This was in a cracker yesterday.
What is white and goes up?
I mean, there were children in the room.
Someone was paid to write it.
Wasn't you was it Teddy? I know you used to write some.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A confused snowflake.
Time for some Christmas cracker crap jokes. Page 3
I asked Frank Carson, What's the name of that thing you pull at Christmas with a hat and crap joke inside?
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 26th December 2020, 8:29 AMhttps://www.dictionary.com/browse/merrythought
No, nor me.
Thank you Billy! Well, I've never heard a wishbone described as that before. Perhaps it was in the 50s and I was too young to understand or remember the word.
What a relief! Speaking of which...............a joke my Dad cracked when I was a nipper and remember:-
(I won't elaborate, to see if you get it - you need to remember the old bus service) 
If carrot is a double decker bus and a potato is a single decker bus, what is a pea?
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 26th December 2020, 10:06 AMa joke my Dad cracked when I was a nipper and remember:-
(I won't elaborate, to see if you get it - you need to remember the old bus service)
If carrot is a double decker bus and a potato is a single decker bus, what is a pea?
Well, if the question was what is a potato or what is a carrot, one might think of a root master.
But with pea, I thought maybe something to do with a pod, which could be connected to some sort of transport system. But the only other type of bus that springs to mind is a trolleybus and I can't link the two together.
Or am I thinking too deeply 
?
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 26th December 2020, 10:06 AMIf carrot is a double decker bus and a potato is a single decker bus, what is a pea?
I don't know much about old bus services but I've suffered my fair share of terrible dad-jokes and grandad-jokes in my time so I'm going to have a guess.
Is the pea a relief service?
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 26th December 2020, 11:03 AMOr am I thinking too deeply
I like the root master , but I don't think we had them in the 50s - no, and yes, too deeply. Life was much simpler then.................
Quote: alison blunderland @ 26th December 2020, 3:40 PMIs the pea a relief service?
Yes! A pea(e) is a relief, and my goodness we did giggle at such a rude word.
I said to Paul, George and Ringo, I wouldn't marry Yoko. They said, Nor we. John would.
I said to Van Morrison, I wouldn't write classical music. He said, Chopin would.
I said to Mick Jagger, I wouldn't listen to One Direction. They're shit.
This is where I should've posted it.
This was a joke in a Christmas cracker.
Now can someone explain it to me? Am I being thick? Is it lost in translation? Or is it just really weak?
What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take?
Con medicine.
Should be BATtercup syrup
Quote: Chappers @ 27th December 2020, 4:08 PMThis was a joke in a Christmas cracker.
Now can someone explain it to me? Am I being thick? Is it lost in translation? Or is it just really weak?
What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take?
Con medicine.
I couldn't get within a mile of explaining that one but my friend who works at a supermarket that sells those crackers has come to he rescue. It's a misprint and it should say 'coffin medicine'.
Quote: alison blunderland @ 27th December 2020, 4:52 PMI couldn't get within a mile of explaining that one but my friend who works at a supermarket that sells those crackers has come to he rescue. It's a misprint and it should say 'coffin medicine'.
Thank you. Makes a bit more sense I suppose.
So much for poof readers!
Quote: alison blunderland @ 27th December 2020, 4:52 PMI couldn't get within a mile of explaining that one but my friend who works at a supermarket that sells those crackers has come to he rescue. It's a misprint and it should say 'coffin medicine'.
Although if the answer was coffin medicine, surely the question shouldn't be "what type of cough medicine...", it should be just "what kind of medicine".
It is apparently a conundrum that has been perplexing the good ladies of Mumsnet for the past five years: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2534779-to-ask-if-anyone-can-explain-this-joke-please
You'd think the manufacturers would have got round to correcting it by now!
Who the f**k is Pumpkin Spice?
What does my wife give my credit card for Christmas? Her best swishes.