I've been looking at the this thread title so long it's now going round my head ot the tune of "The Right Stuff" by New Kids On The Block.
"Oh oh oh-oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh..."
The Light Bus Page 4
Quote: Shandonbelle @ September 12 2013, 11:10 AM BSTThe thing is in a short sketch, trying to divide the lines between three is hard and unless it's important for the story of the sketch to work I think the only way is to have a very minor character, male or female, pop in to say something and then pop back out again.
Maybe the kebab has taken on more significance as 'she' runs through the sketch when in fact she was just meant to be a little throwaway (pardon!) surreal idea.
I find myself forced to agree with you again.
BUMP
Came across this and was genuinely taken aback by the amount of feedback. I miss the old critique....
Yes, I agree. Though I am heartened to find that I was obsessing over hyphenation 8 years ago too. 
I noticed that!
Quote: gappy @ 12th September 2013, 11:28 AMI've been looking at the this thread title so long it's now going round my head ot the tune of "The Right Stuff" by New Kids On The Block.
"Oh oh oh-oh-oh, oh oh oh-oh..."
People Say I can't love the Spice Girls and hate New Kids cos they're the same. Yes, they are the same. In both cases, you're watching five pussies.
Since I am new to this sort of comedy, I'll provide you with initial reactions.
First, I didn't know what was going on. I reread the first lines and then understood that this was a futuristic setting. I chuckled when these lines hit.
Quote: playfull @ 9th September 2013, 11:30 PMDRIVER: Sorry miss, me eyes aren't up to much these days, out of warranty.
MAN: You are driving a Light Speed Bus with dodgy eyes?
DRIVER: Between you and me, I'm not actually driving it, this wheel, it's
not attached to anything. See look I can spin it right round,
nothing. It's all pre-programmed.MAN: But you just opened the door for me?
DRIVER: No the bus did that, it must have fancied your kebab.
From there, it was about a clever driver who pretended to be on a lower intellectual scale than the man. The man valued his life above others, so he hastily wanted to exit the situation regardless of the safety of his greasy lady. In conclusion, the wittier driver ended up with the kebab 
.
It is a juicy cliffhanger though. I am curious to find out what comes next. Or... is this the kind of writing where the reader makes up the rest of the plot after the ending?
That's my take on this piece.
Quote: playfull @ 21st January 2021, 2:16 AMBUMP
Came across this and was genuinely taken aback by the amount of feedback. I miss the old critique....
Edit: Oh my gosh, I just realized that you bumped this ancient thread from way back
So in the end, what happened from here? Or do I make up my own ending for your piece?