A Horseradish
Friday 29th January 2021 5:54pm [Edited]
8,475 posts
Hi guys. High fives, boys. Men. Adam Coxthrust here. What's up today? Well, I will tell you Adam. Lads, so from the way I am seeing things, you are on your 627th groundhop. I am your new great expensive looking bit of video kit and your entirely imaginary audience who equally entirely happens to be concidentally called Adam Coxthrust. Yes, that's right. I was chatting only yesterday to your old great expensive looking bit of video kit as he was managing to fit in Ross County, Truro and Grampus 8 all on the same night. What is his name, guys? Oh yes, lads, thanks for reminding me. It is Adam Coxthrust. Helpfully he told me what to expect. I would be sitting in a snazzy hire car just as he and you did. You still do. It would be conveyed as fully owned by Adam Coxthrust. The driver of the same name would wear one of eight grey tops with a fetching draw string that he bought as a job lot from a market stall as they all blend in with his eyes.
So, yes, it is all as anticipated and I feel almost at home while permanently being on the road. Even the two second introduction that has been generously given to another person so as to provide us and it with full authenticity. That too has occurred. Of course, that was the really exciting bit of mystery. Would it be the kid dragged momentarily off the street to sound enthusiastic about what is coming up, then given ten pence to scarper? The unfeasibly regular and even highly attractive woman in the passenger seat - the one who has no interest in football but gives the appearance that she does - who in truth left after five minutes to go and get her nails done? That's how lovely Adam Coxthrust's sister is for you. Always there to pretend that he has a long term girlfriend. Or this time could it be the pre-recorded greeting from a B list celebrity who only agreed to do it because Adam had given some money to his charity? Delightfully it turned out to be the latter so it was me the new great expensive bit of video kit who was in the passenger seat from the start.
So bruvs, tell me Adam now that you have shown Adam and me and us fifteen minutes of anonymous road shots, wobbly images of trainers, a sandwich that you bought at the garage and which you described in beautiful detail down to its filling, alternate pics of you gazing into the distance in a vague and slightly sinister way and then you again wearing cool shades even though it is night time, why exactly are you on the local memories site tonight, men? That is, as you fly at break neck speed to get to Penzance and back to London before breakfast. Guys, I'm so pleased you texted Adam that question and they are arriving in huge numbers. Do also check out Adam's predict a result app and his video of the five best workwear products.
Is it to be Dickies or Scruffs? It's because I was the Adam Coxthrust who went to Chalk Farm Infirmary Elementary School between 1878 and 1881. And like Albert Hardacre, Gertrude501 and Isaac Fauntleroy@Yer_ChimbleySweep.com I too recall Ada and her six kids on Factory Street. In fact, I got stuck with them. Had to keep taking them off by horse and cart to Casual Corinthians, Old Carthusians and Blackburn Olympic just to get them out of her hair. They didn't give me a moment's peace. None of them. I was never left on my own and so it was centuries, bruvs, before Adam Coxthrust had any me time.
Oh yes. Happy memories. Adam, do you remember the cows at Clapham Rovers? How they were introduced when a similar scheme had been successful at the rugby, most notably at the Marlborough Nomads with inputs from the Indian Civil Service? Lads, do I. Adam, you and I would meet the farmers coming up the Old Kent Road and buy one off them ahead of every match. Ermintrude one week. Daisy on another. It's not bad this one, Adam. Decent bit of tuna. Nice wholemeal bread. Could have done with more sweetcorn but I did get a Dr Pepper. Result! So anyhow there we would be at the Cow and Gate End, 400,000 of us 12 year old men in our flap caps and the kids up on the shoulders of the cattle, mooing for our superior heroes.
Sadly then the cows were banned. Plastic ones were allowed but only for a while. Next we all had access to Raybans, Lamborghinis and Sony FDR-AX700 4K HDRs with large CMOS sensors. High fives. Must go now, Adam. Boys as you can see I made it all the way to the south of Cornwall. Got here just before midnight. Didn't see a match but you can't now, can I. Not in these Covid times. But that in the half light is a brick beside a door in front of what would be a turnstyle. Great atmosphere. Lads, check me out on my channel if you can't wait until tomorrow night when I'm off to Berwick Rangers and if I can get the timing right will also be visiting Anderlecht and Cefn Druids. Thanks Adam. I very much look forward to it as you will do too.