video kit and your entirely imaginary audience who equally entirely happens to be concidentally called Adam Coxthrust. Yes, that's right. I was chatting only yesterday to your old great expensive looking bit of video kit as he was managing to fit in Ross County, Truro and Grampus 8 all on the same night. What is his name, guys? Oh yes, lads, thanks for reminding me. It is Adam Coxthrust. Helpfully he told me what to expect. I would be sitting in a snazzy hire car just as he and you did. You still do. It would be conveyed as fully owned by Adam Coxthrust. The driver of the same name would wear one of eight grey tops with a fetching draw string that he bought as a job lot from a market stall as they all blend in with his eyes.

So, yes, it is all as anticipated and I feel almost at home while permanently being on the road. Even the two second introduction that has been generously given to another person so as to provide us and it with full authenticity. That too has occurred. Of course, that was the really exciting bit of mystery. Would it be the kid dragged momentarily off the street to sound enthusiastic about what is coming up, then given ten pence to scarper? The unfeasibly regular and even highly attractive woman in the passenger seat - the one who has no interest in football but gives the appearance that she does - who in truth left after five minutes to go and get her nails done? That's how lovely Adam Coxthrust's sister is for you. Always there to pretend that he has a long term girlfriend. Or this time could it be the pre-recorded greeting from a B list celebrity who only agreed to do it because Adam had given some money to his charity? Delightfully it turned out to be the latter so it was me the new great expensive bit of video kit who was in the passenger seat from the start.

So bruvs, tell me Adam now that you have shown Adam and me and us fifteen minutes of anonymous road shots, wobbly images of trainers, a sandwich that you bought at the garage and which you described in beautiful detail down to its filling, alternate pics of you gazing into the distance in a vague and slightly sinister way and then you again wearing cool shades even though it is night time, why exactly are you on the local memories site tonight, men? That is, as you fly at break neck speed to get to Penzance and back to London before breakfast. Guys, I'm so pleased you texted Adam that question and they are arriving in huge numbers. Do also check out Adam's predict a result app and his video of the five best workwear products.

Is it to be Dickies or Scruffs? It's because I was the Adam Coxthrust who went to Chalk Farm Infirmary Elementary School between 1878 and 1881. And like Albert Hardacre, Gertrude501 and Isaac Fauntleroy@Yer_ChimbleySweep.com I too recall Ada and her six kids on Factory Street. In fact, I got stuck with them. Had to keep taking them off by horse and cart to Casual Corinthians, Old Carthusians and Blackburn Olympic just to get them out of her hair. They didn't give me a moment's peace. None of them. I was never left on my own and so it was centuries, bruvs, before Adam Coxthrust had any me time.

Oh yes. Happy memories. Adam, do you remember the cows at Clapham Rovers? How they were introduced when a similar scheme had been successful at the rugby, most notably at the Marlborough Nomads with inputs from the Indian Civil Service? Lads, do I. Adam, you and I would meet the farmers coming up the Old Kent Road and buy one off them ahead of every match. Ermintrude one week. Daisy on another. It's not bad this one, Adam. Decent bit of tuna. Nice wholemeal bread. Could have done with more sweetcorn but I did get a Dr Pepper. Result! So anyhow there we would be at the Cow and Gate End, 400,000 of us 12 year old men in our flap caps and the kids up on the shoulders of the cattle, mooing for our superior heroes.

Sadly then the cows were banned. Plastic ones were allowed but only for a while. Next we all had access to Raybans, Lamborghinis and Sony FDR-AX700 4K HDRs with large CMOS sensors. High fives. Must go now, Adam. Boys as you can see I made it all the way to the south of Cornwall. Got here just before midnight. Didn't see a match but you can't now, can I. Not in these Covid times. But that in the half light is a brick beside a door in front of what would be a turnstyle. Great atmosphere. Lads, check me out on my channel if you can't wait until tomorrow night when I'm off to Berwick Rangers and if I can get the timing right will also be visiting Anderlecht and Cefn Druids. Thanks Adam. I very much look forward to it as you will do too.

What's that you say Horse? is Billy stuck down a well and we need to rescue him?

Has anyone checked the table? I think in this strangest of all times we might have the strangest thing yet!
Kipper top of the table and looking good,
playing sexy football (albeit with a plastic hip)

He reminds me of Liverpool, going so close before against superior opposition but still keeping that momentum going and maybe even winning it after

If anyone remembered who Gerry Mcdonnell was I'd ask him for the current odds

Quote: A Horseradish @ 29th January 2021, 5:54 PM

Hi guys. High fives, boys. Men. Adam Coxthrust here. What's up today? Well, I will tell you Adam. Lads, so from the way I am seeing things, you are on your 627th groundhop. I am your new great expensive looking bit of video kit and your entirely imaginary audience who equally entirely happens to be concidentally called Adam Coxthrust. Yes, that's right. I was chatting only yesterday to your old great expensive looking bit of video kit as he was managing to fit in Ross County, Truro and Grampus 8 all on the same night. What is his name, guys? Oh yes, lads, thanks for reminding me. It is Adam Coxthrust. Helpfully he told me what to expect. I would be sitting in a snazzy hire car just as he and you did. You still do. It would be conveyed as fully owned by Adam Coxthrust. The driver of the same name would wear one of eight grey tops with a fetching draw string that he bought as a job lot from a market stall as they all blend in with his eyes.

So, yes, it is all as anticipated and I feel almost at home while permanently being on the road. Even the two second introduction that has been generously given to another person so as to provide us and it with full authenticity. That too has occurred. Of course, that was the really exciting bit of mystery. Would it be the kid dragged momentarily off the street to sound enthusiastic about what is coming up, then given ten pence to scarper? The unfeasibly regular and even highly attractive woman in the passenger seat - the one who has no interest in football but gives the appearance that she does - who in truth left after five minutes to go and get her nails done? That's how lovely Adam Coxthrust's sister is for you. Always there to pretend that he has a long term girlfriend. Or this time could it be the pre-recorded greeting from a B list celebrity who only agreed to do it because Adam had given some money to his charity? Delightfully it turned out to be the latter so it was me the new great expensive bit of video kit who was in the passenger seat from the start.

So bruvs, tell me Adam now that you have shown Adam and me and us fifteen minutes of anonymous road shots, wobbly images of trainers, a sandwich that you bought at the garage and which you described in beautiful detail down to its filling, alternate pics of you gazing into the distance in a vague and slightly sinister way and then you again wearing cool shades even though it is night time, why exactly are you on the local memories site tonight, men? That is, as you fly at break neck speed to get to Penzance and back to London before breakfast. Guys, I'm so pleased you texted Adam that question and they are arriving in huge numbers. Do also check out Adam's predict a result app and his video of the five best workwear products.

Is it to be Dickies or Scruffs? It's because I was the Adam Coxthrust who went to Chalk Farm Infirmary Elementary School between 1878 and 1881. And like Albert Hardacre, Gertrude501 and Isaac Fauntleroy@Yer_ChimbleySweep.com I too recall Ada and her six kids on Factory Street. In fact, I got stuck with them. Had to keep taking them off by horse and cart to Casual Corinthians, Old Carthusians and Blackburn Olympic just to get them out of her hair. They didn't give me a moment's peace. None of them. I was never left on my own and so it was centuries, bruvs, before Adam Coxthrust had any me time.

Oh yes. Happy memories. Adam, do you remember the cows at Clapham Rovers? How they were introduced when a similar scheme had been successful at the rugby, most notably at the Marlborough Nomads with inputs from the Indian Civil Service? Lads, do I. Adam, you and I would meet the farmers coming up the Old Kent Road and buy one off them ahead of every match. Ermintrude one week. Daisy on another. It's not bad this one, Adam. Decent bit of tuna. Nice wholemeal bread. Could have done with more sweetcorn but I did get a Dr Pepper. Result! So anyhow there we would be at the Cow and Gate End, 400,000 of us 12 year old men in our flap caps and the kids up on the shoulders of the cattle, mooing for our superior heroes.

Sadly then the cows were banned. Plastic ones were allowed but only for a while. Next we all had access to Raybans, Lamborghinis and Sony FDR-AX700 4K HDRs with large CMOS sensors. High fives. Must go now, Adam. Boys as you can see I made it all the way to the south of Cornwall. Got here just before midnight. Didn't see a match but you can't now, can I. Not in these Covid times. But that in the half light is a brick beside a door in front of what would be a turnstyle. Great atmosphere. Lads, check me out on my channel if you can't wait until tomorrow night when I'm off to Berwick Rangers and if I can get the timing right will also be visiting Anderlecht and Cefn Druids. Thanks Adam. I very much look forward to it as you will do too.

Pick the pearls of wisdom out of this Horse - BORING isn't it, AND just as relevant AND interesting as your posts are to Fantasy Football

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Quote: Ben @ 29th January 2021, 9:06 AM

Glad to see Horseradish tumbling to a position more in keeping with the level of quality in his posts. It's truly made my week. Laughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loud

And, once again, I call for the expulsion of Chapman.....................................

Seriously Ben, I was going to post this, this morning - put in a team of players that haven't played this season at all, with not one point between them ,(apart from Taylor A.V. who played in Double Gameweek for 15 minutes and scored a -1 point!!!) and accrue massive minus points, BUT seeing what you said about Dave, I didn't want to be drummed out of the CLIQUE.

So, as I'm being such a good egg, do you think the other lads will club together and give me sufficient points to take me up into the top 5? I wouldn't want to queer your pitch, so would be quite happy to slot in between you and Anton.

I've studied form, other people's teams, pundits, live matches, results etc. et f**king cetera, and all for what? F**k all. I've even finished up this week with the same points as Dave, and he isn't even trying, with his three "red carded" players - so he has 8 players live and I can't even beat his depleted team!!! If I can't beat a team of eight players, then it's time to put that hex to sleep.
SO, FUCK IT. The fun has gone out of it and it's not worth the weekly disappointment.

So that's it. I've committed what I like to call "transfer suicide".

I have three chips left (Bench Boost, Triple Captain and Wildcard) which I would donate if I could, but there'd be no point(s) [literally] as they are cursed.

And I leave you with something that I at least can get a smile out of.........................

Don't be a mardy arse ya soft sod.
I spent all last season in bottom place.

It's character building...

Ok, it's not, it's shit but somebody has to be Sheff utd and West Brom

Oooh, I wish I was hard and strong like NGs :P

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